Korean Job Discussion Forums

[SuperFly]

I've been reading the series of Best American Short Stories 1999-2006 for a few months now. Each year, Katrina Kenison, series editor writes an introduction and chooses 20 of the best short stories from Canadian and American writers and publishes the book. Ya-Ta boy turned me on to the series a few months ago and I've really enjoyed reading them.




What do you Daves netizens think about have a contest of our own? I'm not a writer, but I love to read short stories. I would love to see some more positive stuff here on this site, we have so many talented individuals that participate, it would be wonderful to read some of your experiences in Korea or abroad.

What do you guys think?

[tomato]

The Korean Explosion

When the twelve-hour flight arrived in Los Angeles, 김선생 stood up and stretched his legs. "So here I am in the United States!" he thought. "Now to practice my English!"

For years, he had dreams of living overseas. He was going to be immersed in the foreign language. He was going to speak the foreign language to everyone he met. Everyone he met was going to speak the foreign language to him. Everyone he met was going to help him in every way possible. Now this dream was finally going to come true!

Along with the other passengers, he filed quickly out of the aircraft, smiling back at the flight attendants saying "안녕 가세요.�

He followed the bilingual signs pointing to the customs office. The man at the desk said, "여권 주세요.� The man stamped the passport and said, "감사합니다.� He answered with a grumble, "You're welcome."

Next, our future pedagogue followed the bilingual signs pointing to the baggage claim. He ignored a uniformed gentleman who said, "여기 기다리세요.�

He found his luggage and took the door under the bilingual exit sign. A group of children whispered "There's a Korean!" and shouted "만나서 반갑습니다!� He smiled and waved back.

Next, Mister Kim stood in line at the currency exchange. The woman at the window handed him a sheet of paper. She pointed to one line and said "이름,� then pointed to another line and said, "주소.� Then she pointed to a third line and he said, "Yes, yes, I know!"

The weary traveller collected his money and walked toward the nearest bench. On the way there, he fought himself loose from a man who grabbed him and said, "미국에 오신 것을 환영합니다!�

He plopped down on the nearest bench, opened his laptop and logged into the KSLcafe site. He scrolled through the many ads, all written in Korean, promising jobs in major cities with a large Korean population.

Suddenly, our distraught Websurfter noticed an ad written English. "Live in beautiful Iowa--the fairest state of all the West!" At the top of the ad was the business name of a recruiter, Iowa KSL.

He clicked on the link. The Iowa KSL site showed listings like none that he had ever seen before. "Live in Dolliver--small but friendly. Population: 77." "Come to the town of Valerie--home of a railroad romance. Population: 62." "Make yourself home in Rossie. We have more than one horse. Population: 58."

"This is unbelievable!" he thought. In his skepticism, he logged into the Google site and typed "아이오와 블랙리스트.� He clicked on the first Website that came up. He scrolled through the entries.

"Just as I suspected!" he said to himself. There wasn't a single Korean bar in Dolliver. Valerie had just one general store, operated by a babo who didn't know a word of Korean. You had to make your own kimchi in Rossie, because the grocer there never even heard of kimchi.

Our traveller closed his laptop, picked up his luggage, and walked toward the nearest ticket counter. He broke loose from one or two people who grabbed him and said, "도와줄까요?"

The woman at the ticket counter smiled nervously. "아! 한국인입니다!� She quickly held up one finger and said, "잠깐만야!�

Our flustered pilgrim said, "That's quite all right. You see . . ." But before he could finish his sentence, another nervously smiling woman came out and greeted him in Korean.

"I would like to catch the next plane to Iowa," he said.

[SuperFly]

Great story tomato, but a good short story needs to be a little longer than that. At least 10 pages, am I right? Get your buns back over to the desk and start writing!

[RACETRAITOR]

Here's something I wrote for work. It's a choose-your-own adventure story about going to New Zealand. I'd like to point out that I've never been to New Zealand, and only met one Kiwi skinhead who was nothing like the ones in this story.

So let's see if you can have a good honeymoon.

http://daehanmindecline.com/chooses/a1.html

[bosintang]

Good idea! We need a deadline and some rules or guidelines though.

[oneofthesarahs]

I write short stories, but I must admit, I'm always wary about posting up original fiction on the Internet. But you might be able to count me in for one.

[ajgeddes]

[jdog2050]

[swetepete]

I don't think any of my stuff would pass the censorbot...

[SuperFly]

Deadline = 1 year. How bout that? Fair enough? I want everyone to have time to write.

[RACETRAITOR]

One year for a short story? Or do you want to make it a novel contest?

[SuperFly]

OK. You take this ball and run with it. I had an idea. That's my contribution. You make up the rules!

[Woland]

Somebody's too excited about the Underdog movie to take care of these details.

A British newspaper once had a contest for the best short story complete with beginning, development, and conclusion in exactly 50 words (not 49, not 51 - 50 exactly). I have the winner somewhere, as well as my own attempt. I'll try to post them tomorrow sometime. In the meantime, I suggest this 'flash fiction' standard to the rest of you.

[bejarano-korea]

I have always loved to travel and see new places, ever since I was a kid my favourite thing on the telly was the bounty bar adverts. 'A taste of paradise' with palm trees and all that stuff because growing up in Haydock the only palm you see is the palm of your hand and thats not the flipping same innit?

So I went to Panama and worked for a year and that was allright for palm trees, but there were two seasons monsoon and hot. And try buying a copy of the daily sport out there, turn on the radio and its all salsa crap and it all sounds the same 'lalalalala macarena' they haven't heard of radiohead or busted over there yet. And the electricity would get cut off fo no reason so if I went to buy a carton of milk there would be a electricity cut off and bang! my milk was curdled within 30 minutes unless it was the monsoon season then it was diluted.

Also on a Sunday there was nowt to do, the only things open were the churches which was total crap. So it all got on me *beep* and I decided to go back to Haydock for some meat and potato pies and a good plate hot pot. No, you can't get a good meat and potato pie in Panama, if you ask for it they look at you as if you are tapped they say 'what's that?' they eat all that chillied dolphin with pineapple rings, which is not the same as a meat and potato pie. Anyway I deicided to pay a bit extra with my severance pay and go with a good airline, Lufthansa in this case I'm always perplexed on why people skimp on the cost of an airfare, if a car breaks down then you can push it to the side of a road but if a plane does the same it falls 30,000 feet... just ask Rocky Marciano and John Denver... oh wait a minute... you can't... see what I mean?

So I decide to fly by a decent carrier. Thats were the trouble started I was asked to be seated by the window cos I like to watch the clouds go by. So they put me in the centre of the plane. Next I get sat next to a Japanese businessman, even though on the flight there is some private sixth form girls hockey team... I get sat next to the Jap... hows that for a shite draw? So it comes to mealtime, the stewardesses were fit but a bit stuck up.I had enough of chillied dolphin with pinapple rings to last me a lifetime but when the stewardess gave me my inflight meal I was gobsmacked when I saw what it was...

CURRIED TOFU CASSAROLE

I'm not eating that! I have paid extra to fly by this carrier, do these mugs think I don't know the difference between decent grub and tofu? I said to the Jap next to me

'ey mate what have you got?'

'I have roast beef and black bean sauce'

Want to swap mine... Its... Chicken'

Then the bastard goes all quiet, can't understand English all of a sudden not that I blame him, I'm going to get a swap. The stewardess walks past and I say 'ey luv I wanna' but she just glares at me and walks on by. Well I'll tell you something for nothing, I'm getting a bloody swap. I have paid top dollar to fly by these and I'm not eating tofu all the way to heathrow. Another two stewardesses walk past and the third so I grab her by the skirt.

'Listen luv' she looks down on me like I'm a turd on her shoe.

'Yes' she says briskly 'This meal you have given me... its tofu'

'Excuse me is this not good' she says in her brisk Teutonic tone

'No'

'Well it is very tasty specially prepared by our chefs in Sttugart airport'

'Look luv, I'm allregic to tofu, it makes me throw up, you know puke,I'm only telling you for your own good so you don't have to clean up my sick.Have the chefs in sttugart airport prepared a nice steak dinner by any chance'

'I will go and see' she says with a forced smile and does one.

I then don't see her for half an hour. I'm hungry and now pissed off. The curried tofu cassarole has gone cold in front of me and I can hear satisfied German chatter around me whereas I can hear my stomach rumbling louder than the boxheads around me. I bet the pilot and those stewardesses are not eating tofu cassarole I bet they have got steak and chips, in front of myseat is a button which says...

'FOR STEWARDS ATTENTION PLEASE PRESS BELL ONCE ONLY'

It also has instructions in German which says 'ich bungz zubg atchung'but it means more or less the same thing so I ring the bell, 30 secondsnothing happens, so I ring it again and wait another 10 seconds, nothinghappens so i ring it 3 times in quick succession nothing happens. As I'm doing this. I watch the in flight navigator, the little plane onthe map is flying over Jamaica mon. 30000 foot above Bob Marleys graveis me and a cold tofu cassarole. I bet king spliff wouldn't have stood for it. So now I press the button and now keep my finger pressed in. I have paid 800 dollars to fly by this 2 bob ex luftwaffe outfit,and if they think they are giving me tofu for dinner then they have another think coming.

Anyway as I have my finger on the bell a posse of the male stewards come over towhere I'm sitting, heading them is some musclebound blond haired arsehole with a bubble perm. he looks like shirley temple but now he stops infront of my seat and with his arms folded he says sternly.

'Vot do you vant'

'Listen mate, I have been given this tofu shit for dinner and I wanna swap, and no one is interested. Have you got any steak'

'Nein' he shouts

'Well listen Shirley, you had better think about giving me summat to eat thats not tofu because if you think I'm going to eat this all the way to London think again'

'Vot you say, ve have nothing left you have no choice'

'What do you mean I have no choice I'm the customer, you must of heard of the saying 'the customer is always right' it is a saying we have in England. similar to 'vosprung durch technik' so get it sorted Adolf.

'Ve have no more food left, if you no want tofu then you must have nothing'

'I bet you are not eating this shit you musclebound German fruit! I pointed to the dish in front of me 'I bet you are not eating tofu are you shirley, get me some steak NOW?'

'Vat you say' now shirley is shouting and behind the posse of stewardesses comes a few more big German blokes in uniform. Well I thought they were going to attack us. So I stood up and I didn'tmean to do this but it was a reflex action, I thought the big boxhead was going to hit us so I reflectively shoved the curried tofu cassarole into Shirleys face and rubbed it into his hair, Shirley screamed like a bitch, he was acting up because by then the food wasn't hot. It had gone cold due to Eva Braun taking half an hour in ignoring us and then all his cowardly hun mates jumped us and got me to the floor and tied my hands and feet up.

They had to land the plane at Jacksonville Florida and I'm in court on Tuesday, I'm now in Jacksonville county jail wearing an orange suit looking like some al jazeera reject. The food here is shit an all, they wouldn't dare serve me up tofu because I would butt the gets but they give me fried chicken and grits! what the hell are grits! whats going on?why can't these foreigners eat normal grub like rhubarb and custard?pie and chips? I'm gonna plead not guily because I was provoked, like anybody normal would be provoked if theywere served up with curried tofu cassarole. Where did they think we were? in some tent in Glastonbury? do I look like a hippy? I'm a man of respect me. Wait till I get home, I'm going to sue those Lufhansa bastards for getting me in this shit. After I have had a nice plate of meat and potato pie andmushy peas.

[bejarano-korea]

This is a British short story and I hope you like it. I have took out the swaering so if I have missed any of it, my apologies in advance