Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Sody]

Hi, I could really use some advice from men who have married a Korean woman.

I'm engaged to a white woman who grew up in Korea.

I've dated Asian women in Canada in the past and just about all of the experiences were really bad. I don't want to get into the details, it's not important, but most of them had serious mental issues and a really messed up sense of self-esteem. I've had many friends who have experienced the same thing. I generally avoid Asian women who grew up in a foreign country because of my bad experiences.

Well the case with my fiancee is somewhat similar. She speaks Korean fluently and her step-father is Korean but her original parents are not. She also has a Korean sister who I do not get along with because I think she doesn't like foreigners in general.

The problem I'm having is that my fiancee is very stubborn about being "Korean." I think this is because she had a hard time fitting into the Korean culture as she was growing up so she acts "Korean," so that she can fit in and not get hurt. We have come to agree on many things, I will act a certain way for her because that is what she is used to.

She has the typical Korean insecurities that really bother me. I have spoken with her father about the marriage and he approved The only problem I'm having is getting on her mother's good side because I have made it clear that I want to live in Canada eventually. But her parents say they won't approve or "respect," such a decision.

My fiancee suggests that I show them my bank book and all my mutual funds and whatever else I have invested in. She also wants me to show them a picture of my parent's house in Canada. This really bothers me a lot According to her sister it is a normal thing to do in Korea, just to assure the parents that their daughter will be ok. But when I ask my Korean male friends about this they say it's not true. So either I am being lied to or they are completely discriminating against me for being a foreigner?

Did you ever have to do anything like this when you were engaged to your fiancee? There are some other odd things I have been asked to do, but this bank book thing is the most troublesome. I'm pretty insecure about it.

I know this forum can get really nasty and racist at times, so if you married a Korean woman and know a better place I can get advice I would really appreciate it if you can advise me. Thanks.

Sody

[Canadian Club]

If you have serious misgivings about a person of any ethnicity or nationality, then you should not marry them.

That is my opinion.

[hellofaniceguy]

Say what...the in laws/outlaws, won't let you move to Canada with their "daughter?" You have more of a problem then just being hooked up with her I think.
Cut your losses, let her go and go meet a REAL woman, be it korean, asian, white, etc.
This gal you are with is obviously not a woman. Just a little girl in a woman's body.
You will have far more headaches if you stay with her...and it'll be your own fault.

[Pak Yu Man]

If hse acts like a Korean then you need the support/respect of her family. You don't marry the girl...you marry the family.

[nicholas_chiasson]

-I think asking for serious advice on Daves is not a good idea, or a good sign. I mean why trust random people on the internet?

[spliff]

[tfunk]

Is there a reason that most of the women you meet had 'a really messed up sense of self-esteem'? Why do you feel you have to act for her and what is it about her 'acting Korean' that you think is inauthentic? She grew up in Korea didn't she? Maybe she identifies with the culture.

[Harpeau]

[Leavingkorea]

[Sody]

Tony_Baloney - lol! I am white. Some of my descendants are even part aboriginal so I know what's it like to have mixed people in my family.

With the exception of tfunk, I appreciate the thoughts of everyone who gave some good advice.

Yes, nicholas I agree with what you are saying but I know there are some good guys on this board who got married to Korean wives and were open about it in the past. I've asked for advice on another board and hopefully I'll get some good responses as well.

I know most people will disagree with my prejudice against the Korean culture with regards to my future family but I'm not being bitter about it, I talk about it because I want to understand it more. There are so many people online who will simply cry injustice but I don't think you should just give up on a relationship because there are cultural problems. I'm ok with the fact that I don't get along splendidly with my future in-laws. It's alright with me.

It is a serious issue that is distinctly Korean for me because with women I have dated in the past this has not been an issue. For some people you don't actually marry into the family but for some races this is especially true, eg. Korean, Italian, Mexican, Greek, etc. I value this closeness but it's frustrating sometimes because I have to act a certain way most of the time.

Harpeau, thanks for helping me clarify my thoughts. Yes, she is willing to move to Canada. But I would have to move to a big city like Toronto or Vancouver so that she could attend a Korean church. That's just one of the problems that I've encountered, she isn't willing to go to another church.

Leavingkorea, it's actually not so bad for me because I actually proposed to her while I was working part time for a hagwon. Her father was more than ok with it I think because I used to work for a PS. I'm trying to start up a life in Canada right now but obviously if I go back to Korea, what can I do? My Korean isn't good and one of the reasons I posted this thread was because I feel strangled sometimes. If you wanna live in Korea - you have to be an English teacher. But you have no choice to live in Korea otherwise your wife won't be happy. That's why I'm a bit insecure about it because although I make more than average it isn't enough to support a family in Canada. The won has been falling since last January, or the Canadian dollar has been getting stronger.

Anyhow, thanks for the suggestions.

Sody

[just another day]

[SuperFly]

Marrying someone from another culture (I'm Greek American, wife is Korean) takes a lot of patience and work. It's not as easy as marrying someone who understands certian feelings that others have to work at understanding.

After almost nine years of marriage, I can tell you that without a doubt...if I could go back...


I'd do it again.

But the other guy was right, you need to be the man and take control. If the family doesn't want her to leave Korea...and she feels the same way -you have to club her over the head and drag her off, she'll submit later...they always do.

Kidding.

[everydavid]

A white girl who grew up in Korea?
Wow, I mean I have never heard of this happening before (no sarcasm intended.)
May we know what her background is and how she ended up being raised in Korea?

[Harpeau]

[pest2]