Korean Job Discussion Forums

[PeterDragon]

##WARNING: PERSONAL RANT BELOW##

This is sorta a follow up to my culture shock thread I guess. Incidently, my culture shock is *slowly* lifting now that I'm in a much nicer Korean work environment.

Last few days, I've been thinking increasingly about home. I have vivid dreams about being back home pretty much every night and every nap. I find myself unable to focus on my life here, which is a bad thing. I keep feeling like I should be there, like I'm missing out on stuff that should be more important to me than the stuff here.

I think it started with the Minneapolis bridge collapse. A friend of mine was on the bridge. She escaped with only minor injuries (really minor--- bruises and scrapes), but her car was totalled. One or two of my friends are still unaccounted for in the sense that I haven't gotten confirmation of their safety. I know the death toll was low, I know they're probably all right. But I feel like I should be there to know these things for a fact.

Through their Internet blogs, I'm watching friends of mine get new jobs, get married, get fired, get divorced--- all the events I'm used to being physically present for. I feel this irrational guilt that I can't be there to cheer them up or congratulate their successes. I miss being surrounded by people who've known me for years to decades and know exactly who I am. I miss having people around that I know that well. Until I came here, I'd always been a fairly sedentary person. I'd travelled the U.S., but always made a point of living in Wisconsin or Minnesota.

A couple days ago, I got word that a friend of mine--- only in his late 20s, mind you-- died of a heart attack. The guy was a fixture in my hometown. We weren't the closest of friends, but ANYTIME I went out for the evening back home, I was sure to bump into him, and was sure to have a few crazy stories to tell, sure to greet me by name and tell me he was glad to see me. I can't go to his funeral. His little sister is crying right now, and I can't be there to coax a smile out of her even though she did the same for me the last few times I lost someone close to me.

I know I've been spoiled. I know a lot of people don't choose to/get to spend most of their childhood and their entire adult life surrounded by the same group of good people. And I'm glad I'm here. But it hurts me that I can't be there as well.

[Sophocles]

I understand very well. For most of my first year, I felt it impossible to find people to get close to. There were cool people all around but no one to be really close to. It got easier the longer I was here and I really feel I've put down some roots... just in time for my departure. It's all about finding 2 or 3 or 4 people you can form bonds with. There are some people who make friends with just about everyone but they're the lucky few, I think. Lots of us are looking for stable relationships which can be very difficult to forge in this transient lifestyle we live as English teachers abroad.

[PeterDragon]

[kat2]

You end up adjusting to a different kind of life and personal relationships as an expat. You CAN'T be surrounded by people you know and haev them in your life all the time. People come and go. Thats just the way it is. However, you CAN meet a lot of interesting people from different places with different experiences and stories, different points of view. This is a huge perk of being an expat. Yes, its hard to make a close group of long term friends ( although I know a few people here who seem to have done it). But you become friends with people that you normally wouldn't b/c you are both in the situation of needing some friends. It makes you step outside of your comfort zone, which is great.
Its hard to be away from home for sure. And people at home don't keep in touch and email/call you as much as you would like, but its your opportunity to invest in Skype and use that email account. Its so much easier living overseas now than just 5 years ago when a lot of people (especially older relatives) didn't have email and Skype wasn't around.
This is kind of rambling, but we've all been there. Chin up! Try to start a hobby, even if its just exploring around your area for an hour walk each night in a different direction. Just something to keep you occupied. Sitting around is the easiest way to get depressed or homesick.

P.S. I'm really glad to hear your friend was alright. I hope you hear from your other friends soon!

[Dome Vans]

[Atavistic]

Hang in there.

I'm from Minnesota, too, but I lived in Atlanta for seven years. Didn't get Minnesota out of my blood, but got my blood out of Minnesota. Don't ever intend to go back because I don't want to be one of those born, raised, married, died in one place folks.

If you can make friends with some Koreans (through hobbies, for example) they're more stable than expats and can help you get through homesick periods. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. I've had two major periods of homesickness here (once around Christmas and once when my nephew was born) and it was my Korean "family" that got me through it, not my expat friends.

Seriously, though, hang in there.

[Doogie]

Yea, it's tough being away when you want to be there for your friends and family. Not long after I came to Korea (2 years ago), my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Needless to say, I was devastated. I decided to put in my year and then go home. Anyway, after speaking with my sister, I actually signed up for a second year (believe it or not). My Mom was doing O.K. and I had adjusted to life here pretty well. Well, this past year hasn't been so good. Her condition has declined significantly. Time to go home. You have to look after your family first. Also, I've always been super close to my nieces and nephews. Being away so long, you feel like you've missed so much. I empathize with your feelings. O.P.. My advice...... try and tough it out for the year. I think you'll be glad you did.

[LuckyNomad]

I can't image ever living in the same place again. I agree with Atavistic, I'm not going to live in the same place for 50 years. When I think about leaving Korea, I think in terms of which country I am heading to next.

[Atavistic]

[Homer]

What you are feeling is common to a lot of expats Peter. It usually passes as you get better used to living abroad or it does not and then you just move on or go home (no shame in that at all).

It is normal to feel the "should be there" or the "things are continuing without me" shock when you are far away. You just have to give yourself time to get used to this and to put it in its proper perspective. Since you live abroad, you are on a different path and hence living your own experiences that your friends back home are not. So you are on different roads and this tends to initially make one feel disconnected....