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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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 Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:35 am Post subject: D-War ... d is for direct to DVD? |
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Bleck. I saw this Korean backyard piece o' crap today. It's kind of touted as Korea's big entry into the American block buster summer movie scene but it's kind of the Hyundai Pony of FX flicks.
Crap acting. About the only high point is the warehouse guy from The Office has a supporting role. Nice to see him. At least the hagwon teachers they hired for this movie can't get deported as they actually live in America.
The big dragon attack on the Korean village is a study in how not to combine live action with CGI. It's like the director didn't bother to talk to the CGI guys. Nice Korean village. Looks like a KBS drama shot on video. Nice clean uniforms, shiny new weapons. Oh and nice blue sky. Don't think we didn't notice. The blue sky. Oh here comes the dragon army. Hrm. Dark lighting, cloudy sky. All very Lord of the Rings in background and mood. Now cut back to the Korean village. Oh look. Blue sky again. Cut back to the dragons... cloudy sky full of smoke. Mmmmm mood! Back to the Korean village as they get slaughtered. Oh blue sky.
Dude you can pop that video into a computer and play with the contrast and lighting levels and get it to match with the nice backgrounds created by the CGI team. Didn't anyone tell you?
Anyway, the ajumma they're trying to pass off as a 20 year old is taken captive. Some femmy guy and some guy with a really badly done fake beard (I know Koreans don't have a lot of experience with nice thick facial hair but facial hair should not look like shiny nylon) come flying in. (Ronald D. Moore of Battlestar Galactica always complains about fake beards in his podcast and how he refuses to use them and now I know why.) I don't know where they learned to fly suddenly. If you're going to use a gun in the third act, you should introduce it in the first act. If you're going to have two guys fly, you should establish they have this ability earlier on.
Anyway, back in LA the evil dragon is looking for the white version of the ajumma. It does so by poking its head through walls. Great. Some hagwon teacher doing his best Rutger Hauer is trying to find everyone. Bunch of dream sequences of Rutger Johnson killing people. Oh and he has a sword with a magical blade that appears by gosh magic. Oh wait. No. They stop the film. They put a new sword in his hands. They nudge the camera a bit so when they start the film again there's an obvious jump cut.
Some FBI guys storm a cave. But first some of them march up to the cave and some repel out of helicopters. I guess it looked cool. Not sure how they knew to storm the cave. They find the dragon and quickly run out of the cave. All their friends and helicopters are destroyed. Oh. Glad you let us know. Anyway, the dragon army attacks the FBI guys. The FBI guys shoot at them but they have shields. The FBI guys don't think to shoot their legs as the dragon army guys don't seem to move their little shields up or down.
Not sure why the FBI is on this.
Right so eventually there's some dragon battle in LA. No one scrambles F15s despite this being post-911. No they try to fight the dragons with helicopters. Eventually they bring in some M1 tanks. Now despite the fact these M1 tanks wiped out the Republican Guard's T80s before the T80s could even get off a single round, these M1s kind of sit there for a good long time. Thinking. When they finally decide to shoot at the big short legged dinos, they mostly miss. Uhhh. And no Bradleys? No TOW missiles?
Anyway, the modern day reincarnation of the femmy Korean guy and the ajumma are supposed to go to some cave but they never go. They end up trying to escape to Mexico where no one will notice an attractive blonde woman and she can lie low. Mercifully they're taken captive by the dragons. I guess the big dragon poking his head through walls wasn't trying to kill her. Oh wait, first the FBI "rescue" them but really they just want to shoot the chick. The FBI guy pulls out of his ass they have a big paranormal research unit and they know all about her. Young FBI pops his boss and lets the heroes go.
Alright so they're taken � fruk I don't know. They're some place in CGI world. The chick is tied to a sacrificial altar. The guy is tied up to a post. No one thinks, naturally, to strip the hero guy of his magical dragon necklace. Oh yeah, forgot about that. Glad they showed it to us at the start of the movie. So the magical necklace does something and then some white dragon comes in and fights the evil dragon. Luckily they remind us there was some good dragon kicking around some place. The evil dragon seems to win. The hero releases the chick from the altar. Her dragon tattoo creates some energy ball which is swallowed by the evil dragon. I think. The good dragon comes back to life. One of the dragons grows legs. I'm not sure if it was the evil dragon or the good dragon. But he now looks like a proper Chinese restaurant menu dragon.
The chick becomes a ball of energy and announces her undying love for the hero, although there seemed to be no romantic spark between them before. She then joins with the Chinese restaurant menu dragon and they fly around. The CGI guys want to show their work off one last time. A few more beauty passes and the movie, mercifully, ends.
But wait. Credits? Credit the actors? No first there's some tongue in ass crack tribute to the mighty director (was he the guy who directed 9 Iron? Or Sympathy for Lady Vengeance? Or Christmas In August? Or even Gwaemool? No. He's done crap). At this point I fled the theater. I tried not to make eye contact with any Koreans because I'm sure they're full of shame. Actually, I heard a couple Korean guys mocking the film behind me. Xenu bless, em.
Last edited by mindmetoo on Thu Aug 02, 2007 5:31 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:57 am Post subject: |
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Meh. It was fun for what it was. A crap monster movie.
I loved how it was blatantly obvious they didn't get a native English speaker to write the Englishee dialogueh. I haven't heard anything that stilted since I sat through "What's Up Tiger Lily". |
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Richard Krainium
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:09 am Post subject: Re: D-War ... d is for direct to DVD? |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
Bleck. I saw this Korean backyard piece o' crap today. It's kind of touted as Korea's big entry into the American block buster summer movie scene but it's kind of the Hyundai Pony of FX flicks.
Crap acting. About the only high point is the warehouse guy from The Office has a supporting role. Nice to see him. At least the hagwon teachers they hired for this movie can't get deported as they actually live in America.
The big dragon attack on the Korean village is a study in how not to combine live action with CGI. It's like the director didn't bother to talk to the CGI guys. Nice Korean village. Looks like a KBS drama shot on video. Nice blue sky. Oh here comes the dragon army. Hrm. Dark lighting, cloudy sky. All very Lord of the Rings in background and mood. Now cut back to the Korean village. Oh look. Blue sky again. Cut back to the dragons... cloudy sky full of smoke. Mmmmm mood! Back to the Korean village as they get slaughtered. Oh blue sky.
Dude you can pop that video into a computer and play with the contrast and lighting levels and get it to match with the nice backgrounds created by the CGI team. Didn't anyone tell you?
Anyway, the ajumma they're trying to pass off as a 20 year old is taken captive. Some femmy guy and some guy with a really badly done fake beard (I know Koreans don't have a lot of experience with nice thick facial hair but facial hair should not look like shiny nylon) come flying in. (Ronald D. Moore of Battlestar Galactica always complains about fake beards in his podcast and how he refuses to use them and now I know why.) I don't know where they learned to fly suddenly. If you're going to use a gun in the third act, you should introduce it in the first act. If you're going to have two guys fly, you should establish they have this ability earlier on.
Anyway, back in LA the evil dragon is looking for the white version of the ajumma. It does so by poking its head through walls. Great. Some hagwon teacher doing his best Rutger Hauer is trying to find everyone. Bunch of dream sequences of Rutger Johnson killing people. Oh and he has a sword with a magical blade that appears by gosh magic. Oh wait. No. They stop the film. They put a new sword in his hands. They nudge the camera a bit so when they start the film again there's an obvious jump cut.
Some FBI guys storm a cave. But first some of them march up to the cave and some repel out of helicopters. I guess it looked cool. Not sure how they knew to storm the cave. They find the dragon and quickly run out of the cave. All their friends and helicopters are destroyed. Oh. Glad you let us know. Anyway, the dragon army attacks the FBI guys. The FBI guys shoot at them but they have shields. The FBI guys don't think to shoot their legs as the dragon army guys don't seem to move their little shields up or down.
Not sure why the FBI is on this.
Right so eventually there's some dragon battle in LA. No one scrambles F15s despite this being post-911. No they try to fight the dragons with helicopters. Eventually they bring in some M1 tanks. Now despite the fact these M1 tanks wiped out the Republican Guard's T80s before the T80s could even get off a single round, these M1s kind of sit there for a good long time. Thinking. When they finally decide to shoot at the big short legged dinos, they mostly miss. Uhhh. And no Bradleys? No TOW missiles?
Anyway, the modern day reincarnation of the femmy Korean guy and the ajumma are supposed to go to some cave but they never go. They end up trying to escape to Mexico but they're taken captive by the dragons. I guess the big dragon poking his head through walls wasn't trying to kill her. Oh wait, first the FBI "rescue" them but really they just want to shoot the chick. The FBI guy pulls out of his ass they have a big paranormal research unit and they know all about her. Young FBI pops his boss and lets the heroes go.
Alright so they're taken � fruk I don't know. They're some place in CGI world. The chick is tied to a sacrificial altar. The guy is tied up to a post. No one thinks, naturally, to strip the hero guy of his magical dragon necklace. Oh yeah, forgot about that. Glad they showed it to us at the start of the movie. So the magical necklace does something and then some white dragon comes in and fights the evil dragon. Luckily they remind us there was some good dragon kicking around some place. The evil dragon seems to win. The hero releases the chick from the altar. Her dragon tattoo creates some energy ball which is swallow by the evil dragon. I think. The good dragon comes back to life. One of the dragons grows legs. I'm not sure if it was the evil dragon or the good dragon. But he now looks like a proper Chinese restaurant menu dragon.
The chick becomes a ball of energy and announces her undying love for the hero, although there seemed to be no romantic spark between them before. She then joins with the Chinese restaurant menu dragon and they fly around. The CGI guys want to show their work off one last time. A few more beauty passes and the movie, mercifully, ends.
But wait. Credits? Credit the actors? No first there's some tongue in ass crack tribute to the mighty director (was he the guy who directed 9 Iron? Or Sympathy for Lady Vengeance? Or Christmas In August? Or even Gwaemool? No. He's done crap). At this point I fled the theater. I tried not to make eye contact with any Koreans because I'm sure they're full of shame. Actually, I heard a couple Korean guys mocking the film behind me. Xenu bless, em. |
Not sure why mindmetoo would spend this much time talking about this piece of crap, but he did.
I'm not a Korean basher, but bash away! This movie really sucks. As much as mindmetoo says or more. And the ode to the director (written in Korean) actually got applause!
What's really fooked is my wife (Korean) who bashes Korea more than I do, was actually proud of the director.
Go figure.  |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:14 am Post subject: Re: D-War ... d is for direct to DVD? |
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| Richard Krainium wrote: |
| And the ode to the director (written in Korean) actually got applause! |
I've never seen such a self indulgent moment in cinema. A director paying tribute to himself at the end of his crap sci fi movie? Holy crap. |
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Richard Krainium
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:28 am Post subject: Re: D-War ... d is for direct to DVD? |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
| Richard Krainium wrote: |
| And the ode to the director (written in Korean) actually got applause! |
I've never seen such a self indulgent moment in cinema. A director paying tribute to himself at the end of his crap sci fi movie? Holy crap. |
hehe...do you remember some of the Steven Segal movies from the early '90's?
Towards the end of the flick, he'd get up on his soapbox and make a passionate speech for whatever...that was some good sheet, too. |
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gmat
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:36 am Post subject: |
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| Couldn't you tell from trailers that it was going to suck Big Time. Why waste your money? |
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Richard Krainium
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: |
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| gmat wrote: |
| Couldn't you tell from trailers that it was going to suck Big Time. Why waste your money? |
meh...saw it for 4,000 won. Early show.  |
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Hollywoodaction
Joined: 02 Jul 2004
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 7:12 am Post subject: |
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| Richard Krainium wrote: |
| gmat wrote: |
| Couldn't you tell from trailers that it was going to suck Big Time. Why waste your money? |
meh...saw it for 4,000 won. Early show. |
That's sad. You actually got out of bed to see that movie.  |
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Richard Krainium
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Hollywoodaction wrote: |
| Richard Krainium wrote: |
| gmat wrote: |
| Couldn't you tell from trailers that it was going to suck Big Time. Why waste your money? |
meh...saw it for 4,000 won. Early show. |
That's sad. You actually got out of bed to see that movie. |
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jaredbahama
Joined: 16 May 2007
Location: blue line
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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@ mindmetoo
awesome critique. wasn't gonna see it, but after your description how could i not? yeah, crap movies come and go; but every once and a while you get a movie that's so bad you have to see it. drunk.
last craptastic movie i saw was the one about those guys who faked being retarded so they could compete in the special olympics. man i was ripped.
anyone in seoul wanna get drunk and check this out? pm me.
p.s. it's in english right? no subtitles? |
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Richard Krainium
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| jaredbahama wrote: |
@ mindmetoo
awesome critique. wasn't gonna see it, but after your description how could i not? yeah, crap movies come and go; but every once and a while you get a movie that's so bad you have to see it. drunk.
p.s. it's in english right? no subtitles? |
Mostly in English. What isn't in English is easily followed, due to its overwhelming simplicity. This movie is definitely "craptastic". I'm glad I saw it just because of all the hype surrounding the director. Two turds up! |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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| ha... my students told me this morning that it was a great movie. Just goes to show that their standard of good is so much different from ours. |
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stumptown
Joined: 11 Apr 2005
Location: Paju: Wife beating capital of Korea
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I just googled for reviews and there's not that many. I'd be curious as to what Ebert & Roper would say about it. On the yahoo movie review site, one poster (obviously Korean) said this movie will be the greatest sci-fi movie ever made. |
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mikowee
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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| It has a rating of 9.15/10 on the CGV website, so I thought it might be a decent movie. It was such a piece of crap. Only after the movie did my girlfriend tell me that it was 100% Korean in its production, which is apparently the only reason people watch this movie. |
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kimchi_pizza
Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Location: "Get back on the bus! Here it comes!"
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 7:51 pm Post subject: Re: D-War ... d is for direct to DVD? |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
Bleck. I saw this Korean backyard piece o' crap today. It's kind of touted as Korea's big entry into the American block buster summer movie scene but it's kind of the Hyundai Pony of FX flicks.
Crap acting. About the only high point is the warehouse guy from The Office has a supporting role. Nice to see him. At least the hagwon teachers they hired for this movie can't get deported as they actually live in America.
The big dragon attack on the Korean village is a study in how not to combine live action with CGI. It's like the director didn't bother to talk to the CGI guys. Nice Korean village. Looks like a KBS drama shot on video. Nice clean uniforms, shiny new weapons. Oh and nice blue sky. Don't think we didn't notice. The blue sky. Oh here comes the dragon army. Hrm. Dark lighting, cloudy sky. All very Lord of the Rings in background and mood. Now cut back to the Korean village. Oh look. Blue sky again. Cut back to the dragons... cloudy sky full of smoke. Mmmmm mood! Back to the Korean village as they get slaughtered. Oh blue sky.
Dude you can pop that video into a computer and play with the contrast and lighting levels and get it to match with the nice backgrounds created by the CGI team. Didn't anyone tell you?
Anyway, the ajumma they're trying to pass off as a 20 year old is taken captive. Some femmy guy and some guy with a really badly done fake beard (I know Koreans don't have a lot of experience with nice thick facial hair but facial hair should not look like shiny nylon) come flying in. (Ronald D. Moore of Battlestar Galactica always complains about fake beards in his podcast and how he refuses to use them and now I know why.) I don't know where they learned to fly suddenly. If you're going to use a gun in the third act, you should introduce it in the first act. If you're going to have two guys fly, you should establish they have this ability earlier on.
Anyway, back in LA the evil dragon is looking for the white version of the ajumma. It does so by poking its head through walls. Great. Some hagwon teacher doing his best Rutger Hauer is trying to find everyone. Bunch of dream sequences of Rutger Johnson killing people. Oh and he has a sword with a magical blade that appears by gosh magic. Oh wait. No. They stop the film. They put a new sword in his hands. They nudge the camera a bit so when they start the film again there's an obvious jump cut.
Some FBI guys storm a cave. But first some of them march up to the cave and some repel out of helicopters. I guess it looked cool. Not sure how they knew to storm the cave. They find the dragon and quickly run out of the cave. All their friends and helicopters are destroyed. Oh. Glad you let us know. Anyway, the dragon army attacks the FBI guys. The FBI guys shoot at them but they have shields. The FBI guys don't think to shoot their legs as the dragon army guys don't seem to move their little shields up or down.
Not sure why the FBI is on this.
Right so eventually there's some dragon battle in LA. No one scrambles F15s despite this being post-911. No they try to fight the dragons with helicopters. Eventually they bring in some M1 tanks. Now despite the fact these M1 tanks wiped out the Republican Guard's T80s before the T80s could even get off a single round, these M1s kind of sit there for a good long time. Thinking. When they finally decide to shoot at the big short legged dinos, they mostly miss. Uhhh. And no Bradleys? No TOW missiles?
Anyway, the modern day reincarnation of the femmy Korean guy and the ajumma are supposed to go to some cave but they never go. They end up trying to escape to Mexico where no one will notice an attractive blonde woman and she can lie low. Mercifully they're taken captive by the dragons. I guess the big dragon poking his head through walls wasn't trying to kill her. Oh wait, first the FBI "rescue" them but really they just want to shoot the chick. The FBI guy pulls out of his ass they have a big paranormal research unit and they know all about her. Young FBI pops his boss and lets the heroes go.
Alright so they're taken � fruk I don't know. They're some place in CGI world. The chick is tied to a sacrificial altar. The guy is tied up to a post. No one thinks, naturally, to strip the hero guy of his magical dragon necklace. Oh yeah, forgot about that. Glad they showed it to us at the start of the movie. So the magical necklace does something and then some white dragon comes in and fights the evil dragon. Luckily they remind us there was some good dragon kicking around some place. The evil dragon seems to win. The hero releases the chick from the altar. Her dragon tattoo creates some energy ball which is swallowed by the evil dragon. I think. The good dragon comes back to life. One of the dragons grows legs. I'm not sure if it was the evil dragon or the good dragon. But he now looks like a proper Chinese restaurant menu dragon.
The chick becomes a ball of energy and announces her undying love for the hero, although there seemed to be no romantic spark between them before. She then joins with the Chinese restaurant menu dragon and they fly around. The CGI guys want to show their work off one last time. A few more beauty passes and the movie, mercifully, ends.
But wait. Credits? Credit the actors? No first there's some tongue in ass crack tribute to the mighty director (was he the guy who directed 9 Iron? Or Sympathy for Lady Vengeance? Or Christmas In August? Or even Gwaemool? No. He's done crap). At this point I fled the theater. I tried not to make eye contact with any Koreans because I'm sure they're full of shame. Actually, I heard a couple Korean guys mocking the film behind me. Xenu bless, em. |
I like the movie simply 'cause of this response. More entertainment than any'o crap movie . I haven't seen the movie yet nor do I plan to, but a few Korean friends have already built up the hype like a balloon with a hole in it. |
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