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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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 Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:05 am Post subject: Do Korean women play hard to get? |
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WARNING: PERSONAL STORY/PATHETIC PLEA FOR ADVICE BELOW. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
So, as of today, I'm officially trying to win the affections of a Korean girl. This is a highly experimental straying from my general "never date a Korean" policy. Now, I'm from central Wisconsin. Women from back home take one of three approaches when dealing with a guy they don't intend to shoot down. There's the self-explanatory "do me now" approach. Then there's the "good girl" approach, which translates to "do me in a week or two, I've got my dignity". Then there's "hard to get" approach. Back home, the "hard to get" routine means "I don't like you, but I'll lead you on til I get bored", and any guy who falls for it is seen as a chump.*
Basically, she's been flirting with me for the last week, and today I finally started flirting back while hanging out with her and her friends. She immediately acted withdrawn/aloof/timid. She got worse when a friend of hers asked me flat out if I liked her and I said yes. (Had to. My face turned beet red, so I couldn't dodge the question smoothly.) She got me alone by walking me partway back to the car I'd left my bag in. (She may have been doing this at the suggestion of her friends.) I asked her if she had any interest in me. She said "a little". I asked if I could have her phone number and she gave it to me.
If a girl in Wisconsin gave me that hot and cold treatment, I'd be running like hell. But I hear tell things can work differently in other states/countries.
Extenuating circumstance number one: Said Korean girl is a teacher at my school. (Most of her friends that we both hung out with tonight are our mutual co-workers.)
Extenuating circumstance number two: Most of the faculty, including the vice principal and my co-teacher, have been trying to get us together for the last two weeks. When their efforts began, I'd never even spoken to her. Either they know something I don't, or this is some sort of bizarre workplace prank.
*Lest you think I'm being sexist, all the men in Wisconsin take those three basic approaches as well--- it's da Nort'woods way. |
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Alyallen
Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Location: The 4th Greatest Place on Earth = Jeonju!!!
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:08 am Post subject: |
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Don't want to sound crass but....
Don't shit where you eat or in a nicer way....Don't stick your pen in the company ink.... |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:10 am Post subject: |
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I can give you good and bad news based on this.
-Clearly everyone is trying to set you up with her.
-She has not totally shot you down.
-Getting her phone number is a meaningless social interaction in Korea. It doesn't show her interest in you.
-You work with her. If things go bad, well, you know.
My advice is continue being the good friend and make sure you're available. There's no such thing as "I like you but as a friend" in Korea. She's uncomfortable with the idea of dating a foreigner, likely for a number of obvious reasons, and you have to be patient.
I'd say she's either in category 2 or 3, but remember if she's in category 2 it would likely take longer than the requisite week back home. |
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cbclark4
Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Location: Masan
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:10 am Post subject: |
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Apart from the whole Wisconsin thing.
Your in. |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 2:12 am Post subject: |
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| Alyallen wrote: |
Don't want to sound crass but....
Don't *beep* where you eat or in a nicer way....Don't stick your pen in the company ink.... |
Good advice, but in this case since the match is already being made, I think either way the land mines are being deployed. There's little difference whether this goes down in flames now or later, because no matter what the atmosphere is going to be tense. |
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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:30 am Post subject: |
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Words of Wisdom from Racetraitor:
| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
Good advice, but in this case since the match is already being made, I think either way the land mines are being deployed. There's little difference whether this goes down in flames now or later, because no matter what the atmosphere is going to be tense. |
That kind of sums up how I feel about this. The *initial* nudge from our co-workers was cute. I assume they were doing it for her benefit (not mine) at first. I almost literally did not know she existed until my co-teacher pushed her to talk to me, and I'm glad I know who she is now.
But every push they've made thereafter has hindered the situation, not helped it. Every time I try to talk to her at lunch, the principal or vice principal shouts "Hey... David, she's single!" Pointing at her. Oh yeah, and the way that half the time I come into the office in the morning, one of the teachers points at me and shouts "No GIRLFRIEND!", grinning at her.
Our initial conversation consisted of her asking me if I had a girlfriend, giggling, and then asking me if I could teach her English "every day". Then we started slowly making plans to do a language exchange. That. Was. Working.
I have misgivings about dating a Korean, same as she has misgivings about dating a foreigner. I don't *know* if dating her will work, all I know is that I think she's beautiful, enjoy her company, and want to do a language exchange and see if anything *can* happen from there. In retrospect, I think we were equally upset and uncomfortable at the employee get-together tonight. All eyes were on us, and this is NOT cool.
Honestly, tomorrow when I go in, I want to pretend it never happened, just keep talking to her about doing the language exchange. But I'm worried my socially retarded co-workers have already ruined any chance of that.
You also said:
| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
but remember if she's in category 2 it would likely take longer than the requisite week back home.
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That's actually good news. The "requisite week" was the bane of my existence back home. 9 times out of 10, I still wouldn't be "ready" in a week or two, and the girl would get pissy and hurt and look for someone more willing.
And finally, you said:
| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
Getting her phone number is a meaningless social interaction in Korea. It doesn't show her interest in you.
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True, but I've also seen Korean women refuse to give out their phone number. I hope to GOD that if she truly has no interest in me, and the idea is ENTIRELY someone else's, she would have the self respect not to give me her number.
As for dating someone at work--- that doesn't concern me. I've done it before, I've had it go badly before. It was still worth it. |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:41 am Post subject: |
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1) You're golden.
2) A public school is the work context, yes? She will be less shy when you get her away from work. Your coworkers are being d!nks and using you for entertainment.
3)
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| I don't *know* if dating her will work, all I know is that I think she's beautiful, enjoy her company, and want to do a language exchange |
Dude. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. You're killing me. Of course it will work. The second half of that sentence guarantees it. You man, she woman. If a relationship is what you want, initiate some contact and let the chemicals do the rest.
4) I don't date women I work with or students, for obvious reasons. Korean break ups can be hell. How much longer do you have on your contract?
Last edited by Paji eh Wong on Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:44 am; edited 1 time in total |
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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:43 am Post subject: |
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Knowing Korea, by flirting with her in front of her friends, you probably embarrased her and they're all telling her bad stuff about you now.
If you do end up dating her, those same friends are going to know EVERYTHING and make a lot of judgement calls. Don't plan on scoring anything for a long time if that's what you're looking for)
Also, don't let any of her friends catch you out walking or talking to another female. |
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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:46 am Post subject: |
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I've got ten months left in my contract. I've had an ugly break up or two, some with lasting consequences, but it's always seemed worth it once the dust settles.
| djsmnc wrote: |
| Knowing Korea, by flirting with her in front of her friends, you probably embarrased her and they're all telling her bad stuff about you now. |
See, I don't get that. If she can flirt with me in front of them, why was my flirting back a bad thing? It honestly reached the point where--- in my culture--- it would be a cold shoulder NOT to start flirting with her. You're right, it did bother her, but I don't get the double standard. |
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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:02 am Post subject: |
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| PeterDragon wrote: |
I've got ten months left in my contract. I've had an ugly break up or two, some with lasting consequences, but it's always seemed worth it once the dust settles.
| djsmnc wrote: |
| Knowing Korea, by flirting with her in front of her friends, you probably embarrased her and they're all telling her bad stuff about you now. |
See, I don't get that. If she can flirt with me in front of them, why was my flirting back a bad thing? It honestly reached the point where--- in my culture--- it would be a cold shoulder NOT to start flirting with her. You're right, it did bother her, but I don't get the double standard. |
Korea is all about double standards. You have ten more months. Don't worry, you'll develop a technique to it all if your mind works through it correctly. There's a code that you have to solve. Even with the code in mind, there is still resistence and rejection.
The best thing to do is load your phone with 50 or so numbers. Work through them, deleting the excess and doubtful prospects. A text message that represents the potential for emasculation and being led on? -Beep- DELETE! Someone is willing to go out alone with you? Hold on to it.
Once you narrow them all down, you should have about 2-3 ladies left to choose from. As a gentleman of course, you'll just date one...right? |
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Letiz7
Joined: 29 Jan 2007
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:08 am Post subject: |
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| fvck everything that moves you queer |
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Letiz7
Joined: 29 Jan 2007
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:08 am Post subject: |
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| Letiz7 wrote: |
| fvck everything that moves you *fag* |
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PeterDragon
Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:23 am Post subject: |
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| djsmnc wrote: |
Once you narrow them all down, you should have about 2-3 ladies left to choose from. As a gentleman of course, you'll just date one...right? |
I have NO intention of learning how "the game" works with Korean women. I like this girl, but in general, "Confucian dating" sounds about as appealing to me as "Shiite Muslim Comedy." I didn't seek this out, it's just kinda happening, and I'm just interested enough in this girl to want to see if it will work.
Since I got here, I've had one very fun friends-with-benefits fling with a NON Korean. It was fun, we both knew the rules, and if I get lonely again, you can bet I'll go out seeking companionship in the expat crowd, not the Korean wasteland. |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 5:01 am Post subject: |
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Skip the whole "language exchange" thing. Be honest with her.
Maybe she's not impressed with everyone playing matchmaker. I've never been in that situation in any culture but I assume the faster you get out of it the better. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| Letiz7 wrote: |
| Letiz7 wrote: |
| fvck everything that moves you **beep** |
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I wonder if he meant to hit the delete button... |
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