Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[asui]

Dear teachers,

I just want to know about what the things can be a taboo in western people.
Thanks for the answer.



asui

[Christine123]

You could write a whole book on this subject. Do you have anything specific you want to know?

[asui]

yeah, I know it will take a whole book to explane it all.But I just need just a special, short,more popular and to the point about the taboo in western people.Please could you help me just to give me a small picture about it.I am so appreciating this.thanks

[m_prime]

Hi Asui

Christine123 is correct there are a lot of taboos, and depending what country your from your culture might share many of them! Of course there are also a lot of variations in taboos and what are considered 'good manners' between western countries as well. I will try to tell you a few British taboos and customs.

Greeting people and public behaviour:

Handshakes should be firm but not to the point of crushing the other persons hand. Hands should be clean and not sweaty. Always use your right hand.

Kissing stranges (or even acquaintances) on the face never happens in Britain, but is quite a common form of greeting in some European countries.

Touching people you don't know very well is usually not considered good manners. Touches should be confined to the hands and shoulders.

Be careful about personnal space, try to keep at least an arm length away from people (where circumstances permit). If you stand too close to people, especially face-to-face, it could be taken as some sort of challenge.

Spitting in the street is usually considered offensive. Spitting at some one is probably the one of the worst insults that you could give. Violence is usually the result.

Urinating in the street is offensive.

British people love to queue. If someone 'pushes in' it would be considered rude.

Showing the soles of your feet is not considered offensive in British culture but you would only put your 'feet up' in informal situations.


Table Manners:

British people excel at having a lot of table manners - not all of them are taken to an extreme except in formal situations. I shall try to list them in order of importance.

Eat with your mouth closed! Eating with your mouth open - so that other people can see the food as you eat it - is considered revolting and will put other people off their meals.

Hold the knife (or spoon) in your right hand and the fork in your left (unless you are left-handed), preferably with your forefingers pointing downwards. Never eat off the knife, always use your fork. The fork should be used to 'spear' food not to scoop it (there are a few exceptions). Never put more food on the fork/spoon than you can comfortably fit into your mouth.

Do not spit food out onto your plate - not even small bones (unless you are about to choke!). Instead raise a paper towel to your mouth and discreetly deposit the food inside. Fold the towel up so that other dinners can not see the contents.

For long food such as spagetti or noodles, they should either be cut into smaller pieces or twirled around the fork. Do not suck them into your mouth.

When eating soup do not 'slurp' - sucking air in as well as the liquid - it should be done without any noise. In very polite company the soup spoon (which be will a slightly rounder shape than a normal spoon) should be tilted away from the body and the arm moves away from you, rather than toward your body.

Do not put your elbows on the table whilst eating.

Do not bend over your plate, food should be brought to the mouth, not the mouth to the food.

Napkins are spread across the lap, rather than tucked into the shirt (the opposite is true in American culture).

If eating formal meals with more than one course you may find that you have a whole series of knifes, forks and spoons. As a general guide work from the outside in. Spoons and forks may also be above the plate, leave these alone until the dessert course is served.

Bodily functions and hand gestures to avoid:

Do not belch (burp) or pass wind in public.

Extending the middle finger of either of your hands, with the knuckles pointing towards another person is rude (I think that this gesture is known to everyone now - thanks to Hollywood). However, in British culture extending the middle and forefinger means exactly the same thing. Avoid these gestures even when indicating numbers.

Do not shake your fist in short up and down motions anywhere in front of your body. Similary do not shake your fist in short backward and foreward motions in front of your forehead. Both gestures are considered insults.

Personal hygine is important. Having bad BO (body odour) or bad breath is not exactly rude, but you won't make many friends either.

...and the list could go one, but I hope this is enough to give you a small picture. Some of what I have listed are considered taboos, some merely good manners. It is important to note that not all of the above are stricly adhered to, particulary within families and between close friends.

It may seem that it is easy to give offense but British people are quite forgiving. In most circumstance it is enough to give a friendly smile and say either 'Excuse me' or 'I am sorry' - basically show that no disrespect is intended.

If you have specifc questions or require more of explanation then please let me know. Also I would be interested to know what taboos are shared with your culture and if any are the exact opposite.

[CP]

If I may chime in and give the American perspective on some of M Prime's taboos. My comments in italics:

Kissing stranges (or even acquaintances) on the face never happens in Britain, but is quite a common form of greeting in some European countries. True in the U.S. as well, although it is becoming more common for people to greet others with the kisses on both cheeks.

Hold the knife (or spoon) in your right hand and the fork in your left (unless you are left-handed), preferably with your forefingers pointing downwards. Never eat off the knife, always use your fork. The fork should be used to 'spear' food not to scoop it (there are a few exceptions). Never put more food on the fork/spoon than you can comfortably fit into your mouth. In the U.S., it is all right to eat with the fork in the left hand, but much more common for people to cut the food with the fork in the left hand, then put down the knife, using the fork with the right hand. We do not stab the food with the tines down, as the Brits and Germans do, but rather with tines up.

Napkins are spread across the lap, rather than tucked into the shirt (the opposite is true in American culture). Not so. In the U.S., we keep the napkin across the lap except when eating particularly messy and/or finger food (like barbecued ribs, yum), and then tuck the napkin into the shirt collar.

Extending the middle finger of either of your hands, with the knuckles pointing towards another person is rude (I think that this gesture is known to everyone now - thanks to Hollywood). However, in British culture extending the middle and forefinger means exactly the same thing. Avoid these gestures even when indicating numbers. In the U.S., it is customary to "finger count" beginning with the index finger rather than the thumb, and the the V figure formed with the index and middle finger does not mean the same thing as the middle finger. That V figure can be used to mean victory or peace, harking back to the 1960s, and before that, it was used by hot-rodders as a challenge to race.
_________________
You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb

[Christine123]

I hope I did not come off as rude when I wrote that you could write a whole book on the subject, I just didn't know where to start. But I have added some additional things about western culture that I know differ around the world. I am American, by the way, so all of these come from an American perspective:

When speaking with others, it is polite to make eye contact. Failure to do so will come off as strange and rude.

If you accidentally come into physical contact with a stranger in public, it is polite to say "excuse me," "pardon me," or "sorry."

It is very impolite to talk about race, politics, or religion while in public (unless some sort of public forum is being held on the issues), or with strangers.

Also, as CP noted in response to M Prime's comment, it is considered polite to put your napkin on your lap in the US. In most circumstances it would be very bizarre to observe an adult eating with a napkin tucked into the shirt collar.

[m_prime]

Christine123 & CP - thanks for the correction over the napkin issue. I think I must of watched too many films

CP is right, the inverted 'V' sign - with the knuckles pointing toward yourself - does mean peace or victory. In fact it goes back until at least the 1940's and was used famously by Winston Churchill in the Second World War. In Britain, it is important not to mix the two gestures up!

It is interesting to see the variations in manners and taboos even between two such closely related cultures as the US and UK.

[asui]

I am so glad to get the chance for the understanding about the taboos in the western people. I hope by knowing this will be my plus knowledge to behave politely, and reduce misunderstanding, especially when interact, socialize with western people.Furthermore, I want to say thank you for the information given to me. It really help me so much.


Thanks-----Asui