Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[hanygeorge38]

Dear Bud,

A friend of mine asked me to write a cv for him
do you think what i wrote is the experience section
of the cv is gramatically correct or need some changes


I have been working in the shipping Field my work involves boarding ships under our company's agency I do all the related paper work for transit and signing on and off Formalities on board I also worked for Five months in the accounting dept before I joined the shipping dept.

I have also worked in the field of stock exchange for two years my rank was a dealer which is a mediator between the client and the head
Office in London
_________________
hany

[bud]

Hi Hany,

I have been working in the shipping field. My work involves boarding ships under our company's agency. I do all the related paper work for transit, and the signing on and off formalities on board. I also worked for five months in the accounting department before I joined the shipping department. -- I don't really like "company's agency" so much unless you know that that is the common term in the business. I don't think it's an error, but "authority" is more natural. Also, I don't think a comma is necessary after "transit," but I think it makes the following clause easier to read. (Same with the inserted "the.")

I have also worked in the field of stock trading for two years. My position was as a dealer, which is a mediator between the client and the head office in London. -- You could say "... also worked at the stock exchange..." if that was the case. Also, my edit to "position was as a dealer..." doesn't sound quite right, but I can't think of anything else at the moment...

Anyone else have an idea on that or anything else?

[haitm]

In my opinion, you should change your sentense from "My position was as a dealer..." to "I worked as a dealer" it sounds quit right!

[haitm]

or "I was appointed as a dealer.."

[bud]

"I worked as a dealer" is very good!