Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[RedRose]

I don't exactly know whether the same thing happens to other countries. But in China, almost all parents want boys when the decide to have a baby. especially, under one-child policy. I asked some people why? they said:"because boys can pass the family name.", some said:"because we can live with boys when we are too old and weak." but I don't buy those reasons. because...first of all, family name is nothing to me, why should we have to pass it? and second, we also can live with girls when we are old and weak, and generally speaking, girls can take care of us better.

then, why? why do so many parents want boys? I know many Asian countries such as Korea, Japan, Pakistan are in the same boat as China. but why? why do we prefer boys?

In my case, in beginning, I wanted a boy baby too, but after I gave birth to a baby girl, I even forgot about my original thought! in the delivery room, I saw my newborn girl, and I just thought to myself:"thank God!! a baby girl is just perfect!! I just want this one! right this one!"

But I always can't understand: why do people originally want boys instead of girls?

What's that about in your country? the same thing?

[Anuradha Chepur]

The lesser said about gender bias in India, the better.
But I was anticipating a girl child. In the ultra sound, the doctor bluffed it's a girl. I was overjoyed and ready with a name for the girl. I got the shock of my life when I came to know it's a boy. I was upset and didn't see the boy's face for a few hours. Of course later I got normal.
But I didn't miss anything. My son is a gem of a boy. He is a son, a daughter, a friend, philosopher and guide for me. I couldn't ask for more.

[RedRose]

[ad-miral]

China should educate the poor guys living in villages. In such a emancipated world like now many of them still think that a girl can't do so many field work as a boy. They go to the doctors seeing whether it's a girl. There are even clinics there which offer to destroy embryo girls.

There was someone who counted a little, I don't knowe whether it's true but it says: If we continue the situation like now, there will be no more girls.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love

[ClarissaMach]

You've got a good point, RedRose. What amazes me the most is that it's not something that happens only in countries like China or India; it seems to be the same all around the world, although in some countries it happens in a mild way.

Once I read an article about a research carried out by an American university about the behavior of American fathers toward sons and daughters. According to this research, fathers of boys were less prone to divorcing, and they were also more dedicated at work in order to provide good conditions for their baby-boy. On the other hand, fathers of girls didn't show the same concern about the future of their daughters.

Of course it's just a generalization; it's just one of the possible views on a bunch of statistics; but, if it's true, it makes one think: why so much dedication to baby-boys and so much disregard for baby-girls?

In Brazil (as in the majority of Latin American countries, I believe), parents like having baby-boys as much as they like having baby-girls. To tell you the truth, when it comes to adoption, people usually prefer adopting baby-girls instead of baby-boys (56,2% don't show any preference; 38,6% would rather adopt a girl; 5,2% would rather adopt a boy--if you speak some Portuguese, you can check it out here: http://www.proec.ufg.br/revista_ufg/infancia/N_adocao.html ).

In terms of society, it's undeniable that men still have a few advantages over women (but I guess it's not the question we're discussing right now).

Personally, I never thought of having a baby boy, neither have felt any bias against my daughter due to her gender. I am not married to her father anymore; like me, he got married again, and he has already had a baby boy with his new wife. Recently he came to pick our daughter up and he told me that his family not even try to disguise their bias for her! He told me that his mother and aunts enjoy buying thousands of toys and clothes to her, but they almost ever forget her little brother. Maybe it's because she's older than him, I don't know; but I guess it shows that people aren't biased for boys around here.
_________________
Stormy Weather.

[RedRose]

ClarissaMach， it seems that Brazilians don't have the sex bias against baby girls.. in this respect, Brazil is a nice place.

I think the phenomenon: parents' sex bias toward offspring, originally results from sexism of our society. In China, sexism still exists. it's very annoying and disgusting.

[ClarissaMach]

Brazil is no paradise either, RedRose. Sexism exists here, too, but in a different manner.

Once I found out I had been invited to work at a certain place because it's principal/director (I don't know the right word; it was a hospital and he coordinated it) found me attractive. He didn't hired me because he was planning to harass me or something like that (actually, he was always respectful with me); he hired me because he thought that a beautiful girl might be useful to work things out.

I was a little bit shocked because I felt used somehow; I felt like I was an object. I thought, "I could be the most stupid and unskilled person in the whole world, and still, he would have hired me only because he thinks I'm beautiful". It lowers one's self-esteem. It's like saying: "hey, you're dumb, but what a body you've got!".

If truth is to be said, it's undeniable that, sometimes, the way you look really helps you out in some specific situations. People (read: men) that won't listen to a word you say on the phone are all attention in an instant once they get to know you personaly (and grabbing one's attention is really important to get the information you need).

We live in a really hypocritical world.
_________________
Stormy Weather.

[RedRose]

but if a man thinks me attractive, I will be very happy. as long as he dosen't harass me sexually, everything would be ok. that's not sexism I think.

we women also like attractive men, and that's not feminilism either.

[ClarissaMach]

Ok, I agree with you that a man is not offending a woman by fiding her attractive. But hiring a woman to do a job which asks for a brain (and not for beauty) just because he found her beautiful is like treating her like an object, don't you think?

Well, in a sense, I felt like I was being used.
_________________
Stormy Weather.

[Bob S.]

[ClarissaMach]

By the way, Carol looks like a condom to me...
_________________
Stormy Weather.

[RedRose]

[Anuradha Chepur]

Looks needn�t necessarily sell, and if someone hires a person on the basis of looks, s(he) doesn�t have a business acumen.

Once I had a front office executive, who was pretty. Now this person is responsible for explaining the course details to people who come to enquire, and convincing them to sign up for the course. But I noticed that people were actually getting distracted by her looks, and even she was feeling self-conscious all the time. Her conversion ratio was very bad, and I had to replace her. In fact, I have had plain looking girls turn out excellent business for me. When I hire someone, I surely check if the person is presentable, but I select on the basis of factors like adaptability, sincerity, honesty, manners. My front office executive is the face of my office and people see her much before they see me or my teaching. She is my representative, so I wouldn�t want her to project her sex appeal. She should project the essence of my services.

I�m on my own now, but earlier I had worked for others. Not once did I get selected for how I looked. I was always selected on the basis of my super-prestigious CIEFL degrees. (CIEFL courses are very tough like military training. Most of them drop out half way through. If a person has successfully emerged from the courses, in one piece, s(he) has got to have the stuff.) And maybe the way I presented myself sold too.

Even now, it's my CIEFL tag that sells.

[RedRose]

[ClarissaMach]