Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[RedRose]

I have a special student named Song, who is very smart and funny, and many girls like him, he is so popular. but, he dosen't seem to love learning Medicine, I can tell that by his behavior in my class. he often reads some book related computer skills in my class.

Once, I talked to him, here's our conversation:

Me: Song, I have noticed that you're not interested in my teaching, can you give me some advice about my teaching? how can I improve it so that you can get interested in my teaching?

Song: No, Miss Zhu, it's not your problem, it's mine. I don't like medicine at all. I like computer skills.

Me: then why did you come here to study medicine? why didn't you choose computer?

Song: that's a sad story, Miss Zhu, my parents asked me to study medicine, they both are Doctors, running a hospital. and I am soppused to take over the mantle of them. I am the only one kid of them, I should obey their will.

Me: since you decided to take over the mantle of them, you are supposed to study hard so that you can become a good doctor in the future. but look at you. you didn't concentrate on your study.

Song: sorry, teacher. I thought I could start loving to learn medicine at the beginning, but I was wrong. I couldn't love it at all. I still like computer, sofeware or something like that.

Listening to his words, I felt very sad. I recall, in my high school year, my mom asked me:"you will take the exam of university entrance. what do you wanna learn in the future?"

"Chinese literature of course. and I will apply to a famous literature college." answered I.

"No way! you can't study literature~!!! you must study medicine!" said mom.

"but why?"

"because as a doctor, you can live a good life, but as a writer, you will probably be starving! few writers can live a stable life. they have to bother to find food, in a hard way." said my mom.

"what if I insist?" asked I.

My mom cried and begged me to give up my dream. so I had to surrender.

That happened to me 20 years ago, but it happened to my student last year. that's definitely a buskin.

I know Asian parents love their kids, as much as western parents do. but why can western parents give their kids so much freedom, but asian parens can't? why would Asian parents like to control their kids?

[garfield_jesse]

I think almost parents all the world wanna there kids have good life. You have a daughter, she will grow up...with you personality i'm sure that you will not force her to choose the profession you like, right? On the other hand you should intruct her what is suitable or unsuitable?. When i graduated from high school, my dad wanted me to become a teacher, i didnt obey my father, i registered the other unniversity that when i graduate i will have a job in goverment company because he is an contruction engineer and i studyed to become an contruction engineer . He didnt force me to become a teacher and he didnt want me to become a contruction engineer. At that moment i was so superfical, i didnt listent my father' s advices. I did what i like but i didnt think thoroughtly....and the result was 4 years on university...i think i was waste of time. I wished the time passed as quick as good. I felt regret... . Now i have a job but it dont concern to what i studyed in universtity...I'm confusing now

Have you ever felt regret because you followed to your mother's advices ?
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I'm smart, that's why i'm single...haha(^_^)

[RedRose]

garfield_jesse， my case was different from yours. you chose what you like to study in your college, maybe your dad's previous choice was better for you.

But I definitely liked Chinese Literature and I was sure I would be good at it. even now I still love literature. but medicine....I didn't like it, but I had to study it.

That's why I often felt very unhappy in my college years. maybe it's because the study was boring and dull, I started to date a boy. my date made my college life interesting.

Yes, I won't force my daughter to choose what I like. but I will definitely analyze her personality and what will be suitable for her and what won't be. then I will give her some suggestions, just suggestion. I won't force her.

[ad-miral]

This controlling mustn't be bad. As I was young, I didn't really know what to do in the future. From the fact that I liked to play LEGO in my childhood, my parents suggested me to learn engineering. So I went to scientific middle and high schools and voted many very very difficult subjects like Physics and Maths as my main subject. I didn't have very good grades like the people voting social science or languages have or like the people in easier schools have.

But now I feel proud because I can use everything what I have learned in university. Many students under my prof have voted easy subjects in highschool but now they are having trouble because in mechnical engineering it's irrelevant how good your German/History/Geography grades are.
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If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love

[RedRose]

[garfield_jesse]

[ClarissaMach]

Well, RedRose, I'm not sure western parents give that much freedom to their kids. A couple of doctors who run a hospital would surely want their son/daughter to run it when they retire. But one of the differences is that youngsters around here don't respect their parents in the same way you do--I mean, for us, respecting parents not necessarily means doing everything they want us to do about our lives.

Another reason might be the one-child policy; if people have only one child, they tend to "bet all their chips"* on him/her--which means a lot of pressure on the lonly child.



* I believe this expression does not exist in English; it's a rough translation of a Brazilian Portuguese idiomatic expression. I hope you understand.
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Stormy Weather.

[Lorikeet]

Many many years ago (before I met him) my husband, a Chinese American, studied engineering because his father wanted him to. He hates numbers and everything mathematical, and flunked out of college. Later, he went back to school and started to study psychology. He got all A's and B's while studying something he enjoyed.

As for my kids, the oldest one got a Master's degree in Creative Writing. People said that was very impractical, but he is not working for the U.S. State Department at the embassy in Tokyo.

The second kid is studying to be a backstage lighting expert.

The third kid is going to major in Japanese and linguistics at Berkeley.

I let them all choose their own paths, but of course I am always there if they want to ask advice.

[Anuradha Chepur]

The general impression is that there is more individual freedom in the west, for everyone. It is also said that children there have to fend for themselves (financially), once they are 16 or so. They have to work part time and pay for their university education. I wonder if this is true.

In India, parents have to pay for the children till they finish their studies and get a job.

[RedRose]

[Lorikeet]