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welkins2139
Joined: 29 Mar 2006
Posts: 252
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 Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 2:43 pm Post subject: saw |
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Jane saw her boyfriend in the kitchen eating cereal. He was chewing with noise. He had made the kitchen so messy. Then Jane felt with disgust. As she was about to leave the house, her boyfriend, chewing the cereal, wanted to kiss her and messed her hair. After a moment, she asked him to come home early.
In the hospital, the nurse gave her a shot. She told the nurse that she would break up with her boyfriend tonight. Actually the nurse was her best friend. Then the nurse told her that you had five relationships in last ten years. You would have better settled down.
Are they correct?
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Eric Thompson
Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: Angeles, Pampanga, Philippines
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| Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:45 am Post subject: |
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Hey, Welkins: There are some mistakes in your two paragraphs, as I see it. 1. Change...eating with noise... to ...eating noisily... 2. Change...Jane felt with disgust... to ...Jane felt disgust... 3. Did the boyfriend actually try to kiss Jane, or did he just think about it? Why did he mess her hair? 4. Change ...would break up...tonight.... to ...would break up...that night... 5. Change ...that you had five relationships in last ten years... to ...that she has had five relationships in the last ten years. 6. Change the last sentence to: "You had better settle down", said her nurse-friend. OK?  |
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