|
Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums
"The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Students and Teachers from Around the World!"
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
|
 Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 3:45 am Post subject: A weird couple |
 |
|
Today my dad called me on phone from my hometown:"We are celebrating the 30-year-marriage anniversary for your uncle and auntie, we just want you to share our happiness, they are saying hi to you and your little girl!" I then greeted them on phone, and really felt happy at that moment.
Now I felt kinda weird. 30 years ago, my uncle, a handsome guy, married his wife Miss Li, a terrible-looking girl. But all relatives didn't think their marriage would really work when they attended the wedding. My mom once told me, On the wedding, the groom looked so handsome and tall, but the bride...unsymmetrical face, short and fat shape, she looked really ugly even under that subtle make-up.
However, from that wedding on, they have been living a happy life. they have 2 sons and one daughter. Forunately, their chilldren all inherited good looks from my uncle. and their children are smart and funny. they are a nice family.
Isn't that weird? there is such a great disparity of appearance between the couple, but their marriage has worked very well.
I recall, when I was a high school student, I asked my uncle:"uncle, would please answer me a question? if I seem offensive, please forgive me, I don't mean that." my uncle smiled:"you can ask me anything, girl."
"Why did you marry Auntie Li? she's not as good looking as you, you know. my parents told me that many pretty girls chased after you when you were young. How did you choose Auntie Li?" asked I.
With a mysterious smile, he answered:"you are too young to understand this secret! listen, those men, who marry beautiful women, can't live very old! "
Sigh! I am still confused 
Last edited by RedRose on Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:15 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
ad-miral
Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:10 am Post subject: |
|
|
 He means that very many beautiful girls are very self-important because they are good looking and ugly girls are more easy going. Beautiful girls are mostly dreaming and childish, while ugly girls are realistic.
I rather want a beautiful girl, because I think I'm not that bad looking and I have good certification. And if I have a girlfriend I would want to develope this relationship very far, maybe marriage etc., otherwise it would only be a wrong investment.
But the problem is still that beautiful girls rather like playing with you, making you invest a lot of money for her etc. That's a big problem of me, I don't want to lose my hard-worked money, but I also want beautiful girls.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
hoshi
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 564
Location: At the best place of your dreams :D Loveland
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:18 am Post subject: |
|
|
| ad-miral wrote: |
But the problem is still that beautiful girls rather like playing with you, making you invest a lot of money for her etc. |
That is true. Most beautiful girls just want to play with you for a time, then they exchange you for another guy who has a better car, job, etc... 
By the way I learned that all girls are not the same and you can find a pretty one and an interesting one in the same body.
I prefer a girl who really likes me...
The ugly girls are the ones that can't understand what you feel or what you want
_________________
God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why did God gave us only one heart? Because He wants us to find the other one! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
beancurdturtle
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:19 pm Post subject: |
|
|
The most valuable thing a woman can give to her man is respect. This is what he will want most. A woman that is not beautiful has as much capacity to respect her man as a woman who is beautiful. Respect and admiration from a woman can greatly increase the beauty a man will perceive in her.
The most valuable thing a man can give to his woman is the feeling that he deeply appreciates her. This is important - it is not enough for him to show appreciation, she has to feel it. A good man has the capacity to appreciate his woman if she is beautiful or not so beautiful. If she truly feels appreciated she will also feel beautiful - and this confidence will shine inside her and increase her beauty.
There's your secret to love that will last. Ignore the surface details - find someone you can respect and appreciate deeply.
Laozi: "Dao de Jing": Chapter 12
Too much colour blinds the eye,
Too much music deafens the ear,
Too much taste dulls the palate,
Too much play maddens the mind,
Too much desire tears the heart.
In this manner the sage cares for people:
He provides for the belly, not for the senses;
He ignores abstraction and holds fast to substance.
老子:「道德经」:第十二章
五色令人目盲﹔五音令人耳聋﹔五味令人口爽﹔
驰骋畋猎，令人心发狂﹔难得之货，令人行妨。
是以圣人为腹不为目，故去彼取此。
_________________
Daniel
�Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.�
--Dr. Seuss |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| beancurdturtle wrote: |
| The most valuable thing a woman can give to her man is respect. |
I don't think so. I think, the most valuable thing a woman can give her man is orgasm, the second most valuable thing is exciting kisses. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
beancurdturtle
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:22 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| RedRose wrote: |
| I think, the most valuable thing a woman can give her man is orgasm, the second most valuable thing is exciting kisses. |
That's the frosting and decoration on the cake of respect. It makes it so much sweeter. 
_________________
Daniel
�Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.�
--Dr. Seuss |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| beancurdturtle wrote: |
| RedRose wrote: |
| I think, the most valuable thing a woman can give her man is orgasm, the second most valuable thing is exciting kisses. |
That's the frosting and decoration on the cake of respect. It makes it so much sweeter. |
But most men just focus on the frosting and decoration, instead of the cake. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
beancurdturtle
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 7:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| RedRose wrote: |
| But most men just focus on the frosting and decoration, instead of the cake. |
And isn't that unfortunate?
_________________
Daniel
�Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.�
--Dr. Seuss |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| beancurdturtle wrote: |
| RedRose wrote: |
| But most men just focus on the frosting and decoration, instead of the cake. |
And isn't that unfortunate? |
That's not unfortunate. that's just instinct |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Anuradha Chepur
Joined: 20 May 2006
Posts: 933
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:49 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Moreover, if a man has a beautiful wife, he would have to deal with all the male attention she would get. Insecurity, jealousy etc. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
RedRose
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Anuradha Chepur wrote: |
| Moreover, if a man has a beautiful wife, he would have to deal with all the male attention she would get. Insecurity, jealousy etc. |
That's mainly why they can't live very old!!! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ad-miral
Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 9:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
beancurd said the most important thing a man can give to a woman is appreciation. But sometimes, (mostly if the woman is a girl), if you appreciate her, then she will exploit you. Especially if the girl is beautiful, she has more capacity, and is rather ready to exploit you.
_________________
If I say "I love you" to someone, then I also have to say "I also love everyone else inside you, I love the whole world because of you, I also love myself inside you." -- Erich Fromm, the Art of Love |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
beancurdturtle
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| ad-miral wrote: |
| But sometimes, (mostly if the woman is a girl), if you appreciate her, then she will exploit you. Especially if the girl is beautiful, she has more capacity, and is rather ready to exploit you. |
You are partially targeting the wrong person here for who is responsible in a greed based relationship.
Appreciation can be given at no cost to the giver. But the desire that a man has to make a woman happy when he appreciates her can be manipulated by a cunning woman.
When a man appreciates a woman, he will be motivated to be generous with her with everything he has. His thoughts, his love, his possessions - everything. He wants to make her happy - and this is appropriate.
If she is a good person she will respect him for his generosity, and respond with generosity. If she is not a good person, she may exploit his generosity and his desire to make her happy.
When a man is exploited it is partly his fault - he is participating in and allowing the circumstance. He has:
1. Allowed his appreciation of the woman, her beauty, and possibly physical desire, to blind him to the exploitation. Or,
2. He knows he is being used, but the sex is so amazing he accepts the net gain.
I think your last love was like scenario #1. Personally I've been in both scenarios before (and maybe a couple others as well).
But I'm not a misogynist, and I completely understand that this exploitation and manipulation goes both ways. There are many men around exploiting women, and (for their own gain) manipulating women's desire for appreciation and companionship.
What I'm saying is - it takes two to dance this dance. And when exploitation occurs - one has to do it, and the other has to allow it. If exploitation happens to us, we should use the experience to understand what is in ourselves that allows us to be exploited, and recognize the signs we are being exploited to prevent it in the future.
There's always at least a little give and take in a relationship. But if we can find a relationship where both people deeply respect and appreciate each other - then honesty, fidelity, generosity, and longevity should be natural.
I'm still looking. Haha!
_________________
Daniel
�Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.�
--Dr. Seuss |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
hoshi
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 564
Location: At the best place of your dreams :D Loveland
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
There are a lot of things a woman can give to her man...
love, sex, respect, kids, kisses, marriage...
_________________
God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why did God gave us only one heart? Because He wants us to find the other one! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Bob S.
Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 8:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| RedRose wrote: |
| beancurdturtle wrote: |
| RedRose wrote: |
| But most men just focus on the frosting and decoration, instead of the cake. |
And isn't that unfortunate? |
That's not unfortunate. that's just instinct |
Ah, that is what separates mere male Homo sapien animals who run on instinct from the real men who rise above their base animal desires and aspire to be truly human. 
_________________
"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
