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hanygeorge38



Joined: 12 Jul 2003
Posts: 90
Location: egypt

PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 3:22 am    Post subject: message Reply with quote

hello teachers

could you please check the following message for grammar
errors :



Please be advised that we received today one Fedex parcel
weighing 1 KG under AWB No. ------------ which was received
after vessel departure from Ain Alsukhna.

In this respect, please advise the way by which said parcel
will be delivered and your instruction by return.

Thanks & Best Regards
_________________
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hany
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bud



Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 2111
Location: New Jersey, US

PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Hanygeorge38,

I didn't respond to this yesterday as I am unsure exactly what you are trying to say. Your grammar seems quite good, but still I cannot figure out what the situation is. It may be your choice of words, or it may be my own confusion.

For example, you have received the parcel, yet you are asking how it will be delivered. Is it something that was delivered to you, and you are now sending it to a third party by ship? Is the message addressed to that third party? If so, are you asking the third party to tell you how to send it now that the intended delivery method is not possible (since the ship has left port)?

Given that confusion, here are a couple of points:

1st paragraph - It's a very good sentence, and correct. I would probably put a comma after "No. -----," and maybe move "today" ---> "... that today we..."

2nd paragraph, "instruction by return" - What do you mean? Are you asking for their instructions on how to return the parcel, or something else?

Salutation - The message is very businesslike in tone. Therefore, I would use "Thank You and Best Regards" to maintain that formality.

Hope that helps. If it's not too late, post the scenario the message is referring to.
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