Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[tisogai]

I really need your big help urgently, Teachers.
Below is the English speech script my little sister is working on. She is 15. I'm helping her put the script into English. There's so much to be improved in the language as well as context as this is a first draft.

So please edit to make it corrent in English and better in any way possible.
Thanks so much.
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I have a dream and must make this dream come true. I also believe it is my mission.

I have a good life now. I go to school, study, and spend time with friends under the protective care of my parents. I am having good times every day. We might take it for granted, but here in Japan, safety as well as education is guaranteed. We are being well-provided for materially and free of need in growing up.

But one day I was schocked and sad to know what is happening to children in the world(know the plight of world's children) and I came to recognise how better situation I have been in. I sometimes do not feel like going to school or eating something I do not like. I am sure I am not the only one. You all feel the same from time to time. So I came to feel ashamed of myself being like that.

So now I want you all to know the plight of those underprivilaged children in other countries. Some children are dying of hunger in poverty. Other children are being forced to work from early morning till late evening in the unsafe(dangerous) enviroment. There are children who are scavenging dirty garbage and begging on the street. There are also so many children who cannot go to school. Children stepping on a mine and becoming maimed or being killed instantly. Somewhere in the world, every 30 minutes a young child is killed by stepping on a mine.

Can you imagine? What we take for granted is nothing more than a dream for them. What a big difference lying between these children and us! What makes this diference? Is that good enough if we are happy? Is that OK for us not paying any attention to that? What do you think?

But unfortunately there is so little I can do now. So I want to do what I can do right now. To make an effort to know what is really happening in this world. To study hard. These are what I can do for now. And when I grow up, I want to work to influence world peace and help those children. While my eyes are filled with hope, eyes of such poor children are dark and frightened. In the future I really want to contribute to changing their life for the better.
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[dragn]

I tried to make sure it's grammatically correct and sensible, and tried to give it a coat of polish at the same time.

* * * * * *

I have a dream, and I'd like to share it with you. Actually, it has become more than a dream; it has become my mission in life, and I am determined to make it a reality.

You see, I have a good life now. I live in a nice, comfortable home under the protective care of loving parents; I attend a safe, well-equipped school and I am taught by well-trained teachers; I spend time with my friends, and have fun and enjoy good times every day. We are well provided for and grow up free from need. We take these things for granted, and consider them to be virtually guaranteed here in Japan.

But you know, sometimes I don't feel like going to school; sometimes I get bored, or maybe I don't feel like eating some dish my mother cooks that's not my favorite. And I'm sure I'm not the only one: I know every one of you feels the same way from time to time. There came a day, however, when I learned of the plight of children in many other parts of the world. When I found out how some children in this world have to live, I was shocked and deeply saddened. I suddenly realized how much better off I am than so many others. At first, I felt lucky. But then I felt ashamed.

I want to call your attention to the plight of underprivileged children in other parts of the world. Children who live in squalor and die of hunger every single day. Children who are forced to slave from morning till night in filthy, dangerous conditions. Children whose best, most nutritious meal of the day comes from picking through garbage, or, if they are lucky, from begging on the street. Children for whom even basic education is a fantasy. Children whose only places to play are littered with mines which kill one of them somewhere in the world every thirty minutes.

Imagine...what we take for granted is nothing more than a dream for them. What an inconceivable difference there is between us, and how inconceivable that it can exist. Is it enough that we are carefree and content? What about them? How can we turn away from them when we know the truth?

Although I feel there is little I can do, I want to do what I can--and I want to do it right now. I want to study hard; I want to learn; I want to know what is really happening in this world. This is what I can do right now. And when I grow up, I want to help those children and work toward the goal of world peace. Their eyes may be filled with despair; but mine are filled with hope. My dream�my mission�is to devote my life to changing theirs for the better.

* * * * * *

Obviously, I took some liberties. I rearranged a few bits for better effect, and I just hope I didn't do too much damage to her meaning. I hope this is OK. Feel free to pick and choose from both versions, and tell your sister I wish her the best of luck.

Greg

[tisogai]

Hi Dragn,

Thank you so very much. I really appreciate your big help.

I especially liked the 5th paragraph you did. It's what she means!
Great.

You're our hero.
Thank you again.