Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[BLKDRGN]

Many learners of English want to make friends with native English speakers, either abroad or in their hometowns.

I used to live in Japan and Korea where the desire to make western friends is particularly high. I now also see it in many of the ESL students I teach here in Toronto, Canada. They all want chances to practice the English they are learning inside classrooms. Unfortunately, they tend to have more difficulty making foreign friends than people from many other cultures do (I think Latin people must have the least difficulty). So, I will concentrate my remarks here on how East Asian learners of English can make foreign friends.

Most such learners are surprised to here from me that I believe the most important thing to know about making English-speaking friends (like Canadians, for example) is that cultural understanding is more important than language skill. In East Asia, it is considered rude or odd to suddenly just start talking to a stranger; but, in the West, this is expected and welcome in most situations. Many westerners will start a conversation with at least one stranger each day (my mum is a good example). And, starting the conversation, rather than waiting for others to talk to you, is the key to making many good friendships with native English speakers. Further, clerks at stores, though easy to talk to, are not ideal conversation partners. They are busy and usually don't have time to carry on talking for long. It is also hard to make friends with them. So, you have to be the one to **start** the conversation with others.

When you are at a bus stop or in a nightclub you might turn to someone who has just arrived and say that you like their handbag, watch, scarf or other article of clothing or jewelry. Then ask them where they got it? To keep the conversation going, ask lots of questions. Most westerners will gladly talk with you and if you find that you have something in common with them, after about 15 minutes you can give them your email address and phone number. Invite them to join a party you are having. This is normal in the West. So, when speaking English and trying to make friends, adopt Western cultural attitudes and temporariy suspend your own culture's rules.

Also, don't worry about grammar mistakes and your accent. Westerners generally understand (especially in multicultural cities like Toronto where people are very used to dealing with immigrants who are not native speakers of English). Actually, most western countries are much more culturally mixed than places like Korea, Japan and Taiwan. So, you can relax a little about using English.

The next big point I want to make for ESL learners who want to make friends with native speakers, especially with those people who are living in asian countries (maybe teaching English there), is that we also want to make friends with you. Many students I have had from Korea and Japan initially find this hard to believe, but it's true. We want to meet you, too.

So, get out there and make some foreign friends. Just make sure that doing so is not only about you improving your English. People can usually tell when you are not being a sincere friend and when you are merely using them, rather than offering real friendship.

I hope this helps.

Robbie McMullan
Chelsea Language Academy
Toronto, Canada
www.ChelseaESL.com