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[ClarissaMach]

Dear teachers, could you please correct this text?

Theme: Education is an indivisible part of the prosperity of the nation. The more educated and cultured people there are in the country the more flourishing and thrifty the country is. Comment on this issue, argument your decision


It is undeniable that education plays a central role regarding the prosperity of a country. Common wisdom has it that the wealth of a nation depends in great part on its workers� productivity, and education can certainly help improving it.

First of all, more educated people live better and healthier: usually they have more information about medicines, vaccines, the importance of doing exercise in a regular basis or the risks of a high fat diet, for example. Enhancing people�s education means favoring their health and life expectancy in general, amplifying people�s chances of working more and better.

Another positive aspect concerning education and productivity has to do with innovation. Higher levels of education improve people�s creativity, reinforcing their ability to conceive new and better processes and products. Innovative knowledge is currently considered one of the main aspects � if not the main one � of a wealthy and competitive nation in the global market.

There is one more way to see the relationship between education and the prosperity of the nation: if we consider �prosperity� as a broader concept, ascribed not only to economic power but also to social development. Education can do a lot for the latter, too.

Unfortunately, GDP (Gross Domestic Product) and HDI (Human Development Index) not always walk together. A country may have a fortune worth the top ten of the GDP charts whereas most of its people live under terrible conditions, due to unequal income distribution. Education might change it since it helps improving people�s political conscience and ability to fight for their rights.

Besides, once people have more money, education can help those making better choices about what to do with it. For example: recent researches have shown that part of the financial aid provided to poor families by the Brazilian government under the social welfare program �Bolsa Fam�lia� is spent with soft drinks. A study estimates an increase of 400% in the intake of soft drinks by these families*.

Why people with very few resources, that need help from the government for a living, spend part of their income with something that does not bring any benefit for their health and that can cause problems such as obesity? Certainly, education (or the lack of it) has something to do with it.

Fortunately, the government stipulates that the families benefited by this program that have children must ensure their attendance to school, aiming at improving human capital and reducing poverty not only in the short-term but also in the long-term. It seems the government is aware about the connection between education and prosperity. I really hope things work out this way and that these actions help Brazil having a more prosperous future.

*In case you are insterested (and can read in Portuguese...), this research is published at http://www.renda.nepp.unicamp.br/sistema/files/Brasil/TR_SAN/TR_san.pdf
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Stormy Weather.

[CP]

As reads: Common wisdom has it that the wealth of a nation depends in great part on its workers� productivity, and education can certainly help improving it.
Change to read: It is common knowledge that the wealth of a nation depends in great part on its workers� productivity, and education can certainly help to improve it.
Comment: The first isn�t wrong, but it just is more likely to use �It is common knowledge� or �Conventional wisdom has it�.

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As reads: Enhancing people�s education means favoring their health and life expectancy in general, amplifying people�s chances of working more and better.
Change to read: Enhancing people�s education improves their health and life expectancy in general, increasing people�s chances of working more and better.
Comment: Not grammatically incorrect, but sounds more natural this way.

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As reads: Unfortunately, GDP (Gross Domestic Product) and HDI (Human Development Index) not always walk together.
Change to read: Unfortunately, GDP (Gross Domestic Product) and HDI (Human Development Index) not always coincide.
Comment: Again, not grammatically incorrect, but sounds more natural this way.

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As reads: Education might change it since it helps improving people�s political conscience and ability to fight for their rights.
Change to read: Education might change this inequality since it helps to raise people�s political consciousness and ability to fight for their rights.

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As reads: Besides, once people have more money, education can help those making better choices about what to do with it.
Change to read: Besides, once people have more money, education can help them make better choices about what to do with it.

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As reads: For example: recent researches have shown that part of the financial aid provided to poor families by the Brazilian government under the social welfare program �Bolsa Fam�lia� is spent with soft drinks. A study estimates an increase of 400% in the intake of soft drinks by these families*.
Change to read: For example, recent research has / research studies have shown that part of the financial aid provided to poor families by the Brazilian government under the social welfare program �Bolsa Fam�lia� is spent on soft drinks. One study estimates an increase of 400% in the intake of soft drinks by these families*.

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As reads: Why people with very few resources, that need help from the government for a living, spend part of their income with something that does not bring any benefit for their health and that can cause problems such as obesity?
Change to read: Why do people with very few resources, who need help from the government to live, spend part of their income on something that does not bring any benefit for their health and that can cause problems such as obesity?

+++

As reads: Fortunately, the government stipulates that the families benefited by this program that have children must ensure their attendance to school, aiming at improving human capital and reducing poverty not only in the short-term but also in the long-term. It seems the government is aware about the connection between education and prosperity. I really hope things work out this way and that these actions help Brazil having a more prosperous future.
Change to read: Fortunately, the government requires that the families with children that are benefited by this program must ensure that they attend school, aiming at improving human capital and reducing poverty not only in the short term but also in the long term. It seems the government is aware of the connection between education and prosperity. I really hope things work out this way and that these actions help Brazil to have a more prosperous future.

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You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb

[ClarissaMach]

Thanks a lot, CP.

I think I've read "Common wisdom has it" in a British magazine, but I'm not sure! Anyaway, conventional wisdom seems more polite.
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Stormy Weather.

[CP]

Clarissa:

Usually in the U.S. we will say either "conventional wisdom" or "common knowledge," but not "common wisdom." Of course, it may be different in the U.K.
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You live a new life for every new language you speak. -Czech proverb