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ziawj2
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Posts: 19
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 Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2014 7:50 pm Post subject: Please help to check a note |
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Please help me check the note in terms of appropriateness. Thank you.
Hi Sara,
I heard you will organize an end-of-the-term party. Wonderful! I would like to help you to borrow a classroom from the Students’ Service Office and then decorate it with colored flags, paper and lights. What’s more, I know some rock bands and I am willing to invite one of them to give a performance for us. What do you think?
Looking forward to your reply.
Best regards,
Roy |
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wanderkind
Joined: 04 Mar 2014
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2014 10:36 pm Post subject: Re: Please help to check a note |
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| ziawj2 wrote: |
Hi Sara,
I heard you will organize an end-of-the-term party. Wonderful! I would like to help you to borrow a classroom from the Students’ Service Office and then decorate it with colored flags, paper and lights. What’s more, I know some rock bands and I am willing to invite one of them to give a performance for us. What do you think?
Looking forward to your reply.
Best regards,
Roy |
| ziawj2 wrote: |
Hi Sara,
I heard you will organize an end-of-the-term party. Wonderful! I would like to help you to borrow a classroom from the Students’ Service Office as well as decorate it. What’s more, I know some rock bands and I could invite one of them to give a performance for us. What do you think?
Looking forward to your reply.
Best regards,
Roy |
I think the appropriateness kind of depends on the speaker's relationship with Sara (is she the speaker's friend or stranger or senior etc.).
There are a couple of spots I'd amend the note though.
I'd change 'and then' for 'as well as', end the sentence at 'decorate it'. Those parts just strike me as overly specific (usually when someone else is planning something you wouldn't offer to help with a plan of your own).
Secondly, substitute 'could' for 'am willing to'. 'willing to' suggests that's maybe it's not convenient to you, or not something you want to do, but you will do anyway.
But maybe others would disagree with me. |
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ziawj2
Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Posts: 19
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 1:12 am Post subject: apprepriateness of a note |
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| Suppose you and Sara are strangers and you are a senior. Could you show me how will you write the note in two different styles? Thank you! |
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wanderkind
Joined: 04 Mar 2014
Posts: 32
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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If you're strangers I wouldn't write it too differently from what you did (plus the changes I mentioned before) regardless of whether you're her senior or not. Just remember to keep it polite, it would be important to suggest / propose ideas instead of phrasing it imperatively.
If you were friends I would have suggested using more casual phrasing. |
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