Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[existenz]

Our tough tendency and inclination of this topic � Edward Said - rises from the fact that this topic was not discussed seriously at our school and so was briefly mentioned. As a result, we chose it to widen our horizons and to learn about it more in depth. Not to mention the admiration of his theories and ideas which attracted us and left a deep effect in our hearts that somehow, motivated us to dissect and explore his world.

Can anybody help me please spot out any grammatical or structural mistakes because I feel it's not clear enough.

[bud]

This is very, very good, Existenz, in spite of the following comments:

"Our tough tendency and inclination of this topic � Edward Said - rises..."

** This is mostly correct, but it's a little odd and it confused me when I first read it (the " - Edward Said - " part). Consider something like this:

Our inclination and determination regarding this topic, the work of Edward Said, arises

"... from the fact that this topic was not discussed seriously at our school and so was briefly mentioned."

** The only part I don't like is "and so." That phrase indicates that a second thing ("briefly mentioned") follows from a previous fact ("not discussed seriously"). I think what you are trying to do is emphasize the 'previous fact' by stating it in another way. Thus, consider something like this:

from the fact that this topic was not discussed seriously at our school and, in truth, was briefly mentioned. or...

from the fact that this topic was not discussed seriously at our school and, indeed, was barely mentioned.

As a result, we chose it to widen our horizons and to learn about it more in depth.

** Very natural sounding!

"Not to mention the admiration of his theories and ideas which attracted us and left a deep effect in our hearts that somehow, motivated us to dissect and explore his world."

** I don't know whether or not this is correct, but it sounds a little off to me. It seems more like a clause than a complete sentence, and usually a clause starting with "not to mention" is a clause at the end of a sentence. To me, it reads better without the phrase... I'm not crazy about "somehow" either. "Somehow" would lead me to think that it was some small miracle that motivated you to study his work. Yet you admired his theories, so why did it take a small miracle? So I would eliminate that, too... A third point is "left a deep effect in our hearts." That's good, and you might decide to leave it as is, but a common way to express the thought is "touched our hearts."

Our admiration of his theories and ideas attracted us, and touched our hearts, which motivated us to dissect and explore his world.

Again, great job, Existenz. This is very advanced writing. I hope my comments help..

[existenz]

Thank you very much for your efforts

I wish you all the best !