Dave's ESL Cafe's Student Discussion Forums

[zeppy]

How to understand the bold ones? sorry for my long question ....quite eager to know what it means . thanks anyway !

It�s not what your boyfriend says but does that should serve as the true testament of his love for you or lack thereof. Right now he�s taking you for granted, denying you in front of others and dedicating much of his life energy, not to mention his gift-related financial resources, to another woman. He also appears to be stringing you along, hoping to keep you as his sexual safety net in the event he should lose his footing in the affair. Not much of a testament there.
Regardless of whether or not he is sleeping with his coworker, it�s likely he�s already cheating on you, as infidelity has an emotional component as well as a physical one. The more time he spends with her, the more likely it is that he will reveal areas of his emotional life, or details regarding your relationship that you consider to be special things the two of you should share. At the same time he may begin to shut you out of these types of discussions. Sometimes, especially for women, this type of emotional betrayal can be more difficult to accept than sexual infidelity.

[bud]

Hi Zeppy,

Nice to see a question from you again...

lack thereof - refers to the lack of something mentioned previously (his love for you). It's what he does, not what he says, that is the real proof of whether or not he loves you.

taking you for granted - it is the assumption that you will be there for him in spite of what he does. If he doesn't show up for a date with you, and doesn't call beforehand to cancel, and doesn't have a very good explanation afterward - then he is taking you for granted. You can also take a thing for granted.

not much of a testament there - this refers to the previous sentence, and also the first sentence. It means that stringing you along and keeping you as a sexual safety net is evidence of his lack of love for you. It is an understatement (the opposite of an exaggeration) where "not much" really means "none at all."

as infidelity... physical one - there are two parts to infidelity (cheating), physical and emotional. Even if there has been no sexual activity between them, it is cheating (in this writer's opinion) if he is pursuing an emotional relationship with her.

the more time... should share - As he spends more time with the second person, it is likely that their emotional bonds will strengthen. As that happens, it is more likely that he will tell her things that he doesn't discuss with you anymore, and it is also more likely that he will tell her things that should be kept secret between you and him.

Note: I'm using "you" in the general sense, not to mean Zeppy.


Hope that helps!