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BMO
Joined: 19 Feb 2004 Posts: 705
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Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2005 6:15 pm Post subject: Edit please. |
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Most of these have been edited before, but I am not positive. Thanks a lot.
1. �Who says money doesn�t grow on trees?� The investment club president told the would-be investors, �I guarantee to triple your investment in one month.�
2. Have you noticed Linda�s behavior lately? She seems so lethargic; do you think she is on drugs? After all, where there is smoke, there is fire.
3. As I have told you many times, it is a bad idea to grow marijuana in your own backyard. If you play with fire, you will get burned; you may end up in jail someday.
4. Like most shoplifters, Bill believed he wouldn�t be caught. Since the fish will soon be caught that nibbles at every bite, he was caught red-handed shoplifting a pack of cigarettes last Friday.
BMO |
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bud
Joined: 09 Mar 2003 Posts: 2111 Location: New Jersey, US
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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1. Good
2. I wouldn't use a semi-colon after "lethargic." I think a new sentence is better.
3. It is grammatical. The only thing I don't like is that the saying states a certainty, while your conclusion states a possibility. So I'd probably change it to: "... you will end up..."
4. It is probably grammatical, but the second sentence doesn't work well. To my ear, it seems like it needs a "but..." The main thing I don't like, though, is that the saying involves frequency, but you have said nothing in the first sentence about the frequency of Bill's shoplifting. So the saying doesn't seem exactly appropriate. So maybe something like:
Bill stole whenever he walked into a store, and like most shoplifters, he believed he wouldn't be caught. But since..."
Hope that helps. |
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BMO
Joined: 19 Feb 2004 Posts: 705
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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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Great, I see your point. Thanks a lot, it is definitely better.
BMO |
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