Teaching modals

[svoorhees1]

Hi,
I am a graduate student getting my masters in TESOL and have to do a short grammar explanation as to how I would answer the following question if I was asked in class:

I often use “had better” to give strong advice, but my American friend told me that I was not so polite when I said, “You had better come over to my house for dinner.” Can you help me to use modals politely?

Any suggestions?

Thank you!

[Lorikeet]

Hi,
I am a graduate student getting my masters in TESOL and have to do a short grammar explanation as to how I would answer the following question if I was asked in class:

I often use “had better” to give strong advice, but my American friend told me that I was not so polite when I said, “You had better come over to my house for dinner.” Can you help me to use modals politely?

Any suggestions?

Thank you!

For me, "had better" is very strong advice, but there is usually/often an implied warning or threat attached. In addition, "had better" instead of " 'd better" is even more forceful. For example:

You'd better finish your homework before you watch TV. (or you will forget and it won't get done.) ("You had better finish your homework before you watch TV sounds like an angry parent talking.")

You'd better make an appointment with the doctor today. (or when you try to make one later, they will all be filled and you are feeling sick now.)

You'd better take the car to the repair shop. (It's been making some strange sounds, and if you don't do it, it might suddenly stop working.)

If you say, "You had better come over to my house for dinner." the grammar is perfect, but it seems like a strange thing for a warning or a threat. You could make some kind of story to make it possible, such as...

"So you were invited to your boss's house for dinner! You know, I've noticed you don't know how to eat politely following American customs. You had better come over to my house for dinner. I can show you what you should or shouldn't do. Then you will make a good impression."

[Andrew Patterson]

It's probably worth noting that it is not impolite to say, "I'd better," since the threat is on the speaker. This is often used where the speaker has an obligation. "We'd better" can be used in a similar way when the speaker and the people included in the "we" have a shared obligation, or where the enviroment or other people but not the speaker seem threatening.