Any history teacher here?mind to give me a comment or grade?

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wiwi
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Any history teacher here?mind to give me a comment or grade?

Post by wiwi » Wed Mar 14, 2007 4:23 pm

Anyone here can give comments or maybe correction to my history essay?or grade me,i am sitting for gcse o'level this year.

Q.Do you think the weaknesses of the whites are important in contributing bolshevik victory over the civil war?

AnS:
I agree that the weaknesses of the whites is important to a certain extent in contributing to bolshevik victory over the civil war. However, there are other important factor such as Lenin as a leader of bolshevik party and Trotsky, whose millitary experience was necessary for the victory.

Whites were not united as they were made up of many different groups with their own leaders.Unlike bolsheviks which were led by a strong leader-lenin,whites did not have a strong leader to unite them and they often quarelled.Whites were supported by foreign powers which made them very unpopular with the Russian people.Added to worse, whites have less support from the peasants as they were very harsh in the areas they controlled and they were often linked with the Old Tsarist Rule.

While one other important factor is Lenin as a leader of Bolshevik party.Lenin's brilliance as a speaker was able to incite a sense of nationalism among the soldiers and peasants to want to fight against the foreigners and the Whites to defend the newly-established communist state.Lenin's economic policy of war communism ensured that the
Red army received adequate supplies needed to win the war.Lenin's
political leadership ensured unity in the Bolshevik that prevent bolsheviks from losing the civil war.

Another important factor is brillliant millitary skill and leadership of Leon
trotsky.The red army had the leadership of Trotsky.Trotsky built the armyinto a strong and skillful millitary force,reintroduced conscriptions and make good use of millitary experts.The millitary strategy and territorial advantage of controlling the centre of
Russia enabled the red army to move their troops easily from one front to another unlike the Whites which were widely spread at the outlying areas of Russia that hindered coordination of their campaign against bolsheviks.

Hence,the victory of the Bolsheviks party in the civil war was not only due to the weaknesses of the whites but Lenin as a strong leader and Trotsky brilliant millitary skill and experience that built the red army into a stong formidable force.
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:D :D essays from a singaporean student who is sitting for o'level history this year
Last edited by wiwi on Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Senorita Daniels
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Post by Senorita Daniels » Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:36 pm

You need capital letters for the begining of sentences, and the names of people and the different parties in the war. (propper nouns, I assume you learned about them) You also need to put spaces between the sentences and after commas.

wiwi
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well thanks for the comment

Post by wiwi » Thu Mar 15, 2007 3:38 pm

anybody who can make comments for my content?pls help,,thank U

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Lorikeet
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Post by Lorikeet » Thu Mar 15, 2007 3:51 pm

Sometimes if the punctuation and capitalization are wrong, it's very difficult for us to read. We spend our time noticing those errors and can't pay attention to the content.

Also, if you want someone to help correct and give feedback to your essays, you would do better to post in the Student Forums, in the "Help Center" where teachers go specifically to assist students. This forum is more for teachers helping teachers.

wiwi
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Post by wiwi » Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:45 pm

sorry..lorikeet
but i lose my student forums login password,and currently i only have one e-mail.which is [email protected].
and i can't track back my acc and password
dunno wad happen also
or btw are u the creator of this forum?
thanks a lot!your forum are very helpful to me :D

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