How to handle

Mellody · Post by **Mellody** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 2:04 pm

Like everyone, I have had students who are annoying or irritating, but this week for the first time, I gained a student who, um, I really have a negative visceral reaction to.

I have paired her with the only other person in the class who speaks her language, but sometimes he cannot translate (he, too, is a beginning student!)

I am very disturbed with myself that I have this reaction to her. I always want students to feel safe and comfortable in the classroom so they can learn better, and I'm afraid she will pick up my own negative feelings.

How have YOU handled feelings like that and was there a way you were able to neutralize the negative energy coming from within?

Thanks much,

Mello

PS As you can see, I take ful responsibility for my own feelings. I work with the student and do all that I can to help her, as is my commitment. She is learning, and growing and so am I.

It was quite a risk for me to post here, but I wanted to open this topic for discussion among other pros in hopes of getting some helpful feedback and input that could be supportive within Adult ESOL teaching. Apparently this is not possible.

Konni · Post by **Konni** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 9:54 pm

I teach my students, and I respect their contributions to the classroom. You're not there to like your students or not. Liking other students is as much a problem as not liking this one.

Swallow your unprofessional response and remind yourself that you are what she came for: a teacher. When she interrupts, politely deal with her as you do with all interruptions. When she 'spouts gibberish' remember that she is learning the language, and you are her teacher: teach her not to 'spout gibberish.'

If you can't control your classroom ask for help in this area, especially if you are a new teacher. This is not uncommon that new teachers worry about personal bonds with students rather than their profession.

More experienced teachers at your school will be able to help you if you focus on your problem: lack of control and professionalism in the classroom.

But if you focus on whether you like or dislike a student, what can anyone do? This is a psychology issue, not a teaching issue. Who's to say why two people like or don't like each other?

Why do you pair students who speak the same language if that language isn't what you're teaching?

Mellody · Post by **Mellody** » Fri Jun 10, 2005 10:17 pm

Thank you for your supportive and helpful feedback.

Lorikeet · Post by **Lorikeet** » Sat Jun 11, 2005 2:16 am

Sigh, here's my third try to respond to your post--I just can't seem to express my ideas the way I want to. In my 35 years of experience, I have had only one student whose behavior was so bad the Dean of Students kicked him out of the class. I guess the question isn't so much if you like him, but how disruptive is he in the classroom? Are the other students afraid of him? Do they seem to resent the time he is taking? Think about where you can accommodate him and where you need to draw the line, so that the impact on the other students is reduced.

Sally Olsen · Post by **Sally Olsen** » Tue Jun 14, 2005 6:27 pm

I have always found that if I have a negative gut reaction to a student, I have the problem. They exhibit some characteristics that I feel badly about in myself or have trouble dealing with in my own life. Take it as learning experience for yourself and find out what exactly it is that bothers you and then look for the difficulties you have had in life and try to work them out.
This is not the same as a student who doesn't seem to like you for some reason. Students decide in the first 15 seconds if they are going to respect you or not and I suppose we do the same for the students.
I suppose some problems are just beyond repair and you could ask that she move to another class. I can't imagine having a student I detested in my class for a whole semester. Couldn't be good for either of you but if it isn't long, you can bite the bullet and be "professional".

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:29 am

Oh, come on Sally, you can't really be Mother Theresa!

It depends why you don't like the student, doesn't it? Usually we don't like students because they disrupt our classes and selfishly spoil the education of their fellow human beings. There is usually something to be learned from such people, perhaps they have a bad reaction to our method of teaching, but why flog yourself if you don't like them? Just endure awhile, curse them secretly to yourself, and often they learn to fit in a bit better.

However, if you do not like the student because she has a large wart on her nose then you are a very naughty teacher. Give yourself 2000 lines.

Sally Olsen · Post by **Sally Olsen** » Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:36 pm

Do you really know Mother Theresa? Some people say that she was dictatorial, rude, demanding, publicily degraded people who didn't live up to her standards and had extremely high principles. What she is remembered for is helping people who no one else would help. So I guess I do fall under this last category and have occassionally done some of the former. I actually like the students who disrupt the best in my classroom so wouldn't find those students difficult at all. I like the challenge they pose for whatever reason and trying to figure out what it is in my teaching style that causes them difficulty. I spend a great deal of time talking to these students.
But very occassionally I come across a student I just can't stand - I guess for me it is usually a woman who is preoccupied with the extreme version of womanly life - her nails, her make up, her dress, how she can get such and such a guy, etc. Since I am a tomboy, I find this type of behaviour unsettling, annoying, boring, and so on. I find it extemely hard to carry on a lengthy conversation with this type of person or to value their contributions to the class if they follow this pattern. I feel that is this is a lack in my outlook and not theirs and try to think more carefully about what this means in my life. I can be polite of course, and sufffer through the fashion essays or the descriptions of different nail polishes but I am sure that it affects my final evaluation of their contributions. Is that fair?

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:39 am

If we ever end up in the same school, let's do a deal.

You get the rude and disruptive students in your class, and I get the pretty ones!

Sally Olsen · Post by **Sally Olsen** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 8:01 pm

Why would you automatically think that someone who is fussing about nails, boys, dress and so on would be pretty? Interesting. I certainly will take the loud, assertive, noisy, objectionable, challenging ones though. That's a deal.
Woody, do you understand how your slick and sometimes cutting comments (often funnier in other forums) can limit a discussion? Here is someone, Mellody, who put her thoughts on line for help with a problem that she probably couldn't discuss with her colleagues. This a perfect place to do it anonymously and yet she was "attacked" by Konni and you for daring to express her doubts about her teaching. It is an open forum and she should be prepared to get criticism along with thoughtful and helpful posts of course, but I just wondered if you realized how strong your comments could be. As you see from her edits, she feels that she can't get help from this forum now. I would advise her to look at both of your complete collection of posts and get an idea of the nature of your other posts and then evaluate the ones posted here in that light.

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 11:33 pm

Mellody - You said you hate the student for no reason. I suggested that you probably do have a good reason, so don't worry, but endure. I can't really see what crime I have committed.

Sally - I apologize for all my ham-fisted (not slick!) wise-cracks, some of them are surely ill-judged. In the end though, I like to use humour in posts, and unfortunately some people will take it the wrong way. I suppose I should have seen it coming on this thread and kept my nose out.

I do not really favour pretty students - at least I hope not. Do you really, truly like disruptive students? You have an idea of what you want to do with a lesson, and somebody disrupts it, ruins that plan. Perhaps they bully or humiliate another student, they won't let anyone else talk, they refuse to participate at all or they angrily have a go at you. You like that?

Hanson · Post by **Hanson** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:43 pm

Disliking a student from time to time is perfectly normal and understandable in my book. The way I deal with it is to make a concerted effort to talk to them one-on-one; either during a break, after/before class, or while students are doing an activity where I can exchange a few words with them in passing. In doing so, I often find that my dislike for the student is ill-founded.

Once, about 8 years ago, I was having a discussion with a fellow teacher about "problem students". His approach has forever remained with me. He said that he would 'win the student over' to his side by showing interest in the student, by joking around (carefully) with the student, by praising the student for even the slightest thing done well, etc.

This may seem unfair to other students in the eyes of some teachers, but I see it as a way for other students to enjoy the class more, and for me, the teacher, to be able to teach them more effectively (since my mood is also better).

Not sure if this helps, or if the OP is even still reading this thread, since the original post was from June...

Lorikeet · Post by **Lorikeet** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 4:06 pm

woodcutter wrote:
Do you really, truly like disruptive students? You have an idea of what you want to do with a lesson, and somebody disrupts it, ruins that plan. Perhaps they bully or humiliate another student, they won't let anyone else talk, they refuse to participate at all or they angrily have a go at you. You like that?

I doubt anyone really *likes* the kind of disruptive student you mention, Woodcutter, but thinking it over I was reminded of something that happened to me over 30 years ago, early in my teaching career (adult immigrants). I had one student that was truly one of my favorites. He had a wonderful sense of humor, even at a very low English level, was unafraid of trying to make jokes in English, spoke out in class without asking permission, asked questions, and livened things up. One day I was speaking to one of the older, more authoritarian teachers, who was going on and on about one of her students who was a real thorn in her side. She couldn't stand him because he disrupted everything. Sure enough, it was the same student. It made me realize that different students and teachers can have different effects on each other.

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 9:24 pm

Aye, but the student that all the teachers curse is more common. Especially in an environment where there are many behavioural issues.

I was trying to be helpful - trying to suggest that Mellody was not filled with random, disturbing rage, but reacting to a student who did not fit in to her class very well. Now, that may be because of her own style of teaching, but anyway, there is no cause to fret too much.

Anyway, I'm sure we can learn from "disruption" and we needn't always blame the student. I don't think you can enjoy it though - if you enjoy it, if it is the kind of challenging tangent that you welcome, it isn't "disruption" at all.

Sally Olsen · Post by **Sally Olsen** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:09 pm

I didn't mean to put a damper on your humour either Woody which is why I suggested that she read all your posts and discover your style. I have often got a chuckle and once or twice a belly laugh from you humour. I think it is necessary too and so was a bit surprised that you would find students who do similar things such an obstacle. I agree with meeting them one-on-one, encouraging their interests, finding things to encourage in their work and so on too. I wouldn't put up with bullying at all and would have a discussion on the spot about such behaviour.
Since I was a challenging student such as you described (without the bullying of course), I guess I am drawn to such people. I spent a great deal of time in the hall and the janitor eventually took pity on me and taught me more than my Math teacher and the librarian used to leave my favourite books just outside the door so that when I was thrown out of English class yet again for talking out of turn or talking to my neighbour and so on, I could at least read. Those were days of the strap which I got frequently for playing on the boy's side of the playground or the recipient of the piece of chalk thrown with deadly accuracy from the front of the room. So I have a great deal of empathy for these students. In my case, my troubles stemmed from undiagnosed Learning Disabilites so I learned by talking, not reading. Some students have never learned school skills and just need to know the reasons for why they should take turns, fill out forms the way you want and so on. If I can't justify the way that I do things or why I want things done in a certain way, then I usually rethink my methods or examine the students' culture more closley including their experiences with native teachers and former foreign teachers. I also spend a lot of time finding out where those disruptive students spend time after school and try to observe them in a positive situation where they doing something that I can encourage. They are often great at sports, for example.

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 10:13 pm

It's great that you help such people out Sally, and lucky for them if they have an understanding ear.

I was a poor student at high school, for one reason and another, too. In my case though, the main reason was probably frustration at the environment. The other students did not want to learn, and I wasn't tough enough to stick out and be a good student. I think it's important that we attend to the general atmosphere first, and deal with the particular after that.

Teacher Discussion Forums

How to handle

How to handle

Liking/Teaching