How to teach English

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Thu May 01, 2008 11:59 pm

I think around 70% of adult students go to class without any great intention to study hard or get anywhere, and 95% of kids are herded in against their will. Therefore I have an ambition to set up a "Wasters' Academy" in which you pay money to Woodcutter but there are actually no classes going on - you are assigned a few "classmates" and you can go to the shopping mall and drink or watch movies together. However, you get a certificate to show people after six months. As long as I can bribe someone at Cambridge Uni to give it an official blessing, it should work a treat.

mesomorph · Post by **mesomorph** » Fri May 02, 2008 12:26 am

woodcutter wrote:... I have an ambition to set up a "Wasters' Academy" in which you pay money to Woodcutter but there are actually no classes going on - you are assigned a few "classmates" and you can go to the shopping mall and drink or watch movies together. However, you get a certificate to show people after six months. As long as I can bribe someone at Cambridge Uni to give it an official blessing, it should work a treat.

I've been thinking about just walking around from place to place selling little bits of scrap metal and stones and shiit that I find along the way.

woodcutter · Post by **woodcutter** » Fri May 02, 2008 2:15 am

Hmmmm. I'm not sure if that's the same. There is no big market for stones found on the road. However, there is a big market for gym memberships never used, and language classes never attended (or attended by body only).

JuanTwoThree · Post by **JuanTwoThree** » Fri May 02, 2008 8:59 am

Wall Street and Opening were like that. If everybody had arrived at once, insisting on their own computer and convo class, the place would have collapsed: just like a gym and getting fit they were reliant on students pretending to study but not really going.

Mesomorph, giving a competent class is actually not that difficult, as you say. Do you enjoy it?

mesomorph · Post by **mesomorph** » Fri May 02, 2008 7:39 pm

JuanTwoThree wrote:Wall Street and Opening were like that. If everybody had arrived at once, insisting on their own computer and convo class, the place would have collapsed: just like a gym and getting fit they were reliant on students pretending to study but not really going.

Mesomorph, giving a competent class is actually not that difficult, as you say. Do you enjoy it?

Yes I did enjoy it thanks. Different to teaching kids Roald Dahl.

mesomorph · Post by **mesomorph** » Fri May 02, 2008 7:42 pm

woodcutter wrote:Hmmmm. I'm not sure if that's the same. There is no big market for stones found on the road. However, there is a big market for gym memberships never used, and language classes never attended (or attended by body only).

Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted Stroehmann: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the excercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7... Minute... Abs.
Ted Stroehmann: Right. Yes. OK, alright. I see where you're going.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted Stroehmann: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted Stroehmann: You guarantee it? That's -- how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".
Ted Stroehmann: That's right. That's -- that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?
[Hitchhiker convulses]
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted Stroehmann: That -- good point.
Hitchhiker: 7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
Ted Stroehmann: Why?
Hitchhiker: 'Cause you're f-uckin' fired!