Teacher Discussion Forums

Hi Everyone.

I just published a book of funny English mistakes ("Never Lick a Gift Horse in the Mouth: And 400 Other Innocent Mistakes From New English Language Students") And I am currently collecting new mistakes and very short, funny stories related to mistakes for a second book and for the website, InnocentEnglish.com.

If you have any favorite English mistakes from your students or friends (maybe even yourself) and you would like to spread a little laughter, please go to InnocentEnglish.com and click on "SEND YOURS". I plan to post some of the best ones on the website, which I hope to turn into a central hub of for sharing and reading funny English mistakes. I also plan to include the funniest ones in a follow up book.

Thanks!

Bryant Oden

There's about 400 every exam. So many that they simply aren't funny any more.

I agree. I think it ranks with "America's Funniest Home Videos", or maybe headlines over magazine advertisements that scream, "Do You Make Any Of These Embarrassing English Mistakes?"

Larry Latham

Not exactly a mistake to relate here , more just a little misunderstanding/mishearing probably, due to my warped world-view and the strange expectations I can sometimes (often?) bring to conversations:
http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/teacher/v ... 1761#11761

That's just one of the less saucy servings you'll be, um, er, served in my latest book, Larf till you barf.*

* Incidentally, if you do actually barf all over your copy, just scrape off the worst of the carrot, seal it in a watertight bag deep inside a parcel/lead container clearly labelled HAZARDOUS WASTE, and send it to me for a replacement copy, free of charge! (ALLERGY WARNING: Replacement copies may contain traces of peanut).

Seriously, though, it is hard to think of student mistakes that were amusing enough to be memorable, and we've all seen enough "remarkable" and "strange" signs and advertising on our travles or in books. About the only book that made me smile just a bit was Richard Lederer's Anguished English, and then, I seem to recall that in those faintly amusing parts, he was talking about native-speaker student mistakes rather than non-native. Also faintly funny are e.g. the mistakes made by lolwhite's "stud" Spanish student (see the Bilingual Forum's sticky on learner dictionaries). I guess we might laugh at ourselves or others like us, but don't get much out of or feel uncomfortable laughing at our students (at least, not at stuff like "Lick a gift horse...").

Context: we'd somehow got talking about accidents, near misses, in a class, which led into a need for and consideration of 'almost'. Asked students who'd only been listening up to that point to maybe think of any situations in which they'd almost... . One guy, without a trace of irony, said, 'I almost ate my dinner last night' (that his wife had cooked for him). Me: 'Is you wife a really bad cook, or is she trying to poison you, or something?!' All had a good laugh, and he realized he'd made a mistake, it seemed.

The question is, what do you think he was trying to say instead? Something more basic, that didn't need the additional "complexity" of the form being "practised" (successfully by others)?

Tie your answers to a brick and lob them through Larry "Mr Logic IQ wrestler" Latham's trailer trash trailer park trailer window...then run like hell before he gives you "a piece of his mind" (literally).

My "stud" spanish student gave a perfect example of how not to use a bilingual dictionary so it's the kind of anecdote I relay to students as a warning not to just use the first word you see. I certainly wouldn't consider it particularly ethical to sell the story.

I would consider it even less ethical to ask complete strangers over the internet to write my books for me.

Hmm, ethics, I hadn't really considered that...I was just thinking there wouldn't be that many bucks to be made out of this stuff.

I suppose if the writer declares their sources it'd be OK, but not to make a few quid passing off someone else's material as their own. Personally I think teaching is a more honest living than copying other people's anecdotes into a book and flogging it but maybe I'm old fashioned.

Hey all.

Evidently we've all had one or another good laugh when a student says something like "I shoot the back door at 9.30." or "The theif threw the jewelry from that store.". Laughter is a very relaxing activity, it releases substances into our muscles that makes them relax, the muscles of articulation are pretty tiny and appreciate those substances. From time to time I might remind a student of one of his/her "funny" mistakes and we all have another laugh at it. Remembering is repetition.

And yet, I have to agree with my colleagues here, collecting these stories and publishing them sounds like a form of discrimination towards those who weren't born speaking English. I don't doubt that this "author" means it all in good fun, but why focus on common mistakes in English when there is more of a need of doing things, forgive the "c" word, "correctly"? Sounds like The Reader's Digest reading to me, light, distracting, sometimes chuckle-making, but then you have to set it down, open your mouth and let the dentist fill that tooth. It will be interesting to see what Mr Oden's reactions will be to our comments, if he decides to rebut.

peace,
revel.

Hello. It’s Bryant here. I thought I’d share my thoughts about the most important concern voiced in your replies (and let a couple of misunderstandings go), then bow out and let any discussions on the topic continue, or end, as the case may be.


I think it is a good question-- an important one:

Can there be a genuine sensitivity and respect, and a heart-warmth and kindness towards Second Language Learners, while at the same time having an enjoyment and appreciation for that wonderful quality of language-- any language, in which the slightest change of pronunciation, grammar, an idiom, etc. can create an entirely different meaning?

Could it be appropriate to appreciate that quality of language even when it is demonstrated through mistakes of ESL students, and to delightedly share some of those mistakes, as someone might share a good pun or a good word-play joke?


Because there is an undeniable history of years-- of centuries-- of discrimination, prejudice and unconscious presumptions of superiority over other cultures in the major English speaking cultures, I do understand how it could be appropriate for the pendulum to swing towards the other end for a time—being kindly careful to not even hint towards anything that could be interpreted in that old, damaging way, not out of obligatory political correctness, but out of a genuine heart-desire to help counter and heal that way of thinking.

I also deeply feel that the end goal isn’t for the pendulum to remain tilted in that counter-direction, but for it to rest in the middle, without tension or agenda, in a natural position that isn’t focused on being conscientiously sensitive to “them”, because the rift between “us” and “them” has disappeared. There are differences, celebrated differences, but not between “us” and “them”, but between “us” and “us”. The whole notion of “them” loses its hold, and we are all seen as part of the human family, at the core having really the same hearts and souls.

This process of the pendulum correctively moving far to the other end, and then normalizing in the middle, has occurred and is occurring with many situations in which there is a cultural predisposition towards discrimination and strong judgment regarding a particular group, whether based on race, religion, culture, sexual orientation, gender, physical appearance, ability levels, etc.

It is good there are still many who are holding the pendulum at the opposite, highly attuned, corrective pole in this area, by being very conscientiously sensitive. It is also good that there are growing pockets, here and there, in which there is a normalizing, a settling of the pendulum in the middle.

Those of you who do feel uncomfortable, or even upset, about a collection celebrating the humor of language mistakes by non-fluent students are coming from a place of trying to keep the pendulum in a direction unquestionably better than the old way (which was more like a wrecking ball than a pendulum), and I see the real goodness in that.



I imagine if I were collecting funny mistakes of English speakers learning Japanese or Korean, there would be less of a reaction in you, understandably. But because I am an English speaker, and because my experience is with learners of English, and because I really enjoy this delightful quality of language that appears in puns, word-play and innocent mistakes, and because I am clear within myself of what my intention is and what it isn’t—where I am coming from and where I am not, I enjoy collecting and sharing humorous English mistakes.

In case it is of interest, here is the two-part introduction from the book:


Introduction

Several years ago, on a college trip to an orphanage in Mexico, I enthusiastically greeted each of the children with "Buenos Dios! Buenos Dios!" After many puzzled looks and much laughter, a friend explained, "You're not saying ‘Good day.’ You're running around shouting ‘Good God! Good God!’”

Anyone trying to learn a new language is going to make plenty of mistakes. And some of them just might be entertaining enough to be worth jotting down and sharing with a few friends.

This book is a collection of innocent mistakes from international college and professional students I've tutored in conversational and written English over the years. Laugh all you like— at least until you find yourself in their situation.


Some Words of Appreciation

As almost any Conversational English tutor will tell you, when you spend up to six hours a week talking one-on-one with someone, you're not just meeting a student. You are developing a friendship.

From the time the idea first arose to compile this collection into a book, I have talked about it with all of my students, who without exception have been supportive, encouraging, and genuinely pleased to be of unintentional service.

So, to all of my students, a sincere thanks— for your friendship, for your enthusiasm and encouragement, and of course, for your wonderful mistakes.

And if I ever come to your country, have a pen and paper ready. I'm sure I'll return the favor. Until then, buenos Dios! Buenos Dios!

----------------------------------------------------------
From “Never Lick a Gift Horse in the Mouth: And 400 Other Innocent Mistakes From New English Language Students”. Compiled by Bryant Oden

It is good there are still many who are holding the pendulum at the opposite, highly attuned, corrective pole in this area, by being very conscientiously sensitive. It is also good that there are growing pockets, here and there, in which there is a normalizing, a settling of the pendulum in the middle.

Nope. It's not that. It's that these kinds of collections are not funny. Yours may be genuine anecdotes, but most people know that many of these collections are contrived. Good for a chuckle perhaps, but not to be believed.

Larry Latham

Well, there may be some good laffs to be had from student mistakes, but there aren't that many on view in this thread, are there! I think we can safely assume that generally, good puns and plays on words that are consciously fashioned by a sharp wit will always be funnier (more effective) than any learner's silly little mistakes.

Another little anecdote: In a Japanese high school's English class, I'd mentioned some of my interests (martial arts, Zen etc), and the fact that I could speak and read and write a little Chinese. When asked to write a few kanji, I thought I'd write the one for 'Zen' on the board, and stood back to admire my handiwork, cackling at my continued prowess.

Unfortunately, what I'd scrawled was this: 裸, not this: 禅.

The first kanji there means "naked"...

I could say it's because I'd added an extra stroke to the left-side radical that my mind got led down the wrong tracks...

I think for a mistake to be genuinely amusing, there has to be a faintly possible yet most likely alternate reality, in which the mistake makes (could make) perfect sense - presuming we have the imagination to see it that way. But maybe that's just me...

I'm sure that was funny. But you had to be there. Reading about it later might be remotely amusing for one or two such anecdotes, and then it gets to be like looking at a strangers' vacation pictures.

Larry Latham

Yes, you'd have to be there...we're only talking about one person's experiences and perceptions, aren't we, and it would take a lot of effort and talent to fashion such thin material into anything of any ultimate worth or interest...and then, it would still just be an exercise in style over substance.