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Writing Tips

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 8:56 am
by jotham
Tips to improve your writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:04 am
by Anuradha Chepur
Nice tips.
I presume 'tips' and 'prescriptivism' are distinct.
#6, 7, 17, 22 sound prescriptive.

Re: Writing Tips

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:14 am
by metal56
jotham wrote:Tips to improve your writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
What's the source for that text, Joth?

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:14 pm
by lolwhites
Re tip no. 9:

All generalizations are false (Mark Twin).

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:25 pm
by jotham
What's the source for that text, Joth?
I can't remember. I sent it in an email to coworkers two years ago, but didn't have the source. I hope I'm not breaking some copyright laws posting them here. I didn't write them.

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 2:02 pm
by metal56
lolwhites wrote:Re tip no. 9:

All generalizations are false (Mark Twin).
What was the other "Twin" called?

:wink:

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 2:04 pm
by metal56
jotham wrote:
What's the source for that text, Joth?
I can't remember. I sent it in an email to coworkers two years ago, but didn't have the source. I hope I'm not breaking some copyright laws posting them here. I didn't write them.
Found "it":

http://www.peter-ringeisen.de/downloads/40-tips.pdf
http://www.downthetubes.net/writing_com ... itegd.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Leaders100

and so on.

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:14 am
by jotham
Most of these rules are superstitions, or half-truths. When I sent out the email, I soon realized many didn't even realize it was a joke. I was laughing myself silly when my functionalist colleague and friend dutifully informed me and solemnly argued that these rules apply or don't apply depending on social purpose, genre, register, context, etc. I'm like, can't you see the irony, silly wabbit? — every "rule" is violated by the same rule...for humor. It's not meant to be taken seriously; it's more likely mocking "rules."

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:42 am
by metal56
jotham wrote:Most of these rules are superstitions, or half-truths. When I sent out the email, I soon realized many didn't even realize it was a joke.

Some folks just can't see the wood for the trees.