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Sex: before of after?
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Tone



Joined: 03 Sep 2006
Posts: 175

PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 12:42 am    Post subject: Sex: before of after? Reply with quote

I know that it's very common for a couple nowaday to have sex before getting marry but in many countries, especially eastern countries. We still believe that it is not good to do that.

Personally, I agree that it's not good because we might have many problems afterward such as pregnancy or some venereal diseases. Understand that the world is chaning rapidly and sooner or later we will not care about this kind of culture anymore. Many people do not even believe in marriage anymore.....

Want to hear some good opinions about it.
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1488

PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think everybody has to decide by his own.
The arguments which speak for sex before marriage is of course experience, fun, and you will be seen as desirable/hot because you already had girlfriend/ experience when you were 15.
The negative point is that people will think you are second-hand. Laughing They will think: If you already left one, you will also leave the second, the third. And people who look for a steady relationship won't be looking for you primary.
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RedRose



Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 2735
Location: GuangZhou, China

PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tone, what era are you living in right now? if a couple love each other, and they sleep together spontaneously, what's wrong with that??

Your words sound like my grandmother talking.
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Lorikeet



Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 1579
Location: San Francisco

PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ad-miral wrote:
I think everybody has to decide by his own.
The arguments which speak for sex before marriage is of course experience, fun, and you will be seen as desirable/hot because you already had girlfriend/ experience when you were 15.


I think there is a big difference between jumping into bed with anyone who comes along because you think it's fun, and trying out sex before you agree to marriage, which is supposed to last for ever. I think living together before you get married makes sense. It is easier to separate if things don't work out, and it is easy to get married if things do. Living together is probably more important than just the sex part anyway, because if you marry someone you are making a commitment to stay together. I'd rather have people live together before they get married, and then stay married, than get divorced four times.
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hoshi



Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 564
Location: At the best place of your dreams :D Loveland

PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey I agree with RR. By the way if you do it in a responsable way there is no problem. Right?
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lorikeet wrote:
I think living together before you get married makes sense. It is easier to separate if things don't work out, and it is easy to get married if things do. Living together is probably more important than just the sex part anyway, because if you marry someone you are making a commitment to stay together.


Yay, living together before the sex part, it's a very important thing. I also agree to you that we have to think about the possibility of marriage, if we are together with someone, and not just fun and over.

Because, for "fun and over", I think it's better to go to a brothel. I can't flirt anyway and giving my precious effort out, just for fun, is too labouring for me.

RedRose wrote:
Tone, what era are you living in right now? if a couple love each other, and they sleep together spontaneously, what's wrong with that??

Your words sound like my grandmother talking.
I think many people have reasons not to sleep spontaneously, some because they think they can get better ones, some because they don't feel they are old enough yet, and some because they think they can't trust their partner completely yet.
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garfield_jesse



Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 271

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 5:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some my friends daren't have sex before married because they think unlucky, if they break up in the future, it is so difficult for them to find another one because they are not virgin ( Almost men in my country want his wife still virgin while they can sleep with a lot of women...so selffish )

Quote:
If a couple love each other, and they sleep together spontaneously, what's wrong with that??


I do agree. I'm mature, i know what i should do. But you should have knowledge about sex before do it, some methods to prevent pregnancy and avoiding venereal deseases.
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RedRose



Joined: 21 May 2004
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

garfield_jesse wrote:
Almost men in my country want his wife still virgin while they can sleep with a lot of women...so selffish


that's not only selfish, it's also stupid sexism
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Bob S.



Joined: 29 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Location: So. Cal

PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lorikeet wrote:
I think living together before you get married makes sense. It is easier to separate if things don't work out, and it is easy to get married if things do. ...I'd rather have people live together before they get married, and then stay married, than get divorced four times.
You know, that might seem like common sense, but statistics show it actually isn't. Studies in Canada and the U.K. show that cohabitation before marriage has more problems than not living together.
Firstly, there is the question of fidelity. Women who just shack up are 3 times as likely to cheat on their man as a married woman, and cohabitating men are more than 5 times as likely to cheat on their partner as a married man. And secondly, couples who cohabitate before marriage are 50% to 80% more likely to divorce as the general population.
Of course there are questions regarding cause and effect of that higher divorce rate. For example, younger people tend to cohabitate more, and the younger you are when you marry, the higher your divorce rate; and if you do not generally esteme marriage for whatever personal reasons, you are more likely to avoid marriage whether you chose to shack up or seek an escape from marriage if you do get married.

Basically, if you value marriage, avoid living together before marriage. If marriage is not important to you, chose to shack up if you wish, but don't make any kids. Odds are, your live-in honey will cheat on you and dump you eventually (statistically speaking, the average shack-up relationship lasts about 2.5 years).
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ad-miral



Joined: 01 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Firstly, there is the question of fidelity. Women who just shack up are 3 times as likely to cheat on their man as a married woman, and cohabitating men are more than 5 times as likely to cheat on their partner as a married man. And secondly, couples who cohabitate before marriage are 50% to 80% more likely to divorce as the general population.

Quote:
Basically, if you value marriage, avoid living together before marriage.


Crying or Very sad Really? So if we value marriage, we should just marry as soon as possible? That's very bad...
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hoshi



Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 564
Location: At the best place of your dreams :D Loveland

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 8:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

RedRose wrote:
garfield_jesse wrote:
Almost men in my country want his wife still virgin while they can sleep with a lot of women...so selffish


that's not only selfish, it's also stupid sexism

Agree!!!
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Tone



Joined: 03 Sep 2006
Posts: 175

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 7:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Redrose.. it's not like I totoally disagree. If they are in love with each other and they are mature enough... they can have sex before marry.
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beancurdturtle



Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 1041
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 12:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lorikeet wrote:

I think there is a big difference between jumping into bed with anyone who comes along because you think it's fun, and trying out sex before you agree to marriage, which is supposed to last for ever. I think living together before you get married makes sense. It is easier to separate if things don't work out, and it is easy to get married if things do. Living together is probably more important than just the sex part anyway, because if you marry someone you are making a commitment to stay together. I'd rather have people live together before they get married, and then stay married, than get divorced four times.

Amen to that sister!

I've been married and divorced twice - and I wasn't divorced because the sex was bad.

You don't know what it's like to be a parent until you are one, and you never really get to know what it's like to live with someone until you live with them.

By the way Tone. There are ways to almost completely reduce the risk of both venereal disease and pregnancy. Anyone who doesn't know (and practice) this, isn't responsible enough to be having sex anyway.
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beancurdturtle



Joined: 23 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RedRose wrote:
that's not only selfish, it's also stupid sexism

Is there any other kind of sexism? I don't think so.
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hoshi



Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 564
Location: At the best place of your dreams :D Loveland

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

before, during and after
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