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[cafebleu]

Shcmooj - to tackle your drumrolling revelation that Japan isn`t a nation of stereotypes - I agree.

As somebody who was born and lived in a very multi-cultural part of London, I was used to communicating with and befriending people from a variety of countries and backgrounds. I may not have anything in common as far as my personal opinion goes with relatively strict Muslim women, for example, but that never stopped me enjoying good relations with those kinds of Muslim people around my home area.

Yet Japan has been a completely different kettle of fish for me. I believe where you live to begin with is crucial - something I came to Japan not realising at all. I was stuck in inaka and did I know it! I met my partner when I escaped to the city for recreational purposes. I believe you said on a previous post some time ago that you lived in Nagoya - and if you didn`t live in the countryside then I can tell you it can be a very difficult experience for a woman living by herself.

I seem to have had the opposite experience of your wife and Denise - it wasn`t that I couldn`t really establish some kind of real friendship with the Jp women around my area. It was that they would make themselves overly familiar without any kind of social impulse to back it up.

For example, asking prying questions of me when they hardly knew me, and telling me what to do with my house, for example, when I kept the garden well tended to and the trees well cut. These snoopy conversations and business minding conversations were different from those the Jp can use to establish contact with you.

I am not a fool - I know when somebody is being impertinent and gossipy and these women certainly were. My Jp listening was fine at that time even though my spoken Jp left a lot to be desired, and I became fed up with hearing the local women call me gaijin even when they knew my name. They could have referred to me by my family name.

I experienced a peculiar, impertinent over familiarity. I also have no problem saying I do not like women standing on the corner outside my house gossiping about me with no shame - that happened there, too. As I said in a thread maybe last year, I think I annoyed them because I gave them no dirt to dish on me so they gossiped about me.

As for 30 somethings living at home - while I understand that it is perfectly acceptable in some cultures not to be independent of your parents, even if you are in your 40s as well, I don`t think it makes for a person who is good at thinking for themselves and it seems to encourage the idea that money does not matter in some people.

The live at home 30 somethings tended to assume that I would be off seeing Japan every weekend but I had to explain that I had rent to pay, etc, and travelling by train or plane is expensive. It simply did not register with them as they were used to being catered for by their parents and paying no money at home.

As for the schoolgirls - I rest my case. Always inviting themselves over but never asking if I would like to go to a local attraction on the weekend. Sure, they didn`t have cars but I would have gone by walking or bus or bicycle. Just another case of the foreigner as entertainer who is meant to be the host and is not treated like the guest. I was always providing - my house, my time, my English assistance in my own free time. Never receiving.

I think my post is reasonable.

[shmooj]

[omarr380]

I will clarify some points if anyone is still paying attention. I have been in Japan for two months now. When I say "ALT" that is assistant language teacher. I am not with the JET program. I am with a private ALT company. The students' ages range from 7 - 14. My work hours are from 8:00am to 4:15pm.

At the main school I work at there are two Japanese english teachers, both as new to the school as I am. An older man who has taught for close to 20 years and a woman who is younger than me, 24, and has taught two years prior. The older man I have good conversations with. The other day we talked for close to half an hour on the meaning of a Japanese kanji character. The younger woman does not ever seem to want to talk and does everything possible to get me to stop talking to her. Those two represent the extremes of how conversations go with other teachers and staff but all seem willing to talk when they appear to have time. Outside of the older english teacher, the 30-something male science teacher(some english), the 30-something female music teacher(little english) and the elderly secretary(no english) are the most ready to talk.

Any more suggestions or comments?