Job Discussion Forums

wonderingjoesmith · Joined: 19 Aug 2012 Posts: 910 Location: Guangzhou

I have had a few parents� meetings in my almost two semesters and I have come to realize that there is little use of such formal gatherings in school. Having looked at the school-parents and parents-children relationships, I have become aware of a phenomenon that the old China hand may be well acquainted with and willing to shed more lights on.

It appears parents mostly aren�t involved in their kids� development and they surprisingly know little about them. To spend a lot of money on a loved one without knowing his/her actual skills or talent takes plenty of braveness; to give all the trust in someone else takes even more courage. Are the locals such gamblers or just plain clueless?

There are a lot of people around that work long hours and more than 5 days weekly. Without the time for their kids, it seems that a great number of parents pass on their responsibilities to their parents, the grandparents, and the schools. Out of the loop, as it seems they are.

I am wondering about whether I have overstated my assessment, whether the abnormality is as widespread and whether it has been around for a long time. Wouldn�t such practices affect new generations� habits, knowledge, skills, perception of the world etc?

Non Sequitur · Joined: 23 May 2010 Posts: 4724 Location: China

I don't have much experience of teacher parent interviews but what I've had were productive or at least reassuring.
The drawback is of course having a conversation via a school administrator in my case.
One I recall was with a the mother of the youngest student (by a margin) in a 7-student Saturday class.
I had to devise an activity that would allow the 7 to work on the same problem but at their own pace.
When I explained what we were doing the mother said 'she loves that work and that's the way she plays at home'.
A bit sad in that I was reminded that this kid not only had no siblings but no cousins either. She had learned to play alone.

xiguagua · Joined: 09 Oct 2011 Posts: 768

Unfortunately there's a lot of kids here that are essentially raised by grandparents and teachers. There's a lot of parents that don't contribute anything to the development of their kid, instead the parent choose what the kid should focus on or study (based on the parents very limited knowledge of everything) and that's what the kid MUST do.

Sorry Johnny, you wanna study Chemistry? You love Chemistry? Well, it's hard to get a job in that, so you're going to study Hotel Management because I saw a nice hotel when I visited BFE Nowhere last year and I think you can make a lot of money in that.

It's kinda a sad life for kids here. I tried to have a discussion about hobbies in one of my classes and it was the most depressing class I've ever had. I had to explain to them that shopping, watching tv, sleeping and eating are not real hobbies and after that.........they had nothing.

rogerwilco · Joined: 10 Jun 2010 Posts: 1549

Today is a national holiday, but a large number of my college students are still on campus. Many of them see their parents only 1 or 2 times a year.

Even when I was teaching high school and middle school , many of my students would see their parents only once every month or two.

.

DirtGuy · Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 529

WOW!

This is one of the saddest threads I have ever read. I guess it is just the way things are over here.

DirtGuy

Javelin of Radiance · Joined: 01 Jul 2009 Posts: 1187 Location: The West

Some foreigners might see it as sad but it's not. Many of my students were raised by their grandparents or aunts and uncles because the parents had to move elsewhere for work, and taking their kids isn't an option. Guess what? They all turned out fine meaning they're getting an education and none of them are involved in illegal drugs, or got knocked up as teenagers or have been in trouble with the law. I admire the fact that the extended families here are willing to pick up the slack and don't mind raising their grandkids or nieces and nephews. Few people back home would ever accept that kind of responsibility. And anyone suggesting that the parents are "gamblers" or "clueless" because they spend money on their kids education and may not know their talents, is themselves clueless. The parents spend money, sometimes a lot of it, on their kids education because they know its one of the few ways for them to have a better future. In that way they're no different from parents in any other country.

Ariadne · Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 960

It's not sad to you Javelin, but it is to me. The kids don't seem to mess up in the same ways that Western kids do but dang, they seem so lonely! I've had so many of them... university students... ask for a hug. They seem starved for positive adult attention. I think it's one of the reasons that they have such strong feelings towards some of their teachers, both Chinese and foreign. They don't seem to really know how to have fun either, or they are just reluctant to admit it... "How was your weekend?" "Oh, it was so boring."
University students should know how to have a good time!

.

xiguagua · Joined: 09 Oct 2011 Posts: 768

I guess i'm clueless because I think it's bad that parents know nothing about their children. I don't think it's bad for parents to spend money on education, but when all that education causes the child is have no life whatsoever, it's a problem.

I know American schools have their share of problems too, but I would never even CONSIDER trading my American high school experience for a Chinese high school experience when that whole process doesn't mean jack for Chinese today. Most college grads have crap jobs when they graduate everywhere.......so if that's the case, i'd rather have some fun with my schooling instead of having poor eyesight because my nose has been jammed in a book for 18 years.

wonderingjoesmith · Joined: 19 Aug 2012 Posts: 910 Location: Guangzhou

I acknowledge grandparents, who raise kids, are to be respected; however, not seeing that there are some serious issues when the young generation is out of touch with their parents, and when their talent and skills are taken care of by people who lack knowledge or interest in, is ignorant. Take the gap between grandparents and grandchildren for example; it�s about education or development that have changed, and in the case of China, changed greatly. Have a look at local schools that mostly pay attention to what is beneficial to them rather than to the children; doesn�t the higher education in China choose its skilled and talented individuals on its own?

I can�t argue that this isn�t my country but I surely have to be allowed to point out to locals they are gambling with a lot of money and their loved ones live. Furthermore, it should be concerning that some parts of the world are being built on untalented who may do what they do only for the money and that their products are being shipped all over Earth.

kev7161 · Joined: 06 Feb 2004 Posts: 5880 Location: Suzhou, China

Some children love school mainly for the fact that all of their "brothers and sisters" (classmates) are there. When they go home, what do they do (besides study)? They spend their time on QQ or on their mobile phone chatting and texting with their classmates.

It's no secret that many students spend most of their school years (sometimes all the way up to high school graduation) with the same classmates. Sure, some come and go as the years go by, but there is a core group that stay together through the years. They are probably closer and more willing to help each other than your average sibling dynamic in the states and elsewhere.

kungfuman · Posted: Thu May 02, 2013 12:59 pm Post subject:

I was asked to attend a parent - teacher meeting recently. I sat there for one hour while the boss spoke in Chinese to the parents. Then they left.

It was a total waste of my time and accomplished nothing.

Non Sequitur · Joined: 23 May 2010 Posts: 4724 Location: China

kungfuman · Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 5:16 am Post subject:

DirtGuy · Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 529

I have noticed how students form really strong bonds with their dorm mates. It seems they are together all the time and I imagine these bonds will continue for the rest of their lives. This really surprises me but maybe I shouldn't be. I've also been told how kids form similarly strong bonds with their grandparents since they have much more contact with them than they do with their mom and dad in many families. I guess if everyone is OK with the situation who are we to say it is bad?

I taught brats for awhile at a language school and there were a couple of parents who expected the school to do their work of raising the little darlings. Sounds like the US. This is clearly bad but maybe it is something that is everywhere nowadays.

DG

Lancy Bloom · Joined: 23 Nov 2012 Posts: 126 Location: Hong Kong

Most students don't go home on holidays because it is too big of a hazzle. The long ride home and back. Also many have made girl and boy friends so it gives them more time together.
The concept of making children be something throws me for a loop. Good parents spend time with their kids to cultivate what they are good at and what they like.
Is there a translation of Catcher in the Rye that we can give to the Chinese parents?