Job Discussion Forums

[biffinbridge]

One of the silly things about working for big firms in the Middle East and other countries of the same ilk is that you have to work 'office hours'.This invariably means that you spend upto 6 hours a day 'at work' busy doing precisely nothingjust watching paint dry.At the moment being a sort of proactive guy,(no hash here either), I'm burying myself in the ancient ,eastern martial art of 'fly swatting'.Conventional wisdom has it that you try and bash a fly with a rolled up newspaper.This is wrong and often ends in complete 'mission failure.'In the absence of toxins the flies haven't become immune to, any black belt in this mysterious art will suggest you do the following: take a magazine and form a shadow over the fly by holding the mag up between a light source and the surface on which the fly is sitting.Then approach slowly,using the shadow/magazine as a shield to within striking distance.The final phase and this is cucial,is to hold the mag above the fly and then punch it with your free hand.Once again,the shielding effect of the magazine ensures that the fly detects no movement and therefore can't use its magical reflexes to evade the 'shock and awe effect' of this enigmatic, ancient art.As you can see,I've exhausted my study of the subject and hence require new ideas to kill time.Any suggestions would be welcome but please remember that I'm in the 'Sahara' and some things are hard to find.And please, no suggestions concerning sports in general as I've already made a 'multi-gym' out of rusty scrap iron bars and old plastic water cans such are the resources at hand.

[grahamb]

Chess!

[Will.]

Ah! the Friday morning hangovers of youth...summer, awaiting the delivery of the government's green piece of paper, the Giro, and swatting the fly. note THE fly we only had ONE and we had to make it last. We did not kill it but took turns at swatting it unconscious and awaiting movement to indicate success.
The rules, allow fly to walk crawl or roll anywhere but once off the surface allow three seconds for stabilisation and then it is fair game. One stocky little feller lasted seventeen rounds.
The most popular variation was to use a paper cup as a goal to pot it into.

[lozwich]

What is it with boys and cruelty to flies???

When I was in high school, this charming colleague of mine used to keep a fly in a matchbox that had a bit of sewing thread tied around one of its legs (don't ask me how he tied it there, I have no idea). During boring afternoon maths classes this lovely chap used to let his fly out for a fly.

Suppose you could try that. When you get bored you can take up being mean to butterflies and grasshoppers I suppose...

[biffinbridge]

Thanks for the advice but I'm sorry to say we don't have butterflies and grasshoppers in the Sahara.We don't even have sandhoppers.We have snakes and scorpions.You can't pull legs off snakes and scorpions it's an extreme sport and I'm not an andrenalin junky,..........enjoy a good smoke though.

[grahamb]

Many years ago, a pal of mine used an air pistol, with small pieces of toilet roll dampened and rolled into pellets. His front window was rather messy.
Lozwich, men give up killing flies when they discover women! Well, I did.
Re spiders, I've heard tales of sadists pitting them against scorpions in gladitorial combat.
How about setting up a lesson-planning service for all those teachers who are too busy (or idle) to do it themselves? You could make a fortune!

[johnslat]

Dear biffinbridge,
Are you, perhaps, the Lord of the Flies?

"As flies to wanton boys are we to th' gods;
They kill us for their sport."
William Shakespeare, King Lear

Regards,
John

[lozwich]

[Lanza-Armonia]

Ah, the ancheint art of killing pesky critters is not just an art, but a science, however, what is one's definition of a pesky critter?

Flies,
Spiders,
Hyporactive, sugar crazed eight year old Chinese boys...

Yes, killing pesky critters is a mightly fun sport to take up but one of time to master.

As Confusicuos himself self, 'Stupid man give wife piano, Wise man give wife upright organ.....'.

Tear comes of age...

LA

[nolefan]

buy a guitar or learn programming

[phillipmccavety]

[lozwich]

Ah, now we all know what you do in your spare time Mr McCavety.

[biffinbridge]

Thanks for the advice 'ya'll' as they say over the water.I would however, like to point oot,(as they say in Scotland), that it's an 8km hike to get cigarettes or use a computer so 'buying' a guitar or 'learning' programming are options filled with difficulty.'Extreme Armchair Free Diving' is my latest hobby.All you do is put your goggles on,sit down and hold your breath for as long as possible.When you can't hold on anymore,you leap up out of the chair as if your breaking the surface of the water just like 'Jacques Mayoll' in the film 'The Big Blue',('Le Grand Bleu' for those of you in Quebec).So far I've managed 2.5 minutes.Soon I'm going to start training whilst drinking home made beer in an attempt to simulate armchair free diving at extreme depths.
'First rule of the desert;never leave your vehicle'...unless your an efl teacher and you don't have one.

[zaneth]

Do-it-yourself tatooing?

[grahamb]

I recently heard a story about a guy who tried to circumcise himself. Not for the faint-hearted!