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nolefan
Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 1458
Location: on the run
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 Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2004 6:15 pm Post subject: think you've had a bad day at work? |
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Hey guys, I am not one to post jokes usually but this one is worth it....
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This is even funnier when you realize it's true! Next time you have a
bad day at work, think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who
was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she
won.
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Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week, I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
So I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm
is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a pretty good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start
working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This
floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out
from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had
happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as
fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive
supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all
laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I
couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself,
"I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." |
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denise
Joined: 23 Apr 2003
Posts: 3419
Location: finally home-ish
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| Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2004 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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Yikes!!
I almost feel guilty for laughing at that poor man!!! But still,
d |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 5309
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2004 12:07 am Post subject: |
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| Ugh! That's funny. |
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frijolita
Joined: 06 May 2004
Posts: 35
Location: Madrid
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| Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2004 12:56 am Post subject: |
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| Oh my! Yeah he had a bad day! But man I can't help but laugh |
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latefordinner
Joined: 19 Aug 2003
Posts: 973
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| Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2004 5:54 am Post subject: |
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The second prize winner (edited for attitude):
I was just swimming along, minding my own business, when it happened. OK, so I was eating a sardine, but that's my own business, right? Anyway, here I was swimming along minding my own business when this big honking machine just sucks me up like plankton. Phhhhtt, just like that. It pulls me up this long narrow tube and through this screen and puts me into a heater. No that's not a suntan, sunshine; its a scald. Get any closer and I'll give your nose one to match it. Anyway, this big ugly machine sucks me up and scalds me then it squishes me down this narrow tube. I don't mean slightly confining, I mean narrow as in stuff a whale down your throat narrow. You have any idea how much pressure can build up behind you in something like that? Let's just say that it's a lot. A lot of hot water just pushing me along to wherever this !@#$ing hose goes. At least the pressure was behind me, right? Yeah, right. A motherload of presure from some very HOT water was right behind me, pushing up my you-know-what. But hey, at least I was going someplace, right? Wherever I was going had to be better than this, right? Maybe not. Turns out, this hose led into the wet-suit of a freakin' diver. So even when I get out of the hose, I couldn't get away from him because of the suit. But hey, you think he'd just sort of lift the tail of his suit and let me out, wouldn't you. No, he had to grab me and stuff me up his back-side. Yup, he gets his jollies by pushing a poor jellyfish up his backside. Then he took this long trip to the surface (Did he ask me if I wanted to come? I think not!) peeled me out (take it easy with the fingernails, please!) and rubed smelly ointment all over what's left of me. Man, the low-life I gotta put up with around here...
Actually, I'm reminded of one of my classes this morning, where what I might think of as a bad day could be a student's bad day as well. Anyone want to take on a he said... he said thread? |
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zaneth
Joined: 31 Mar 2004
Posts: 545
Location: Between Russia and Germany
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2004 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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urban myth alert. but a funny one. Who wrote the 2nd runner up? Cut and paste or original?
Commercial divers wear drysuits, not wetsuits. Intake hoses have filters, and the pump itself would grind up the jelly fish. I remember reading about the hot water thing in a Cousteau book (or was it a film?). A guy who was diving with them said it was like diving in the same suit with a beautiful woman. |
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TEAM_PAPUA
Joined: 24 May 2004
Posts: 1679
Location: HOLE
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2004 11:00 pm Post subject: * |
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Yep, you wouldn't be able to pump water into a wet suit. Commercial divers use 'Dry bags' & as stated above there will be several filters in place to avoid such a thing happening.
I have a very funny diving experience, but I don't feel it's appropriate for this forum  |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 5309
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2004 11:53 pm Post subject: Re: * |
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| TEAM_PAPUA wrote: |
I have a very funny diving experience, but I don't feel it's appropriate for this forum |
Since when has that ever stopped anyone else. |
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Will.
Joined: 02 May 2003
Posts: 783
Location: London Uk
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:02 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah, go ahead, you are a good storyteller you certainly won't muff it up. Tell it here, the word will spread and your reputation will nosedive. |
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TEAM_PAPUA
Joined: 24 May 2004
Posts: 1679
Location: HOLE
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:23 am Post subject: ? |
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| Let's say that it involves an ejaculating sea cucumber |
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Gordon
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 5309
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:35 am Post subject: |
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| How did you get it to do that? |
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biffinbridge
Joined: 05 May 2003
Posts: 701
Location: Frank's Wild Years
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 11:28 am Post subject: oh god |
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| Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.I'm already in the middle of nowhere and am being posted to somewhere even more remote in the next couple of days.I will sleep in a portacabin or converted shipping container,next to a landrig (oil platform),with no safety training yet.Everybody gasps when I tell them where I'm going.30 days in a row with nothing,exactly nothing, to do.No beer,no women,no Libyan dancing powder,no expats,no day off,no medical facilities,nothing.At the moment people keep telling me 'I'm lucky' as I have a house,(albeit with no water I wash in the garden using a hose ,which strangely enough does work)..oh boy.To any new teachers reading this...GET OUT NOW.As soon as you have kids,half the places in the world become unaffordable to live in and you'll end up somewhere like this paying bills elsewhere aged 34.God...If I hadn't done my CELTA, I wouldn't have come here.(Now there's an idea for a lesson).So farewell folks,I'm off for 30 days...(no e-mail either.)By the way,some 'mericans were here the other day looking at the oil company...that was quick...relations have only just re-opened.In defense of Americans indeed?That thread should read 'IN DEFENSE OF U.S. OIL INTERESTS'.....God save the queen,play up Pompey and all that,ta raaaa. |
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Will.
Joined: 02 May 2003
Posts: 783
Location: London Uk
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah I've seen the sea cucumber trick too. It is hard to laugh at 20 metres isn't it. |
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Will.
Joined: 02 May 2003
Posts: 783
Location: London Uk
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| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Biff, are you sure you haven't been conned into a one month detox? |
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