Job Discussion Forums

[scot47]

I am petitioning the Grammar and Lexis Sub-committee of the Supreme Galactic Council to review the Penal Code on Gross Linguistic Malpractice.

I have included in my submission the request that Apostrophe Abuse should be punished with the maximum penalty enforceable by law.

The Grocer's Apostrophe should lead to the Hangman's Noose !

[water rat]

So you put it in their suggestion's box, did you?

[Hod]

Its not hard to use apostrophe's correctly.

[johnslat]

"WHY KILL THE APOSTROPHE?

First, apostrophes are redundant. The number of cases where they make a semantic difference is absolutely minuscule (see below).

Second, they are wasteful. Tremendous amounts of money are spent every year by businesses on proof readers, part of whose job is to put apostrophes in the 'correct' place - to no semantic effect whatsoever. And the rest of us sit there clicking thru with Microsofts grammar checker, trying to work out if its telling us the truth or not about whether we really need an apostrophe there.

Third, they are just one more tool of snobbery. People who imagine that nonstandard apostrophe usage represents a 'falling of standards' tend also to assume that means they can look down on 'illiterate' people who dont follow the rules. You know, illiterate people like Shakespeares editors.

Fourth, current technology (text messaging in particular) makes it timeconsuming to use them. Why give ourselves this stress when itll make no difference anyway?

Fifth, they actually impede communication and understanding. Since so many people these days arent certain about how apostrophes work semantically its hardly going to help even if a proof-reader puts them all in the 'correct' places in some text.

Sixth, they are a distraction for otherwise reasonable and intelligent people. If youre the kind of person who does know and care about the 'correct' usage of apostrophes, think how much time you waste fretting over examples of 'misuse' when the very fact that you spotted the error means that you knew what they were trying to say in the first place. Are you a teacher who has marked a student down for apostrophe misuse? Shame on you, if so, for prioritising form over content.

WHAT ABOUT HE'LL AND HELL AND WE'RE AND WERE, SMARTASS?

OK, lets make an effort here and try to think of examples of sentences where apostrophe usage might be said to make a functional difference.

Wait a second, Im still thinking.

Um...

OK, look, Im out of time right now. If you know a sure fire example of a sentence where (for instance) we'll and well or we're and were can be mixed up in a way that actually has an impact in the real world, please email [email protected]. If it took you more than an hour to think of, it doesnt count. The fact that most people are unable to think of a single real-world example which left them genuinely confused about a meaning, or where they couldnt seek clarification from the context is the reason I think this objection is irrelevant.

(Most recent example sent to me: The military claims were wrong, which if its meaning were not apparent from the context of course could easily be reworded we are to clarify.)

NOT SO FAST! HOW ABOUT PLURAL POSSESSIVES?

OK, like the difference between my mother's mothers and my mothers' mothers? (This is not a silly example now we have gay adoption in so many places). Well, there is a subtlety there, I admit. However, we should consider an alternative to the apostrophe for plural possessives. Apostrophe advocates like to point out that the apostrophe stands in for missing letters, which makes it easy to know when to use it. The plural possessive is an instance where the apostrophe doesnt work as advertised and therefore should be replaced by something more consistent. My personal preference is to use the letter z for plurals, so that we could talk about, for instance, seeking the ministerz approval or seeking the ministers approval depending which we meant.

Or maybe it doesnt need to be replaced at all. Its worth adding that we manage to communicate plural possessives in spoken language just fine without apostrophes.

Singular possessives, by the way, grew out of the genitive inflection -s (or -es). I dont know how or why apostrophes got involved there, but they didnt add any meaning when they did.

UM, BUT WAIT. YOU CANT LEGISLATE THE LANGUAGE ANYWAY, SO HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO 'ABOLISH' THE APOSTROPHE?

OK, this is true. Im not asking for anyone to pass a law or a decree to abolish the apostrophe. However, I am suggesting that those who find it an irksome distraction start effecting some change down on the ground. Language evolves by the actions of individual users. So all you have to do to push the cause of killing the apostrophe is simply to start omitting it in your writing, or at least to refrain from criticising other people if they do so. You could even go so far as to do a quick find and replace in your own website, to remove all those little ' things.

If you are a dyed-in-the-wool apostrophe freak, I guess theres no harm in you guys setting up your own fandom websites for this weird little linguistic appendix. Just dont force it down our throats, OK? You may think of yourself as a defender of language or whatever, but ask yourself exactly what you are defending in the case of the apostrophe. What general or useful principle is violated by its omission or 'misuse'?


http://www.killtheapostrophe.com/

Regard's
John

[water rat]

Johnz post was fascinating.Was it not?

[Hod]

[Sashadroogie]

It's really a simple question. Who are you? Do you belong to the section of English-speaking society that is educated enough to use apostrophes correctly, or are you a total ignoramus who doesn't?

No need to kill the apostrophe. Let's just kill the ignorance.

[Sashadroogie]

I fully support Scot47's initiative. Abusers should be shipped to the Arctic Circle, if nothing else. We have become too soft on the illiterate. Why should we bend to their demands when we are in the right, and they are just too thick to learn how to punctuate better than a six-year-old?

Off to the camps for re-education. Not one step back!!!

[Mushkilla]

[esl_prof]

[johnslat]

I hope you all realize I was playing "Devil's Advocate." Actually, I'm an apostrophe-lover.

'lover

Regards,
John

[esl_prof]

[AGoodStory]

I'm quite an ardent fan of the apostrophe myself. Nevertheless, I'm sadly convinced that it will no longer be in use by mid-century, perhaps sooner. Or only among an erudite few who will be considered archaic, academic poseurs by the texting, twittering masses.



..

[scot47]

But is it time for the armed struggle ?

[Sashadroogie]

It is always a good time, Scot. Shipments of arms can be delivered to your oppressed homeland by the Party. Only just don't get hanged for an apostrophe, much less a Casement comma!