Job Discussion Forums

[Hector_Lector]

Sunday is the perfect day for unsophisticated humour, beer and loads of cigarettes.

Speaking of unsophisticated humour, here is a joke.


Q - Do you smoke after sex?

A - I don�t know - I�ve never looked.

[dyak]

Cheers!

Here is another one:

Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a hoover (vacuum cleaner)?

A: The location of the dirtbag.

[Hector_Lector]

Scottish man, out walking with his son, asks -

�Are you wearing your new shoes?�

Son answers -

�Yes, father, I am.�

Father replies -

�Then take bigger steps!!!!!�

[anthyp]

dmb is a good fellow; one never needs to excuse one's taste in (admittedly tasteless) humor!

Here is my classic contribution to the thread:

A man decides to join an innovative weight - loss program that works in three steps. So he signs up for step one, and the next day, a woman comes to the front door, naked, with a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can *beep* me."

So this goes on for about a week and he loses quite a bit of weight, what with all the chasing and the fucking. The man decides to sign up for the next level of the course. And the next week, another women comes to the front door, naked, with a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can *beep* me."

She runs a little bit faster. And with all the extra chasing and fucking, the guy loses a little bit more weight. So he decides to sign up for the next level of the course.

The next day a man comes to the front door, naked, with a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can *beep* you."

[The G-stringed Avenger]

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and use a lubricant.

[Spinoza]

[Sadken]

From themanwhofellasleep.com:

How can you tell when an Essex girl wants sex?

She displays signs of arousal, such as enlargement of the clitoris and swelling of the labia.

Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?

Yes, he was killed and buried there. It was gang-related.

Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house."

The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit."

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A manx cat.


Policeman: Knock, knock.

Woman: Who's there?

Policeman: The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

[gtidey]

omg some of those are fing good.

sadken with the naked eye avatar has a very naked eye sense of humour! (at least i think it was called naked eye)

heres the only ones i can remember:

whats blue and f.ucks old ladies?

me in my lucky blue waistcoat.


what do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back?

a stick.


i have some jokes which are so bad taste dave would boot me without a doubt so ill save them.

heres another:

two goldfish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says "how do you suppose we drive this thing?"

did you know that 1 in 5 people on the planet are chinese? that means it could either be my brother karl, my sister alice, my dad john, my mum jane or my cousin xing-nah. i think it's karl.

for the love of god keep this thread going!

[gtidey]

i feel compelled to share this one with you:

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you theowner?"

she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands."No" he replies, "I''m just the manager."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him."

She asks, running her hands up beyond his ears andinto his hair.

"I''m afraid I can''t," breathes the manager clearly aroused," he''s in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."

She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

how many people went "aargghhuggh" at the end of that?

[Sadken]

What's the difference between a rottwieler and a poodle?

There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.


Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite?

Dog-owner: No.

Man: Can I pet him?

Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes him skin weep if touched.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.


A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.



Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.

Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.

[matttheboy]

A bit old but still one of my favourites...some rubbish warm up first though...

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
-Doug

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
-Cliff

What do you call a man with a blackbird on his head?
..............

[matttheboy]

..............Hugh Grant

[Dr.J]

I wonder how many cultures get "English jokes"?

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Anything you bloody want - it's not going to come to you.

[cujobytes]

A bird *beep* on my car windscreen last night.
I'm not taking her out again.

A salesman called on a frail, bent, toothless old woman. She invited him in and he sat on the sofa while she went to make a cup of tea. She was gone a long while and as he waited he helped himself to the bowl of peanuts on the table. The old woman returned with the tea and noticed he'd been eating the peanuts. "Do you like them Dear?" she asked. "yes, very nice" he said.
"well help yourself dear, I can only suck the chocolate of them these days"

[vre]

my contribution

A Southerner is having his breakfast of coffee, grits, biscuits and jam, when a Northerner, chewing obnoxiously on bubble gum, sits down next to him.

The Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Northerner: "When you Southern people eat bread, do you eat the whole slice?"

Southerner: "Yep.

"Northerner: (After blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. Up north, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, then transform them into biscuits and send them to the South."

The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The Southerner listens in silence.

The Northerner persists: "Do you eat jam with biscuits?"

Southerner: "Yep."

Northerner: (Cracking and smacking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) "We don't. Up north, after we eat fruit for breakfast, we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and then send it down South."

Then the Southerner asks, "Y'all have sex up North?

"Northerner: "Why, of course, we do." And he pops another big bubble.

Southerner: "And what do y'all do with the condoms once ya use'em?

Northerner: "We throw them away, of course."

Southerner: "We don't. Down South, we put 'em in a jar, melt 'em down into bubble gum, and sell 'em to Yankees."