Job Discussion Forums

[matttheboy]

Now here's an interesting topic to discuss...or it seems interesting to me as i've been laid up in bed with a bad back for the past 10 days so i'm bored witless, which would explain my regular posting over the past few days....

My girlfriend used to be my student...

A little more info before you pass judgement...

I was teaching in England, had a girlfriend i was very happy with but was keen to travel. My choice: South America. Split up with girlfriend (she wanted to travel as well but, being a management consultant in a well paid job she enjoyed, found it a bit tricky to just up sticks...). Knowing i was going to South America i obviously decided to keep in touch with some of my Latino students and whilst working in Ecuador found it a great help to have friends to help me settle in.

After a few months there i started a bit of travelling and ended up in Santiago (not the best place to end up by any means) where a former student lived. We met up, found we had a lot in common (same interests, same age etc) and one thing led to another. A year later and we're very happy. It's quite funny to see people's faces when we talk about how we met; some shocked, some laughing. Would you guys, as fellow teachers, see this as a heinous crime?

I've met teachers in Thailand and Australia who used teaching as some kind of dating agency, something i found more than a tad unpleasant. Do you think that having a relationship with any student, past or present, is unacceptable?

[Twisting in the Wind]

My Mom was my Dad's student at the university a million years ago, and I'm here today as a product of that relationship, so I'm just a tad biased with my answer. Hehe.

[denise]

As long as she's not currently your student, and you weren't plotting different ways to get her in the sack in the future when she was your student, why should there be a problem? Congratulations.

d

[Chris_Crossley]

My wife used to be my student. Here's the timetable:
2 December [Year X]: she started her course
27 January [Year X+1]: she finished her course
31 January [Year X+1]: I called her up impromptu - first date took place 4 days after she finished her course
12 February [Year X+1]: my marriage proposal was accepted just 12 DAYS after first date
14 June [Year X+1]: marriage certificate was issued
21 April [Year X+3]: our daughter was born
Now: still happily married!

Finding love with a former student of mine was unexpected, but it was clearly meant to be! (Note the word, "former".) As long as teachers do find love with people who are not current students of the school they are employed at, there is nothing to stop people getting together to pursue a relationship.

Nobody ever questioned or had any problems with my former student and I having a relationship, and the fact that it is still going strong is proof enough that one can find true love at the most unexpected times.

[Guest]

Yes, I think that being involved with a CURRENT student no matter your age or theirs, is definitely wrong.

However, what you did was okay. She was a former student and your age anyway - I do not see anything wrong with that.

[Winmar]

She was no longer your student when you started going out with her, so as far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with that at all.

What would you people think if someone went out with someone studying at the same school, but not in their class?

[Gordon]

I agree with everyone else, she was no longer your student, in fact she hadn't been your student for quite some time, so no problem.

Chris, I was a little confused about your timetable and when you had your child until I saw Year 3 . I thought wow, not your kid at first!

[go_ABs]

People in NZ gave my sister a bit of a niggle. Her boyfriend (now husband) was a teacher at her high school.

However, he only started teaching the year following my sister's graduation - that is, he was 21 (fresh from teacher's college) and she was 18. Nothing wrong with that.

I was still going through the school - the few times I was scheduled to be in my sister's boyfriend's class, he asked for me to be moved to a different one. Hehe.

I agree with Rhonda - if the student is a former student, then there's nothing wrong. So long as the teacher's intentions were 'honourable' at the time of teaching...

As for Winmar's question - YES - dating a student at the school where you're a teacher is NOT COOL.

[Stephen Jones]

Are we going to start off with this again. The last thread on the same topic went on for seventeen pages!

If he/she's an adult, it is no-one else's business, unless you're dealing with the not-at-all uncommon situation of swapping sex for marks.

And restricting possible girlfriends/boyfriends to those you had not fantasied about getting into the sack with, is unjustified discrimination in favour of the ugly.

[Spinoza]

[matttheboy]

Good good, i'm not the immoral little bugger my friends and family have been insisting i was...

And what about winmar's question-how about getting it on with a student at you school but who isn't in your class?

[leeroy]

Assuming that all parties are consensual adults, then I see the issue not so much a moral one as a logistical one.

Having your girl/boyfriend in your class could well be awkward, embarassing and compromising to professional objectivity (I'd find it more difficult teaching the past perfect to a girl who had seen me naked that morning)...

In the same school, but not in class? Not so bad, but what if things go wrong? You'd still see each other every day, awkward and potentially job-threatening if the woman is scorned enough.

Then again, a couple of years ago I had a girlfriend from my school - it all went fine. She was not the sort of person to make life difficult during a break-up, but, we never really broke up (her visa expired).

All this "teachers who date students are nasty sexual predators" nonsense doesn't work with me at all - I'm sure there are some people like that but it comes across to me as far too great a generalisation.

[Guest]

Stephen Jones

Deal with it! If you stay on Daves long enough, these subjects go around in cycles!

If it bothers you, do not read them or respond to them. I personally do not mind, as the posts are usually from new people who only joined recently.

[kev7161]

Being 43 and the teacher of Senior middle school students, I can honestly say I will never fall in love with a student. I often post how much I love my students, but never IN love with a certain individual. I often think about how such-and-such student would make a great son or daughter or how much I'd love to take an exceptionally bright youngster back home with me so they could (possibly) have a better future. China is opening up more and more, maybe I'll see one or two of them when they come to the US for further education! I would love to show off my city to them. ("Topeka is famous for . . . !")

[justcolleen]