Job Discussion Forums

[Mark Beckman]

Hi all

Coming for our first stint in China in the new year with our 14 year old Daughter in tow.

A summary of the area in general would be welcome.

Anyone in the area also with teenages who may like to hookup for the teens benefit we would surely like to hear from!

Any tips for a 14 yr Girl (typical rebelious type!) would be appreciated ...

Thanks,
Mark and Theresa

[go_ABs]

I commend your bravery.

I sincerely hope that this was a family decision. I don't know anything about Chendu/Chongqing, but I don't think this is going to be an easy time for your daughter. Does she speak any Chinese? The language barrier is hard enough for any adult to overcome - how will she be educated? If she's the rebellious type, she's probably not going to enjoy staying at home safely. Let's face it: who does? But personally I would be worried about my teenage daughter in the streets of any Chinese city.

From the nature of your post it sounds like you don't really know much about where you're going - but I'm sure you're not that silly. You have researched at least a little, haven't you?

Hopefully other posters will be more useful to you than I have been! But I would stress that you only move to China with the blessing of a daughter who appreciates the difficulties of where she's going.

[Old Dog]

Mark and Theresa, You may well find that you come to regret towing your rebellious 14-year-old daughter behind you to China. She'll be bored silly in all probability. Chinese students of her age will be the equivalent of 8- or 9-year-olds in a western country. All young people here are either locked up in school every waking hour or at home doing their homework or they're working in some sweatshop. They have no time to socialize - at weekends or at holiday times. There's too much homework. Unless you are prepared to let your daughter roam at large by herself or unless you go out with her at all times, she's going to find herself couped up in a small flat all day, every day.

But maybe I'm thinking in the wrong direction. I'm thinking you will be in a Middle School. Maybe you will be living in a tertiary institution in Chongqing in which case your 14-year-old may find something in common with later year/postgraduate students. But, then again, what do they do? Shopping, shopping, shopping since there's precious little else to do in most Chinese places. Maybe Chongqing has the potential for a richer life for a 14-year-old western girl. I don't now.

I'm sure everyone here wishes you well - but don't imagine that the transition from a western country to China is just a simple geographical transition. Take a look at the "Rude Pigs" thread. It's a dreadfully one-sided thread but it does give a very raw view of how some people react to what they find here.

[Mark Beckman]

Thanks for the quick replys.

Firstly I worry about my Daughters (I have a 20 and 18 yr old as well) on streets here.

Our close friends (an Australian couple with 2 younger children) have been almost a year now in Wulong, 3 hours east of Chongqing and say that Chengdu is the place to go with her, I was just looking for some backup knowledge as well.

Australia has the best homestay education system in the world because of our vast thinly populated areas and it is set up for use in other countries with the Internet nowadays, (beleive it or not marking is still done by post though).

I am led to believe that there is Mandarine classes and English speaking Tutors as well.

I am interested to see if she is interested in coming out of her room once there because she lives 24/7 in her room here!

Thanks for the well wishes

[Guest]

Hi I am from the Gold Coast and I have been in China for 15 months now. I was mostly a single mother with three children and the last one, a boy, now 24, was very hard to handle. I wish I had thought of coming over here as I think it would have taken him out of his comfort zone and shaken him up a little.

Instead I sent him to Boarding School at Ipswich Grammar, which proved to be a help.

She is going to get a shock at the long hours that Chinese children put in at School. I live in a private Boarding School and the kids are up at 5.30 a.m. - have exercises at 6 a.m., then breakfast. They are in the classroom for their first lesson at 7.10 a.m. and the older kids, your daughters age, are still in the classroom at 9.15 p.m. They also have some classes on Saturday and Sunday.

If nothing else, it will show her just what a good life she took for granted in Australia.

Best of luck

[Mark Beckman]

Thanks Rhonda, I'm in Beenleigh and its 38C and humid today so we may go down and have a swim on the Coast tonight

[ahopfe]

I live with a 32 year old chick that had her 13 year old son her for six months and he enjoyed the first couple of months but yeah he also got very bored of the idea ......

it might work for you but i personally wouldnt doing it anytime soon I am Zhengzhou , I dont know anything about the Chengdu area expect its a hell of alot warmer there than here

You will enjoy the fact that DVD's are only 7-10yuan. thats the main thing that help the situation up here, that and also the fact that he was let into the Internet cafe when i came here and posed as his older brother so he could play CS


Best Wishes to you

[metalgeek]

Well she'll be able to get into the bars....
Place in Chengdu to hang around some Chinese teenagers, Daves Cafe. (local students stop by there fairly often)
But really, there isn't much for a teenager to do in Chengdu, other than shop, and watch DVD's.

[voodikon]

if she lives in her room 24/7 at home, where everybody speaks the same language as she does, what on earth would make you think she'd venture out in a country where nobody (ok, a very small percentage of the population) can speak the same language as she does?

i was a stay-in-her-room 14-year-old girl once, and although i think years and experience have helped me overcome those aspects (both the stay-at-home and the 14-year-old aspects!) of my personality, i still find myself, at times, intimidated to go out and "socialize." if you'd call it that here.

but really, it depends on her: not all 14-year-old girls are the same, so maybe she'll thrive in this environment, and maybe she'll hate it. presumably as her parent, you know better than the rest of the naysayers on this board.

to answer your question, though, i know nothing about chonqing! ha!

[tom selleck]

I'm a 42 year old student in Chengdu. What has me a little concerned about your post is the lack of a definite plan for the 14 year old. I guess nothing is carved in stone about attending University if a person is only 14 years old. If she is WILLING to learn Mandarin, there are a host of Universities and colleges to study Mandarin at. Your teenager is willing to suspend her secondary schooling in Oz? You're willing to plunk down Y5000RMB/semester to keep here busy? It's an alternative if all parties are willing.

Keep in mind standard Mandarin speakers are few and far between in Chengdu-they speak Chengduhua. Sometimes it sounds just like Mandarin, and other times, it sounds like a completely different Asian language.

In spite of my age, I remember being 14 like it was last week. If I were she, I'd be screaming at the top of my lungs. PLEASE MUM! I don't want to go. Even if you agreeably discussed this with her, 14 year olds often don't know what they really want. As a Mother, you know. They wake up one day, and declare that they're vegetarians/joined the latest religious cult/pierced/tatooed some part of their body; I'll let your imagination fill in other possibilities.

If you are the fairly liberal-type Mother let her go to the expat bars. There's a couple decent ones in town. Otherwise, she'll be bored senseless bordering on suicide.If she's in a bar, she doesn't have to order booze. I order coke myself. If you select the attend University option, congratulations to both of you. Attending University, learning Mandarin, and taking a stab at bar life would at least be a fulfilling, different experience for a teenager. The trick is to keep teen-agers socially stimulated and BUSY!

Old Dog's post should be words the wise. My uni. teacher obviously doesn't care for the local people. She's Chinese.
My tutor has recently admitted she only thinks the town is so-so, in spite of the fact that she's an attractive Chinese gal who can speak English.

I reckon you can make this work if both of you have a plan.

Shou wan le. Wo zhu nimen houyun.

[Roger]

I wonder if that 14-year old lady had any say in your future plans? It's easy to plan on her behalf, but it's not easy at all to anticipate what she actually craves the most. Once in China she may be missing her classmates or neighbours more than the local hang-outs she is currently frequenting.
For a 14-year old, such a move can be quite traumatisiing. Coping with a totally new language in order to make friends locally? I think, the poor girl is in for a rude shock! Have you thought of how to spend your leisure time with her? Weekend trips? Holiday travels? Books for her? No books? TV is a mind killer!

[Mark Beckman]

[quote="Mark Beckman"]Hi all

Any tips for a 14 yr Girl (typical rebelious type!) would be appreciated ...

quote]

I think some have mistaken this part of my post.

I have mentioned I have (and sucessfully raised) 20 and 18 year old Daughters, I am not new to that and indeed my Daughter is wanting to go.

I was enquirying of any tips for the specific areas as per Metalgeeks/Tom Sellecks post's for example (thanks you Guys).

Old Dog - I beleieve we will be in a middle school and My Wife and Daughters shop till they drop and I certainly hope that it richens her life experience overall.

Ahopfe, what is CS ?

[chengdude]

An interesting thread, but I'm confused as to where exactly you are being placed...or do you have a choice? Chengdu may be "the place to go with her" but the "Chengdu/Chongqing area" is a rather large swath of real estate as you've no doubt determined already.

[Mark Beckman]

Hi Chengdude.

Our placements are not finalised but most likely Chengdu, we will know next week.

Does the 'Chengdu' in Chengdude refer to the area?

[The Great Wall of Whiner]

She's going to be bored.

Luckily, there is little chance of her getting into the "wrong crowd", smoking pot, etc.

I bumped into a single mother in Shenyang at McDonald's with a 12 year-old girl. All she does is do her school work, play on her computer, and go shopping.

She has no friends, and badly wants to go home (last heard, I believe that is the plan come January).

Good luck.