Job Discussion Forums

[zakiah25]

Hopefully, we won't go over previous ground on this topic, but I've been thinking about it lately as I'm approaching the "big 30" next month.
The constant questions from students and relatives are starting to have some effect - things like (Mother: "You know dear, your biological clock is ticking away ........ and I would love to have some grandchildren") and (Students: "Do you have a husband and children?" or "What does your husband think about you working as a teacher?"). Over here in Oman, you're considered an "old maid" at 25. By 28, you should be at home looking after the kids and your husband (I can hear JohnSlat cheering from Saudi Arabia!).
So what is the right criteria, if there really is such a thing when looking for a soulmate? For after all, we know that "love is blind!"
. Be in the same profession/industry?
. Same or different nationality?
. Share similar interests?
. Look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney?
. Have a charming personality?
. Have similar philosophies on life in general?
. Be rich and be able to provide life's necessities and luxuries (that rules out marrying another teacher!)?
. Be a "supermodel"?

Any ideas?

[bnix]

Hello,Zakiah( ).Does that mean you will be changing your handle to Zakiah 3O? Not really,right?Well,just a couple of comments.If you are searching for the PERFECT soulmate...that person does not exist...as some of us "olbies" could probably testify.

It is your business,but I would suggest you ignore all of those people bugging you about getting married.
This thread does sound very familiar...anyway...hope you find who you are looking for.Guess it will have to be someone who likes camels,right?

[Guest]

I went on a trip to a Bedouin village, where I was told that if a woman is unmarried at the age of thirty she climbs a hill and kills herself when she gets to the top. I hope you won't be taking that road Zakiah.

Anyway, what happened to Manfred? Is he out of favour?

[Jojo]

Dear Zakiah,

Do not let societies views on being 30 and not married get under your skin.
Being there myself tis a great age. Coming into your prime, doing something interesting that some people never dare to dream of (teaching abroad). It is all a matter of perspective.
Regarding the perfect "Soulmate" that you talk about...if you know what you want and need then that soulmate will hopefully one day come knockin on your door(so i've heard). Enjoy it because it's all uphill from here girl. Go out on your bday have a few beers and celebrate cause your only 30 once!

Jojo

[Irish]

Katy:

Haven't you heard? Manfred is carrying a torch for Jar Jar Binks. Maybe that old saw about there being "someone for everyone" really is true.

Zakiah:

Well, if we start forbidding people to post material that's already been covered, this board is going to get awfully quiet. But it's an interesting question. I'm not sure that I believe in the existence of soulmates, although I'd like to. Then again, I'm one of those very old maids (pushing 35) and a weirdo (just ask scot47) so my opinion probably doesn't count for much.

Besides, it's a highly individual thing, isn't it? The question isn't what one is supposed to look for in an "ideal" partner. The question is what qualities do you want/need in a partner? Bnix is right that there is no perfect person but maybe you can find someone who's perfect for you when you're ready. Your family means well but why let them push you on this if you're happy with your life right now?

[johnslat]

Dear zakiah25 ( hmmm. aren't you going to have to update that number soon? ),
The big 30?? Land o'goshen, girl. Wait until you hit the BIG 60 ( actually, having done just that about 3 1/2 months ago, I can assure you it's quite survivable - rather interesting, in fact, especially if you ( as I did ) never expected to make it that far. My thoughts on the perfect? ( forget that - nobody's perfect - well, except for scot47, of course ) soul mate? Glad you asked. Sharing at least some of the same interests is VERY important, and sharing much of the same " world-view " in matters such as politics, religion ( or the lack of it ) and, yes, s e x. What else to look for? Top of the list - a good sense of humor. After that, someone who's bright, caring, considerate, tolerant and has a " sense of adventure " and a fine balance of daring and good sense ( Sorry, though - I'm already " spoken for " ). Someone who doesn't " grant " you " equal status " but who takes that fact for granted. Appearance? Less important, though he'd probably have to be at least OK, if not Brad Pittish. I mean, I think it mght be hard for anyone to love and spend her life with a 500 pound geek. Money? Well, enough to live on, but much less important. Always remember, though, that there's only one thing worse than being single ( unless being single appeals to you ) and that's being married - to the wrong person. But you've got the wrong idea about me - " By 28, you should be at home looking after the kids and your husband (I can hear JohnSlat cheering from Saudi Arabia!) ". Nope, I'm not a " woman's place is in the home " sort of guy. I've been in a " Significant Other " relationship for 15 years now with a lovely lady who'll soon " outrank " me; she's getting her PhD in archaeology, at 55, after being an RN for many years. She had a dream, and I told her - go for it. And that's something we should all do - go for it. Otherwise, when you DO reach 60, you may be carrying a heavy load of regrets.
Regards,
John

[Roger]

Dunno if your question is tongue-in-cheek, so here is my somewhat bookish reply:

"...William Goode, in his paper "The Theoretical Importance of Love", givews a functional analysis of romantic love in American society. Goode begins by noting that SOCIETIES VARY A GREAT DEAL IN THEIR ATTITUDES TOWARD ROMANTIC ATTACHMENTS: Some, like modern America, view it as a good thing (in fact, a required norm, since people are not supposed to admit to marrying for any other reason). Others, like traditional China, view love as a foolish infatuation that interferes with the serious business of negotiating links between families through marriages of their children..."

I guess, you can substitute "Arab" for "Chinese" here. And, I guess, we can substitute your name for "American society" here.
SInce you would only marry out of love (that foolish thing!), you do not need to do just that because your host society would like to extend their business relationships across the international boundary into your home country, which you would probably not want to do.
But then again, maybe you want to marry a Prince Charming from Saudi both for love and for a lasting profitable relationship?
(bold type by me to higholight the core meaning).

[Shaman]

Luckily my younger brother and his wife just had a child. Before that, I was the recipient of my mother's "I Want a Grandchild Blues". I assured her that I could furnish her with 5 or 6 within a year if she wanted. Problem solved.

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Howdy zakiah25:

Hmmm. I turn 42 next month. Could we both be Geminis?

Anyway, a thoughtful question deserves a thoughtful answer, and I have given this a lot of thought.

"My Ideal Soulmate" by Kent F. Kruhoeffer
______________________________________

She's a Sony HD (high definition) - 27inch digital flat-screen TV
with surround-sound stereo through 4-way Bose speakers
and built-in HQ VCR and DVD players
It has that new infrared multi-tasking remote control that also chills beer and dims the lights
and ... this little beauty comes in a REAL wood cabinet

Oooooo La La I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about her. Ya know the really scary thing about this ... is that I'm totally serious.

Yours,
kENt

_______________________________________

Give me a fish and I eat today; teach me to fish and I quit this crappy job and go fishing.

[Guest]

Kent - do you age in cat years? I thought you'd already had a birthday this year.

While we're on the subject (kind of), and since there seems to be no limit to the diversity of questions requiring answers. Does anyone have any ideas of how to make my lovely Dad's 60th birthday special this weekend? Now I know it helps to know a little background. He has no formal TEFL training and no experience of teaching English, though it is his first language. He'll be 60 years old and is a UK citizen.

Thanks.

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Hi katy:

Actually, zakiah25's birthday greeting a while back was a hoax. I swear!

As for that special gift for Dad: Try the Sony. He'll love you for it.

Meow,
kEnt

[nighthawk]

First of all, forget about the perfect soul mate. No one�s perfect, and soul mate is just a made up term to make people feel better about whom they end up with and to give people hope that there�s some sort of prince(ss) charming who will come and provide you with a cure-all like peace of mind; a breath of fresh air or renewed sense of vividness; inspiration; and a heightened sense of significance. It's a false hope. The reality? People look for a romantic partner because there�s a basic human need to have someone to make you feel special. You have options. It would work out with some guys better than with others, but there�s no one person who you�re meant to be with. You�ll be thirty in the blink of an eye, and if you want to have kids, despite what some people think about the advancement of science, then you have already passed the optimal time to do so. Don�t be surprised if you can�t have kids if you wait till you�re 35 to 40. You see famous women like Madonna for instance having kids in their 40s, but she also has the money to spend at the fertilization clinic, and having kids that late in life isn�t what�s best for the kids, at least biologically speaking. You obviously wouldn�t have started this thread if you weren�t thinking about settling down. Just be forewarned that you may regret passing some men by now if you chose to go the feminist, �I don�t need a man route.� If that�s what you do, then I hope you invest in a good vibrator, but it will never love you, it will never help you raise a child, and it will never be as important as a good father and husband. Here�s the question you should be asking, and the best answers I could come up with to it. The answers are not in order of importance. They�re all important. I won�t say equally important, but you need them all at least during varying times in the relationship.

What makes a romantic relationship/marriage work and last?

1. First, you have to love yourself enough to let yourself be loved. If you won�t let someone love you because you don�t think you deserve to be loved, then don�t waste someone�s time and energy (not to mention break their heart) with your ambivalence.
2. shared values and interests
3. similar sense of humor
4. converging life goals (to be together with someone going in the same direction)
5. complementing each other and good communication
6. love
6.1 attachment from friendship (commitment)
6.2 supporting each other
6.3 attachment from being in love
6.4 being mutually in love in-itself; inspiring each other, squaring off
7. enough money to make your relationship as stress free as possible. (Relationships are hard enough without having to fret too much about where the next paycheck is coming from).
8. passion, physical attraction (The passion comes and goes in cycles in a romantic relationship, but that�s just the way it goes).
9. patience
10. compromise

I hope this helps, and good luck.

[zakiah25]

First of all, I must apologise to KENt - old age must be setting in or I better get tested for glasses because I totally misread your post in the Russian forum - I read it as "It is my birthday....." instead of what you really wrote and this was, "Is it my birthday .....?"
Secondly, thanks everyone for the replies and Nighthawk, your post was really something.

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Dear zak, zak, zak:

No apology necessary! I think it's funny that my birthday has now become a mini-sub-theme of your post. And for all those lonely soulmates out there planning to wire money or send expensive gifts, my reAl birthday is the 5th of June. There. It's settled now.

Peace,
keNt
______________________________________

One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

- Sigmund Freud

[xnihil]

After reading all of these carefully wrought explanations of what qualities are best in a significant other, humor, looks, emotional stability et cetera, I'm somewhat disappointed that no one has mentioned the most important of all.

Now, don't laugh at me or think me too weird, but I swear, the single most, definitive feature of a true love has nothing to do with material wealth or physical appearance. No, what makes the home life work is...
how the other person smells.

OK, OK, everyone get their laughs out now. But, when they talk about chemistry, you think they mean something mixing in a test tube? Chemistry is how their smell mixes with your nose, and vice versa.

So ignore all of those other silly things, get your sniffer in order and go out there to find that perfect somebody!