Job Discussion Forums

[IanN]

I was sorting through some old files on my computer and found these. They made me laugh again so I thought I would share them.

1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4. You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6. Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
10. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
11. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
12. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
13. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
14. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
15. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
16. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
17. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
18. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
19. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
20. Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
21. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
22. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
23. You never ever run out of salt.
24. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
25. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
26. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
27. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
28. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
29. The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
30. People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
31. You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
32. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
33. Bricks are horrible to carry.
34. In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

[shmooj]

You prompted me to dig something else out too on phrasal verbs:

[Deconstructor]

A lot of students ask me about idiomatic expressions, two-part phrases, etc. I give them answers if it's not going to take me an hour to do so. I always tell them that you can't ask someone about the essence of language just like you can't ask your swimming teacher how to be a world class swimmer when you're not even wet.

It is ironic that those students who ask the most questions about English learn the least.

Language must be experienced not learned.