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R · Joined: 07 May 2003 Posts: 277 Location: United Kingdom

A document was recently unearthed in the basement of the Bodleian Library which throws an unusual new light on the work of seventeenth century playwright William Shakespeare.

The document was written by a monk from the abbey in the village of Hathaway in the late sixteenth century. It tells the story of a successful attempt by the abbot to avoid the dissolution of the monasteries brought about by Henry VIII:

"Abbot Pembroke haf declared that from nowe we are to bee a colonie of 'science' and that we shalle be breeding a group of chimpes for an 'experimente' as proofe of our status. In usuale times we woulde feare such a notione but nowe we muste take what chances we can."

The anonymous monk goes on to say that the chimps were duly bred and each issued with stylus and several valuable sheets of paper. They were then left to their own devices and when King Henry's men came to expel the monks they found instead a colony of scientists engaged in an experiment "to see if chimpes can write."

The phoney experiment carried on for several years until the last chimp died in 1582.

"Withe no chimpes we were forced to cancele the experimente, harde because we had growne attached to the chimpes. They had written many dramas, some with plots outlined belowe, and alsoe some sonnettes and assorted thinges. All these we hath solde to a bearded man by name of William Shakespeare who was travelling near our abbey. He hath a craftie eye."

The plots which follow in the monk's script correspond closely to the plots of 'Hamlet', 'Macbeth' and 'As You Like It'.

The document has been declared authentic by the Bodleian's Assesor of Ancient Manuscripts, William Herbert.

andrea · Joined: 19 Apr 2003 Posts: 24

the rules of probability do state that if given enough time a monkey who knew how to write (or any person or thing able to hold a pen and make marks with it on paper) would eventually give us Hamlet, word for word.
Then again, the rules of probability (and physics) also state that if you bang your head against the wall enough times, eventually it'll go through Wink

Shonai Ben · Joined: 15 Feb 2003 Posts: 617

I do believe that some the monkey's offspring went on to become world leaders and still are at this present time. Laughing

Steiner · Joined: 21 Apr 2003 Posts: 573 Location: Hunan China

And I would not have to suspend belief at all if we found out that some of the posts here at the Cafe have been written by monkeys.

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

"Chimpe" is not a 16-th century word, so next time you write some fake 16th-century prose try to use authentic lexemes !

R · Joined: 07 May 2003 Posts: 277 Location: United Kingdom

Ben: do you really think our world leaders are that literate?

Scot47: Sir! Are you accusing me of forgery? I'll see you in court...

Shonai Ben · Joined: 15 Feb 2003 Posts: 617

Rob:
I see your point.Guess I was being a little too generous with my comments.
I hope that I have not offended any monkeys in any way and that the
animal rights groups will not take to me to court for slander.
I think monkeys are good "folks". Laughing

Lucy Snow · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 218 Location: US

I could testify for scot47--according to my Oxford Unabridged Dictionary, "chimp" as an abbreviation for "chimpanzee" did not appear until 1877.

It was still a pretty clever parody.

R · Joined: 07 May 2003 Posts: 277 Location: United Kingdom

Ah, found it!

Lucy Snow and Scot47, I beg to differ:

Hamlet first appeared printed in 'The Bad Quarto' in 1603. This early version of the play bore many differences to later printings in 1604 and in the first folio of 1623. One scene in The Bad Quarto which differs from later versions is in Act III, Scene II:

HAMLET: Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?

LORD POLONIUS: By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

HAMLET: Methinks it is like a weasel.

LORD POLONIUS: It is backed like a weasel.

HAMLET: Or like a chimpe?

LORD POLONIUS: Very like a chimpe.

The word 'chimpe' was replaced with 'whale' in the Second Quarto and all future editions. Perhaps a certain "playwright" had decided to cover his tracks?

xnihil · Joined: 06 May 2003 Posts: 92 Location: Egypt

Nice try, still funny tho'

http://www.columbia.edu/~fs10/quarto1.htm

Lucy Snow · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 218 Location: US

Thanks, xnihil--I knew the good old Oxford couldn't be wrong.

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

This thread reminds me of a Simpsons episode.

Mr. Burns has a thousand monkeys working a thousand hours to prove that the greatest book of all time can be written.

He steps up to a monkey sitting in front of a typewriter and pulls out a freshly typed page and reads, "'It was the best of times, it was the BLORST of times.' YOU IDIOT!"