Job Discussion Forums

[tofuman]

My contract states that I will "respect the morals and culture of the Chinese people."

That must refer to sexual "morals, " but whose? On the one hand, there appears to be a high regard for marriage, virginity, fidelity,etc. I do respect those things. But respecting something and espousing it are not always the same thing.

I noticed that one of the senior lecturers in my department has quite a few "young nieces." They are actually students and former students with whom he maintains personal relationships. I have observed one of them placing her hands on the teacher in a way that appeared to violate any Western standard of teacher/student relations. I have often found them alone together in the school office.

Other teachers have told me that the teacher in question is "very powerful" and he is a Party member. I have a cordial relationship with the man, and am loathe to suspect what in the USA would be assumed, based on appearances.

I have also been surprised by the behaviour of married women, other teachers. By any Western measurement, I would assume they are looking for a qing ren. Their body language, attempts to arrange surreptitious meetings, etc. would indicate a woman unsatisfied in her marriage. On the other hand, I tend to believe that some people will behave in almost any way to get a free English lesson or some face time with a foreigner.

Who defines what the morals of the Chinese people are? Mao? He, according to his personal physician, had numerous young lovers as well as orgies, so while sympathetic, I doubt that he is the standard. He was married, what, three times?

I would like to hear from some of you more experienced gents on this subject. Keep it "professional," please.

[Spiderman Too]

My contract contains the clause "Party B shall respect the Chinese people's moral standards and customs".

Last October I requested permission for my Chinese girlfriend to stay in my on-campus apartment for 1 week. The following transcripts of memos are self-explanatory; she did, in fact, stay for the week.

[The Great Wall of Whiner]

classic

[amandabarrick]

Some of my students tell me that engaged couples living together is the norm. That once a couple is engaged they should live together. I dunno if this is the norm in most places or if it is really part of the Chinese culture, but that is what they tell me.
I find the living arrangements of Chinese very unique. Couples, engaged or newly married, living with their parents. I have always wondered whose parents should live with the couple, the man's or the woman's? This is very different from the American idea of independence and importance of individualism, my parents wouldn't live with me and my future husband even If i begged them to. Until one's parents are unable to care for themselves, It is not a common occurance in the states. And the grooms family paying for the wedding? opposite of American culture.
I wonder if schools would have a problem with your "fiance" stay with you in your on-campus apartment. But If they are willing to pay for your girlfriends hotel expenses, I would take that in a heartbeat!
As far as morals in a contract go, I have heard of a foreign teacher who was seen leaving a brothel (massage parlor) by another teacher at his/her school. The teacher witnessing the incident reported it to the headmaster. The foreign teacher was only given a warning to stay away from such places as it causes the school shame if a parent or student was aware of such behaviour.
AB

[journeyeast]

Whats really interesting is that according to Chinese law, any unmarried couple, foreigner or Chinese living together or staying together in a hotel is illegal. The law was never changed, but the enforcement of it has been relaxed substantially in the last 5 years.

I've watched my conservative little town turn into a flashy den of young lovers meandering alongside the river and flashy new Audi's highliting the boardwalk alongside the kareoke bars..

However, my fiance still refuses to embrace me in public.. Damnit!

[Roger]

It is incumbent upon any newbie to come here in the full knowledge that socialist marital bliss and permissiveness are at loggerheads in theory. The Party still does lip service to its high moral standards enforced in the wake of China's 1949 liberation from *beep* feudal and corrupt past. What Mao did, and what the public know about it, are a pair of unmatched gloves. He is NOT offocially "known" to have had mistresses...

The legal provisions are straightforward but their application often lag behind. For us, however, the rule still is that members of the opposite gender are not allowed in our apartments overnight. Our own girlfriends, often yes, but not Chinese ones.
My first school in 1994 didn't even tolerate my Hong Kong girlfriend in my apartment over night; when it was known officially that she staid there several days she was given a guest room in the guesthouse, but separation was not strictly enforced... Face was clearly of vital importance to the principal.
Obviously, things have eroded enormously, but don't make mistakes about them! The law still gets enforced from time to time. In Guangdong, Hong Kong government officials are under tight scrutiny, and if one of them falls foul of the law he might find himself in a most embarrassing situation - as happened last year when a policeman was found in a hotel room with a naked local girl. The man was detained but not officially charged; his case was publicly discussed though he was not given a trial.

You may wonder why Chinese students often enrol at boarding-schools; the mores are of socialist importance, of course. Segregated dorms are the norm, yet in our university I have learnt that male students ask females in - and there are often 5 males and 5 females sharing one room. Illegal, yes, but whose business is it to monitor?

[tofuman]

"However, my fiance still refuses to embrace me in public.. Damnit!"

But those private embraces....

[Brian Caulfield]

This problem occurs in South Korea also . FTs think they can do what the Koreans do . Koreans are very promiscuous people . It is because they still arrange marriages in South Korea . This results in married people not being satisfied and looking for romance from someone beside their spouce . So everywhere there are coffee girls on motor bikes delivering services to men in heat . There are love motels where young people can go for a quick jump and abortions are the number one treatment at any hospital .
So I was very shocked with some of the teachers I worked with there who were seeing married women . I lived with these fools and because I came from Taiwan where such behavior would get you dead quickly and any other foreigner who was with you at the time would also get snuffed to get the point accross.
So just because Chinese break our moral codes doesn't mean we should do the same thing .
This applies to jumping the que at the train station or driving your car in the opposite direction of the traffic flow . The proverb (when in Rome do as the Romans do) doesn't apply in China.