Job Discussion Forums

Roger · Joined: 19 Jan 2003 Posts: 9138

HH,
I too empathise with you as you have been a long-term poster that I came to respect. It is really sad to learn how things can backfire.
I don't know how your wife managed to get a visa to stay with you for a long time. I thought Peking natives can visit HK once a year for a short while?

Anyway, your girlfriend's behaviour might point up some problem in your future: how is she going to adapt to life in your home country? I find it ominous that she made disparaging remarks about your inability to take her to restaurants.

Sincer she is a "businesswoman", whatever that means, shouldn't she be intereested in furthering her own prospects? And, HK would certainly be a most useful stepping-stone in her career! Have you told her she can enjoy unlimited access to important data in the HK Exhibition and Convention Centre in Wanchai? There is a large library and lots of computers with access to business databases.
Maybe she would feel less stressed out in nearby Shenzhen? Is it conceivable that the two of you live separated during the week? If she has anything lucrative to do across the border maybe this settles her anxiety and makes her more amenable? It should have to cost more than your present living arrangement - you can settle into a smaller unit and she can find affordable housing in Shenzhen.
I do think you should be very careful in asking for her hand! Unless you can afford a high-maintenance lady once you are back in your home country, of course...

once again · Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Posts: 815

HH. the comment about "what kind of poor place is this"..is very disturbing. It shows up a number of issues..In fact, I doubt if HK is poorer than BJ, to get off the train and announce such a thing without actually entering the city is illogical ( and given that Hunghom is in no means a backwater station. actually incorrect) And to be criticised for not taking someone out for a meal...point out that many people can actually cook for themselves and are not so incapable of looking after themselves that they need someone else to feed them..those that are, are generally considered infants.

As Roger points out, are you sure you want to stay involved with such a lady. After all, at thirty, it is unlikely that she will grow out of such behaviour. It seems she didn't want to be here in the first place...and she is not about to change her mind. Go back with her, or stay here on your own. I doubt that there will be any other resolution, unless she can feel powerful here, which would take her getting out the appartment to do something....

travelem · Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 36

I am sorry to hear your partner having problems to adjust to the daily life of HK. But she sounds like a mainland housewife being angry with a not well-to-do husband after moving to HK. I hope she will find a social club or activity in HK soon.

echo2004sierra · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 90 Location: prc

HH, I think that whatever decision the two of you make, you might like to factor in the prospect of being without a known companion to spend time with: the hot humid nights, grabbing a bite together, taking the dreaded KCR/MTR (without your partner you'll have to - can I say - go it along).

Horizontal Hero · Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 1:56 pm Post subject:

Yes, no doubt having a companion is s good thing. But having a companion who is depressed is pretty draining, not to mention financial pressure. So, she's heading back to the mainland to work. This is the best option until such time as I finish my PhD. What, with a 10 hour a day job, plus about three hours of study in the evening and much more on the weekend, there's not much time to spend with the bored partner - another source of conflict. But I should be finished the PhD in a year to 18 months (fingers crossed).

By the way, I wouldn't call this situation "hell", as someone above said - just a tough time.

I have to say though that if I found an option more suitable than this which involved leaving my contract after one year, I think I would consider it. I've never broken a contract before, but I have to consider my well being and that of my fiance. I've been out of Australia for nine years. I have to say I have never missed it so much as these past 7 months in HK. Not sure why.

Oh, and thanks for your concern, Roger (and everyone else too).

organix · Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 149 Location: Shenzhen, China

why dont the both of you hop over the border and take a job in Shenzhen?

i live and teach here on 4,000 rmb. believe it or not, that measly sum is enough to make me feel like a king. i go into HK every weekend, eat out frequently, get massages/hair washes, go bowling, AND pay US health insurance costs. and guess what? i have money left over at the end of each month. my school takes care of my apartment and bills to top it off. and the cost of living here is ridiculously cheaper than HK.

however, the market rate for a FT is actually about 8,000 here, but with experience its quite easy to make up to 20,000. im not familiar at all with this NET program you speak of though.

your fiance would probably feel more comfortable in SZ. its got that touch of modernity that HK has, yet still the grittiness of the mainland with the wierd daily experiences you'd never see in HK.

Horizontal Hero · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 4:22 pm Post subject:

Thanks for the tip. I thought about that one actually. But Shenzhen is a special economic zone, and if I am correct, it is not easy to get woking visas there (for Chinese from other provinces).

No, I think I'll just tough it out in the living hell that is HK Wink

One thing I miss about the mainland is the wild west feel. Everything is very established, and very serious here in HK. There's a lot of fear sitting close to the surface, and quality of life isn't as great as it could be, despite the greater wealth than the mainland.

Zero Hero · Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 944

'H.H', You are a few years behind. Shenzhen lost its SEZ status - as did the other former SEZs - when China joined the WTO. Many years ago it was almost impossible to secure a visa for the inner SEZ of Shenzhen if you were Chinese but were from a different region - that high voltage electric fence you can still see was put up for a reason. However, it is no longer turned on and it is extremely easy to obtain a visa for Shenzhen now.

saroq · Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 77

Send her home to mum and dad and break off the engagement. You will turn yourself inside out trying to make her happy but nothing you do will satisfy her. As a generalization many (but not all) Chinese women have very romantic and unrealistic expectations about relationships and marriage. They rely on the man to make all of their hopes and dreams come true and take little responsibility toward fulfilling them themselves. You will save yourself many years of anguish by bailing out now. If you can�t bring yourself to end the relationship then you could take an outside chance that one of the International Schools will hire her to teach Putonghua.

Zero Hero · Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 944

The problem with that advice is that, increasingly, native-speaker status alone no longer suffices. Unless she has the Mandarin benchmark advocated by the PRC and which is being adopted by the EMB, in addition to the standard teaching certificates, she most certainly will not be able to teach Mandarin here in HK. Remember, there is not exactly a shortage of native speakers next door on the Mainland, or for that matter in Hong Kong. It is by no means an easy task for a Mainlander to secure a work permit here.

once again · Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Posts: 815

Hong Kong is nowhere near as professional or high demanding as is being made out. Not quite as bad as it was...but it is still a place of opportunities for those that can convince the interviewers that they have what the interviewer wants.

Zero Hero · Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 944

For many people it is a question of what immigration wants, not the interviewer. Furthermore, given a choice between a HK resident and a non-resident, most - if not all - employers will opt for the former.

Also, 'H.H', if your PhD fees are causing difficulty for you here in HK on a HK salary, how did you afford them whilst on the Mainland?

yaco · Joined: 03 Mar 2003 Posts: 473

You are a lucky man HH ?

You have now unburdened your ' Ball and Chain ' and can enjoy the finer parts of HK.

Horizontal Hero · Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 2:51 am Post subject:

Zero Hero · Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 944

Well I hope things continue to improve for you. I can't help but think that the departure of your good lady can only be for the best. Referring to (I assume) Hung Hom KCR terminus as "poor" seems to be a strange comment for anyone to make, not least a Mainlander. When one Chinese friend of mine visited HK for the first time they thought Hung Hom station was Hong Kong airport! Also, I hate to say it, but I think she was being a tad less than honest with you when claiming she had to keep returning to Beijing to renew her visa; such things can be done in Shenzhen now, and, correct me if I am wrong, even on HK Island (though from your tone I suspect you may be aware of this anyway).

Get your finances under control and then start to live. Most NETs I know go away each and every weekend, either to the Philippines or Thailand.

That's bad news regarding the PhD fees. One good thing about doing a PhD here in HK is that - for some reason - the fees are relatively cheap and are extremely stable.