Job Discussion Forums

[jeffinflorida]

So I have been at this university for about 3 months now and have been enjoying it immensely. The school is nice, the students are nice, the area is ok, and the accommodations are very nice.

But the dream has ended.

Why?

The FAO.

I have read several threads regarding FAOs and nothing nice is usually said about them. Up until recent I had no bad words for my FAO. Even though before I came here I heard stories how he tried to rape a female FT from Belgium and very negative stories about the school and this FAO.

I paid no mind to these stories because I had very little interaction with him and his department.

This changed one day when we talked about contract extension for the next term. He got this grin on his little face like he had dirt on me. His next sentence confirmed my thoughts- I have been in sales for a long time and am skilled in reading peoples faces- and he said he had heard rumors that I am having affairs with students in my apartment. The discussion continued and I told him that I placed no value on rumors and he would have to provide me with some facts - names, times places, dates etc.

Of course, Mr. DickHead has no facts but I soon found out that these people thrive on rumor. Facts mean nothing, rumor means everything.

We had this discussion over several days and I even brought up the fact that I heard a rumor directly from an FT that said he tried to rape her but that didn't stop me from coming here.

So one night at about 10pm a friend of mine, a female friend, is coming up the stairs to my apartment and Mr. FAO - who lives on the 5th floor- is coming down. He asks her where she is going and she tells him my apartment and to get something from me. He's very rude to her and she leaves and he calls me and asks me why she is coming over so late and I say what is her name, and he doesn't know and I tell him I can't help him if I don't know who she is.

So now, I am being watched.

I am unhappy and feel that living on campus is not viable anymore and will soon get an apartment in the city and away from the school.

As much as I like working here I do not believe my contract will be renewed and really don't care.

My respect for the FAO is nonexistent even though I still like the school and teaching.

It's funny, after reading all those threads about problems with the FAO I thought it couldn't happen to me.

I am not happy as now I feel like this became more of a job now and less of an adventure...

[Songbird]

Man, I'm sorry this is happening to you, especially only after 3 months! I think most FAO's are a bunch of sleezebags, heck, some of the stories about mine would make your hair stand on end ! It's at the point that none of us FT's ever go alone to his office, and even when we do, we only go if we MUST (ie. pay, which means I will have to face him this week ). So far no major problems, but I *am* Aussie and I will give him a piece of my mind if he ever tried anything on me, I don't care about 'face'!

I'm not too good at advice, but if I were you I'd be ready to leave the end of the contract. It's not worth living in an edgy environment, I'd rather be....hhmmmm....somewhat comfortable where I was. Bummer you have to live in the SAME building as him, good grief!

Good luck, hope it works out for you in the end

[cujobytes]

[tofuman]

I'm not quite sure about relationship ethics in China. Wasn't sure in the States either. Probably most Chinese expect foreigners to conform to some ideal that they don't conform to themselves.

It's not unlike "religious" people in the West who impose a certain morality on others which they themselves don't adhere to.

If FAOs were interested in preventing problems, they would have a frank discussion with the FT about gender relations before problems develop. The problem is that they seem to enjoy "catching" us doing something that allows them to assume a superior attitude.

I respect people who have morals. But my "moral code" may be different than theirs.

A woman coming to your apartment late at night, in an educational environment--do you think that is wise?

[jeffinflorida]

[joe greene]

Regarding your contract extension, have you contacted the TAFE representative?

[kev7161]

Wise or not, we are all adults here. The biggest problem with living on or very near campus is that we can't act like adults. Do I condone bringing a different woman home every night? No, of course not. Do I condone having a long-term (or even short-term) girlfriend (or boyfriend) over and staying the night? If you'd like.

My school makes our guests sign in at the gate. Our apartment building is seperate from the school by about a 10 minute walk. However, the whole "community" is enclosed - - we're sort of like a commune, I guess. Anyway, we have a gate that is monitored by this guy who actually has a little home right by the entrance. Sometimes he's there and the person has to sign in. Sometimes he's away for lunch or something and people come and go as they please. Our school's philosophy is that, since our apartments are free, they don't want others living there. Perfectly understandable if I were to have someone, you know, move in. Kind of an invasion of privacy if I want a guest staying overnight for a day or two.

Does this stop the FTs from having temporary guests? No way. Does the school follow up? Not that I'm aware of. They set rules and rarely enforce them. Good for us in this case, bad for us when it comes to the day-to-day operations of the school and the management of the students.

[tofuman]

It sounds to me as if the FAO is right and the "rumours" are true. If you have female students coming to your room at 10 pm, it certainly would be understandable why someone would think that you are having, in their eyes, an inappropriate relationship with a student.


On the other hand, I don't know what these people expect when they bring single guys into a different culture, language, and environment and surround us with round bottomed, silky skinned, super hot, and sexy, women.

Incidentally, I have not used the best judgment at all times in my relationships here either. But as a matter of self respect, you shouldn't let your FAO get to you over this issue. You could try apologizing to him, but if you do, the behaviour needs to change. Being involved with students, as a teacher, is usually unacceptable in any culture.

It's a difficult problem. I feel your pain.

[GeminiTiger]

[tofuman]

Kev, I wouldn't agree that, in this context, bringing women into our flats for an overnight stay is behaving like an adult. Considering that, according to your own statement, it may cost you your job, wouldn't you agree that behaviour that jeopardizes your employment is childish?

If we like our jobs we have to conduct ourselves in a way that secures them.

Fortunately, I don't happen to like my job.

LOL

[kev7161]

There has been a thread about this before, but that's okay. In my particular contract, it says: "Party B shall respect the Chinese people's moral standards and customs."

It does NOT go on to say: ". . . such as not having overnight guests for the main purpose of having sex with them."

Actually, the "moral standards and customs" part is rather vague. I don't stand on the side of the road and expose my pe nis for all to see because I just couldn't wait to find a toilet. Not being female, I don't wear pants so tight that pretty much every crack and crease can clearly be seen. I don't accept bribes. I don't stand on street corners trying to sell illegal laptop computers. I don't beg for money. I don't prostitute myself.

What I have done is have an overnight guest on occasion and, by mutual consent, have had private sex in my "private" home (by the way, sometimes overnight guests are just friends and nary a shedding of clothes has occured). I don't care if the school provides this home or not. If they are that worried about what I do in my home, then maybe they should provide a monthly stipend and I can go out and find my own place to live so they don't have to worry so much. If this building were directly on school grounds where students are milling about, that would be a different case - - then I would have to meet said guest(s) at their home or find a hotel room. But it's not . . . it's well away from where the students live, eat, and attend classes.

So, no, I would not say that this is childish. It means that I am an adult guy who (on very rare occasions I might add) enjoys what many adult men (and women) enjoy. I also enjoy staying up late at night. I also enjoy the fact that I could have a stiff drink any time I'd like if I were so inclined. I also enjoy the fact that I am never late for work and have only missed a class once in the past two years due to illness. I also enjoy the fact that I send money home every month for safe-keeping and bill-paying. I enjoy the fact that, while in China, I've never (to my knowledge) broken a Chinese law (outside of buying pirated DVDs). Around, oh, 1981 or so, I left the warm bosom of my parent's home and moved out on my own. Since then, I've considered myself an usually responsible adult. While in China, I've still been an adult and have acted accordingly. I appreciate the concern the school may show for my safety and well-being; I don't appreciate them dictating every aspect of my private life.

By the way, the OP said he had a "female friend" who had come to visit him at 10pm. He did not say student. It seems that Tofuman is making an assumption just like the OP's FAO. But I agree with the OP - living on campus affords very little privacy and it makes having a private life quite difficult.

[tofuman]

Kev and Jeff, pardon me for possibly confusing your names in the above posts and any unjust imputation on my part.

Let's review the facts as Jeff stated them: There are rumours about that he is having female students into his room at night. These rumours are jeopardizing his employment.

The FAO observed a female "friend" going to his flat at 10 in the evening. When questioned, Jeff was somewhat evasive about it.

I can tell you that this type of activity, where I live, could certainly lead to gossip, displeasure, and scandal. It might even affect the employment of the woman in question. Like it or not, Chinese women consorting with foreigners is an "item." Moving off campus may not change that.

Granted that double standards, hypocrisy, and confusion characterize these type of situations. I'm very sympathetic to Jeff's plight. I feel his pain; however, whether it is a student, a prostitute, or a "friend," if he is interested in keeping his FAO happy, having women in his flat is obviously not a good idea.

Incidentally, Kev, the fact that you may conduct yourself in the same manner as Jeff does does not make it right. Why not just admit that we are fornicators, whoremongers, lascivious, immoral, etc. Admit that we are powerless to resist the charms of Chinese women.

To blame the FAO for our concupiscence is hardly the adult thing to do.

[Babala]

Jeff, I suggest whether you stay at your school or find another, you live off-campus. I lived on campus once and I will NEVER do that again. If you don't want to follow the rules the school dictates, don't live on-campus. I do think however that having students coming to your apartment is wrong (Jeff, not sure if this applies to you or not). If you have a group of students for an activity or study-group with the school's permission, no problem but to have students just dropping in or for social visits is not at all appropriate. A teacher back home would be fired for such behaviour. This may be China, but the conduct standards should still be the same as if you were back in your own country.

[Roger]

There is yet another twist to this saga, and that is Jefflinflorida's own contribution: he bad-mouthed that Belgian teacher and elected to side with that Quanzhou establishment because they treated the newbie he was so nicely.
They always treat you nicely until they can slacken up and show their true colours. This is why I hope newcomers remain on their guard and refrain from taking sides too rashly!
Maybe an apology to Sanka would be accepted by her, Jeff!

[Talkdoc]