Job Discussion Forums

[Arab Strap]

Thanks for pointing that out, YOU'RE absolutely correct it's a terrible example to make, I think some of my student's bad habits must be rubbing off on me. Keep up YOUR good work.

I after before E except after letter C and all that.

To be honest my spelling has deteriorated markedly since Mr. McGlynn's grammar classes.

I usually make postings late at night or under the influence, moreover my Mrs. has just had a baby so clean nappies take precedence over spelling.

I also tend to communicate in Glegaese, "'naw wit a mean mucker n'tha".

From now on I will make sure that my Oxford "Colour" Spelling Dictionary "the largest spelling dictionary available", along with my Penguin Dictionary of Curious and Interesting Words are always on hand.

By the way I'm not the worst culprit and I do believe that there's far too much pedantry when it comes to spelling on this site. What's more inportant is legibility.

[Bebsi]

INportant? You mean IMportant? LOL!!

Congrats on new baby. Where in KSA do you work?

I tend to READ a lot of this site under the influence...it's the only way sometimes to stay sane!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dmb]

[Bebsi]

Well, not all of us are IN the Kingdom at a given point in time. However, needless to say no-one drinks WITHIN KSA (Tongue firmly planted in cheek!!), because as we all know it is illegal and imposible to get the stuff anyway. Of course it is...sure...right!!

[Arab Strap]

because as we all know it is illegal and imposible

Spliced by your own petard sir!!!!

15 all.

At least I didn't write impotent.

Actually heard on the BBC WS a report from India where one man describes his father thustly:

BBC: "YOUR father is the one of the village elders, please tell us what that entails".

"He's the most impotent man in the village sir".

I don't think I'll be going to KSA anyway if my prospective employer gets a wiff of my spelling through this website!!!!!

[johnyarrington]

I had to laugh out loud, uproariously, when I read Bebsi's "10 Rules For Driving in KSA".

Then I had to catch myself. Because I DO THEM! Well, except for the chatting on the mobile. Not a bad idea, though. Did you know that this "is" actually "illegal"? (Tongue in WAY cheek.) NO, REALLY! "I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!"

Here are mine:

11. Always drive as OFFensively as possible. I used to drive a cab and a school bus (not at the same time) in New York. I remember one rule they taught us: "Think of the stupidist, most idiotic, dangerous, insane, and utterly selfish thing that the car you see, can do. Expect him to do it and drive accordingly."

So I try to be THAT car, "the car (you) see".

12. Hit or be hit.

13. When stopping at a store/bank/post office, don't bother trying to find a parking space. Just pull over (and not too far off to the side of the road, because you'll be blocked in if you do) whenever the spirit moves you. Get out VERY, VERY slowly, and make SURE you open the door ALL THE WAY, to maximise your space and create as much danger as possible for traffic trying to pass you. It helps if you're ready with a Mafia-type of "Eh, wad's YER problem, pal??!" gesture when someone honks wildly. The idea is, try to make him feel that it's his fault.

14. When actually parking in a huge lot like Euromarche or an Embassy, park at an odd angle (like, perpendicular to the cars on either side of you.) Makes it easier to find your car. Especially after being loaded.

Or, make SURE you leave enough space on either side so that you and your passengers can get out by swinging the door WIDE open, but not too far that any motor vehicle can fit between you and the next car.

Makes them build more parking lots.

Extra points if you manage to bang the door of the car next to you after allowing for maximum door swing.

Wing him before he wings you.

[Bebsi]

Should it be "spliced" or "sliced"? (not sure about that one, in fact ).

But yes, I take your point, and stand corrected!! *Embarrassed Smilie*

Do you mean they won't hire you if they get a WH-I-F-F, as opposed to a WIFF?

OK, OK, let's call a hatl to this madnes, becuase somteims i tooo maek typos and after al i;m olny hunam.

We can all make typos, and although I slag people off about them, they are far from important...or should that be IMPOTENT?

What does get me, I must admit, is when some people posting on this site from time to time make genuine spelling and grammatical errors that are clearly the result of lack of knowledge, and are highly embarrassing. It appears to be the same individuals who do this consistently, and I would call their competence into question.

[younggeorge]

[Bebsi]

Indeed, YoungGeorge, you are correct. I had utterly forgetten the expression, mainly because it's not one I'm wont to use on a daily basis. "Hoist by (one's) own petard".

Looking at the expression, it does seem to be very much an archaicism. Indeed, in the context of contemprary linguistic usages and functions, is it not true to say that it is grammatically incorrect? Should it not be the past participle of the verb 'hoist" as it is used in a Passive construction, as opposed to the infinitive? I myself have never heard anyone say or seen them write "hoisted by (his) own petard". On the subject, would the plural of "petard" not be more appropriate?

Anyway, to Johhnyarrington's posting: Johnny, you really should use your mobile when driving. It is most relaxing and fun. Sometimes, as an acceptable alternative, I use either my laptop to send emails or I read a newspaper. It whiles away those long highway-hours.

For parking, diagonally is the best way, as you get to use two parking spaces or even three if you are skillful enough. I take your point about opening doors as far as possible...this is to allow the womenfolk to alight from the vehicle, and give the children plenty of room to run around playfully, especially when parked beside a busy road.

I think at this point some consideration should be given to the selection of vehicle for driving in KSA.

As previously mentioned by me, T-34 tanks, while very good in the resilience category, are not very fast, and are poor performers. They are also scarce and difficult to acquire. However, a large Scania or MAN is good. This must be decked out with a very large array of coloured lights, as if to celebrate a sort of Trucking Festive Season. It is imperative that all of these lights are glowing at all times of darkness, with the exception of signals, which should not actually be used at all, as their purpose is purely decorative. When about to execute a turn, the signals MUST be turned off some minutes in advance. The cab should be decorated in lots of trinkets and beads, and the outside surface should sport an expression of loyalty or affinity to some Asian or African location. " I miss Mindanao" or 'I love Luanda" would be in order. "Dacca is delightful" or "Kerala is Kool" would also gain Kudos for creativity.

Another vehicle that is recommended is a 4WD Toyota (or other Japanese/Korean pickup), especially favoured in the more remote areas. These vehicles must be first adapted externally for KSA usage, by incapacitating at least one headlight and all indicators (signals) and wing mirrors, denting some metal bodywork and removing half of the rivets holding the bumpers (fenders) in place. The interior decoration is also strictly governed by law. A furry or wooly covering for the dashboard is obligatory, likewise the steering wheel, and a nice cushion for one's feet atop the dashboard is a strongly recommended accessory. Decorations such as spinning CDs suspended from the central vanity mirror (known in some parts of the world as "rear-view-mirrors") and nodding dogs, are de rigeur.
These vehicles incorporate certain advantages, such as comfortable seats in the driving cab for camels and sheep, and flatbed areas to the rear where wives, sisters-in-law and children can be accommodated out of harm's way.

For urban driving, especially among our younger and more "hip" (to use Scot47s recent expression) drivers, a Humvee would be a most desirable accessory. For ultra trendy appearance, a load of fake antennae should be erected from the general area of the bonnet (hood), along with the original orange flashing emergency lights. These latter should ALWAYS be kept on.

Driving a Humvee involves a very special road-technique. As this vehicle appears to be unable to travel at a speed less than 150KPH, and a unique foible in the steering mechanism prevents lane-change, the skilled Humvee driver will only drive in the fast-lane, preferably at a speed of 180+ KPH, making sure that orange emergency lights are continuously flashing, and flicking his "full-beams" at any disrespectful or inconsiderate driver who happens to be in front of him blocking his lane. A minimum of six passengers must be carried, and baseball-caps are mandatory attire for all. VERRRRY loud (one hunderd & fifty decibels minimum) music, with special BasSFX, is played as part of the process. A recommended time for cruising the highways and Boyways of KSA is Weds and Thurs nights. A team of local experts is understood to be working on a suspension system whereby wheelies will soon be possible with Humvees, for the occupants' greater delectation and enjoyment.

Humvees, however, are not cheap vehicles. Accetable alternatives are Land Cruisers and Chevrolet Caprices, particularly pre-85 models in the case of the latter. These vehicles, while not required to display orange-flashing-lights and antennae, are subject to other rules, that stipulate purple/indigo flashing & circulating lights on number plates, and sports stripes along the flanks, proclaiming speed-related logos such as "Fastman", Speeeeeeedex" or "Daytona 2XR1GTR". Needless to say, no self-respecting driver would be seen dead (a common state of appearance among this group) without large, conspicuous spoilers and the ubiquitous spinning CD.

So, what's your vehicle to be? A bright yellow Humvee? A Nissan Pickup, an antique Caprice or a thundering Iveco? All have their charms, and are guaranteed to afford many enjoyable hours of driving the thoroughfares of Saudi Arabia.

Incidentally, lest anyone reading this infer any intended offence, I have many friends in KSA from various parts of the world (including Saudi itself), with whom some very good-natured slagging matches concerning driving habits take place. Indeed, my students probably slag off the driving habits and peculiar vehicles more than anyone else!!

Happy and safe driving out there, folks. Remember the advice from the Captain at the beginning of each episode of Hill Street Blues?

GO TO IT GUYS, AND DO IT TO THEM BEFORE THEY DO IT TO YOU!!

[dmb]

[johnyarrington]

Bebs (may I call you that for short? I feel as if I know you.........sympatico vis-a-vis driving and all that.......)

You are SUCH a good writer! And perspicacious.

Where DO you find the time?!

[scot47]

Well I still say the T-34 is better than the Sherman. Especially in Saudi traffic.

meanwhile from next week I won't have to worry about Saudi drivers because SCHOOL IS OUT !

I am off to Chateau Scot47 in the Balkans.

[Bebsi]

Well, Johnny,

Perspicacity is my middle-name!! Time? Looooong Gulf hols...Heh, heh, heh!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, not quite true, as I have been doing a stint in Qatar (postings to follow shortly in Qatar section...) and am now on what is basically an UNpaid Eastern European holiday before returning to KSA in September. I'm based in Romania, and as it happens, not far as the Airbus flies from Scot47, who will shortly be getting out his tight black leather trousers and Black Mascara (a la Alice Cooper) and singing School's Out).

My poor oul' mother did always say that the devil himself wouldn't shut me up...she was essentially correct...and I just can't help getting my coupla words in!!!!

Scot, I agree that there is nothing as strong as the old T-34, but it DOES have certain disadvantages. It is not the fastest machine around, and while superior to the Sherman tank in terms of sheer resilience, it lacks the versatility of the latter vehicle. For the Bahrain trips, it is rather unsuitable: anyone who regularly visits Paradise Island will know what negotiating those back-streets can be like at weekends. While one has a fondness for those narrow streets, one wishes to avoid taking a souvenir of the place home to KSA...namely, the streets themselves in their near-entirety!! My poor old grandmother used to say "beware a man who has an intimate acquaintance with the backstreets of Bahrain". There may be a grain of substance in this assertion, and one does not want by any means to flaunt one's familiarity with the said streets by conveying their substance on the flanks of one's normal mode of transport.

Furthermore, have you ever tried the trip to Hafr Al Batin on a Friday night in a T-34? It's a little time-consuming, to put it mildly. OK, OK, as my great-grandmother used to say, "better a little late than dead-on-time", but one wants to get there BEFORE the hols begin!!

In addition, a word of warning to any single gentlemen out there: leaving a niteclub with a young lady (I speak here of and for Bahrain afficionados) of one's recent acquaintance, whom one is attempting to impress, runs a not-insignificant risk of destroying the said maiden's romantic aspirations. Call me conservative, but if I were a young lady with plans for courtship, being invited to step through the open hatch of a T-34 would, shall we say, alter my perceptions of the gentleman's good tastes and diminish my ardour somewhat. I would, I daresay, start looking longingly at the 911s and even Toyota flatbeds whizzing by with my fellow ladies (that doesn't sound right but you know what I mean) aboard, being whizzed to some romantic rendezvous, or even a fumbling, panting grope in some sleazer's hotel room. Of course, a paid business-lady wouldn't mind, but I know that none of the virtuous readers of this site would ever engage in such unsalubrious and unbecoming (hardly the right expression here?) behaviour.

In the same vein, a Scania, MAN or IVECO would lack the romantic aura and expectations that most young women of today would appear to invest in their associations.

Picture the scene: you are sitting in a Manama club at 2.30 am, chatting to a delightful young damsel from Dakar or Djibouti, and entertaining not unreasonable hopes of one of Cupid's arrows shooting one's way. She is smiling, maybe even head thrown back in laughter, at one's inane jokes, and her tactile and warm demeanour is starting to suggest a not-unpleasant evening still to come. She parts her lips to utter those words that one has been secretly anticipating for some time..."let's go, maybe you like come back my place" when suddenly, with a mixture of a bang and a jingling sound, there they are firmly placed on the table: the otherwise innocuous looking set of keys with the plastic tab sporting the Scania logo.

She glances downwards, a slight cloud of apprehension descending over her face and with a barely discernible tremor in her voice, which her forced smile fails to conceal, she asks "What car you drive? You drive nice car?" One smiles nonchalantly, and attempts to hide one's growing embarrassment. A stammered "Oh yes, I have a nice Swedish model...a very large one" doesn't quite settle the matter. It will inevitably provoke further questions, culminating in the forced admission that one actually has an 18-wheel artic parked outside. Need I elaborate further? 15 minutes later, one is pipped at the post by a laughing Lancia-driving Lebanese Lothario.

No, young men among you; while safety is a most important factor, quality of life is equally a necessary part of mid-east existence, so I would prevail upon you, ignore Scot's advice and avoid the T-34 and similar vehicles of a substantial nature. While he may regard the T-34 as "hip", c'mon guys, it's actually quite naff in its appearance. Similarly the Scania lacks sophistication, style and sartorial elegance. It DOES possess a certain degree of eloquence though, but not necessarily the statement one wishes to make.

The Humvee is OK, a BMW is acceptable, as is a Toyota Camry in certain quarters. A 911 makes a very positive statement, as does a Testarossa and a Murcielago, but admittedly acquiring one necessitates having been as long in the Gulf as Scot himself. So, a suitable Bahrainmobile that also satisfies reasonable KSA safety expectations (or at least delusions) would be a 7-Series BMW, an old Merc or a Humvee. I would still avoid the backstreets in the last-mentioned, however.

The Toyata pickup would do at a pinch, but the kind of ladies you are likely to attract with such a vehicle are not what I would expect my son to bring home to dinner.

Maybe I should establish some kind of Saudi-expat Auto consultancy? Could be something there...Hmmmmm!!!

[Arab Strap]

By misquoting the "petard" thingy I have unwittingly "been hoist(ed) by my own petard(t).............who cares anyway?

All you old fogies with time on your hands are not hip to what's happening daddio

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4074004.stm

If you wanna chrips some chung lush poonanny in Bahrain you aint gonna do it with some munter motor.

(I realise that I am setting myself up for some abuse here).

Then again if safety is your bag, well I always thought that those huge buses which take passengers from the terminal to the planes at Jeddah airport would be the ideal choice.

No idea who makes them or what they're called but I'm sure someone out there will be either sad enough to know or to find out.............

I often had fantasies of driving through roundabouts and over traffic lights in one of those things.

It would not however be a "f**ny magnet".....................alas

[Bebsi]

ya know, Man, there was I really bummin' an' thinkin' I was a buff, book beast with real safa wheels, when all da time I was a real dry fudge wit my munter motor an' rinsed lingo. OK, from now on I'm gonna laoy dat an just cotch.

I there are many things automotive that I know, and lots that I don't, and I gotta admit that the name of those Jeddah-Airport-Bus-thingies is one of the latter. I DO know that they can be raised and lowered, which would be handy for a combo of urban and desert driving. Low for wind resistance in the desert, but high for seeing over the heads of those other drivers at the roundabouts, lights etc.

Were one to attempt to give the object of one's desires a thrill, one could set the thing to continuous up-down setting, on a fast speed, so that she could just sit there and get bounced up and down...that could create a mood for a certain type of young lady. Can you imagine...hmmm...no, maybe I'd better not go there!! OK, OK, just a thought...!!!!