Job Discussion Forums

[etx]

www.englishteacherx.com is shocked and horrified, but proud to be the first to bring you this recently obtained document, which reveals that our deepest fears about the dishonesty of DOS's and Academic Managers and EFL schools in general are true, all too true.

THIS DOCUMENT is an authentic transcription of a checklist for potential applicants provided to interviewing DOS's at a MAJOR language school chain.

Read on to see just what their standards really are.
But be warned: what your are about to read may be extremely disturbing to you.

XXXXX XXXXX LANGUAGE SCHOOL
CHECKLIST FOR POTENTIAL APPLICANTS
Please write YES or NO for each line.
1. _______ Is the applicant neatly dressed?
2. _______ Does the applicant have a TEFL certificate?
3. _______ Did applicant speak in a remotely comprehensible accent?
4. _______ Was the applicant stupid enough to pay full price for a CELTA or other major certificate?
5. _______ Is the applicant's obviously fake photocopied certificate good enough to fool the people who issue work permits?
6. _______ Is the applicant young and inexperienced enough that he/ she can be easily pushed around?
7. _______ Is the applicant old and beaten enough that he/she can be easily pushed around?
8. _______ Was the applicant slightly more attractive than a bag of dead cats?
9. _______ Does the applicant have some kind of baggage, for example a local spouse and child, that will allow him / her to be easily pushed around?
10. ______ Was applicant not too obviously drunk?
11. ______ Was the applicant attractive and outgoing enough that students will like him / her despite the fact that he's an inexperienced idiot who can't tell a verb from a vowel?
12. ______ Was applicant not obviously schizophrenic?
13. ______ Was applicant computer illiterate enough that he/ she won't know how to post bad things about us on the Internet?
14. ______ Did applicant look stupid enough to believe any irrational lie we tell him or her, and desperate enough for employment that he / she wouldn't complain about our low salary, cruddy apartments, and appalling working hours?
15. ______Is applicant on the run from debts, a bad marriage, the police, etc, so that he / she could be easily pushed around?

CONCLUSIONS:
1 - 5 YES ANSWERS -- Candidate is unacceptable
5- 10 YES ANSWERS -- Possible candidate.
10 - 15 YES ANSWERS -- Hire candidate on the spot.
And remember. You heard it here first.
[url][/url]

[Glenski]

Oh, puh-lease!

[ls650]

'etx' has obviously worked for EF Indonesia.

[moonraven]

It is supposedly a spoof, but there are some real bits in there.

[merlin]

This is obviously an outright fabrication, or maybe a "planted" document.
A real top secret document would not, in fact, have points 1 or 2. Both of them? Come on.
The Secret Association of International TEFL Schools (ShAITS) planted this document to trick us into bathing and shaving before the interview and to spend money on their in-house TEFL Cert. program.

[The Great Wall of Whiner]

I can't believe how many people thought the OP was for real. It's a spoof. A parody. It was done in jest.

It's scary to see how many teaching children English out there actually read that as someone trying to pass off something as a real document.

[Justin Trullinger]

Hey there-

Whiner- I think sarcasm doesn't do well on the internet, which may be what misled you about other people's responses...


But I for one, as a recently appointed DOS, would like to thank etx for the useful, versatile list that I'm sure will help me find the teachers I'm looking for, and further my quest for eventual world domination. (evil laugter)

Justin

[merlin]

My post was as serious as my mother-in law's heart attack.

[EnglishBrian]

A while back the teachers at our place were asked what question they'd like asked at interview to a potential new teacher. The consensus was "What's your favourite Carry On film?"

When I interviewed for a new teacher I did actually ask it. The guy worked out great and fitted in perfectly.

(Americans please ignore this post!)

[Chris_Crossley]

[distiller]

I'm an American and know the "Carry on" series. It's rubbish. I like a lot of British humor but this is not one of those I like. If you're coming up for a question for Americans you don't need to be so generic by using Star Wars as every semi-conscious multi-celled organism on the planet has seen it.

You�d be better off asking, �Who was your favorite character in M.A.S.H?� or �What do you think of Andy Rooney?� or �What was better Battle Star Galactica or Buck Rodgers?� or �Was Empty Nest as good as Golden Girls?� or �What were the social ramifications of Alf?� or any question concerning the �Revenge of the Nerds� series or �Police Academy.� These would be questions to get elicit answer similar to the �Carrry on� question.

[Chris_Crossley]

[distiller]

"Similar" does not mean exaclty the same. Although, that is exactly what happen to the guy who played Alf. See www.gayalfsmeanmom.com/deadinact2

[merlin]

How about this one?
Rank the mollowing music groups/musicians in order of your preference:

Britney spears
Smashing Pumpkins
Men at Work
The Bee Gees
Elvis

Any candidate who doesn't come up with the above ordering is either too old or a "retro" type. The idea is not to use icons like the The Beach Boys - everyone likes them, right? But the Bee Gees? Men at Work? Elvis? Anyone who puts these at the top of the list is living in the past, and anyone who doesn't put britney spears at the top has slept through the last 10 years and will be unable to relate to students under 18.

Another one:

Then there's the good 'ol "no right answer" psychological question.
For male candidates: "You're standing in a circle with your colleagues and someone drops a handkerchief in the center. Do you pick it up?"
Of course there's no real conclusions that can possibly be drawn from whatever answer is given. The main point is to just screw with the applicants' heads so they feel like they're damn lucky to get the job at whatever salary you offer.

[Teacher in Rome]