Job Discussion Forums

[malcoml]

The OP has been given help.

Even if the child was out through a Russian school how reconised would it be back in the states.
If many have not noticed people are coming from non English speaking countries to attempt to get through a English degree, not the other way round.

[Katyusha]

Reality checks!

[steven_gerrard]

Is it really better to pack a 15 year old child off to boarding school or with some relatives someplace when his parents are thousands of miles away?
IMO, a child of that age should be with their parents and immediate family and nowhere else. However, any parent who accepts a job in a country where they know decent schooling for their child is not a possibility must be either mad or utterly selfish. What were you thinking??? Was there really no alternative- Russia or nothing?

I don't have any children so perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't wish to cause any offence to the OP as from what she posts on here, she seems to have a head on her shoulders but I amnot alone in wondering WTF????

[Slim Jim]

Thinking about this issue compels me to dwell on how dismal I felt when I was 17 living in England, totally at a loss as to what the hell I should be doing with no intellectual or moral support, mentally messed up, living in the a s s h o l e end of the universe (a sterile new town on the edge of London). I flunked my first crack at college and ended open cleaning dishes in a restaurant, then cleaning and sorting sheets and bloodied theatre garments in a psychiatric hospital laundry (scooping out the occasional umbilical cord or internal organ) - with only booze, cycling, literature and cult cinema to save me. It took me a couple of years to find my feet and try to drag myself out of the mess, escape low paid jobs, lose my virginity, be 'normal'. Well this train of thought was set in motion by the issue of your son's future. Jeez! I wish I had been 17 living in Russia, learning Russian, immersing myself in the anarchy prevalent in this great messed up country that reflected my own adolescent hormonal turmoil, chasing teenage Russian girls and smiling a foxy foreign smile, accentuating my 'difference'. My dream my fantasy. Tell your boy to read Kerouac-Burroughs-Doestoyevsky-Nabokov-Hesse-whomsoever expands the inner horizons. Tell him to get his bottom out that door and start chasing some hot skirt and enjoying himself in Moscow. Unless of course, you, his parents, are part of the problem that keeps him stuck inside, ignorant and paranoid and lonely and messed-up. There's a good poem by Philip Larkin I'm sure you're aware of...

[JonnytheMann]

So far, this is what the OP has told us:

Her son has missed two years of school.

He doesn't speak Russian.

He's nearly a grown-up but totally unprepared to make a living in the world.

He's rootless on a daily basis.

He doesn't have any friends.

He is way, way behind.

He won't be able to survive in the States when he returns.

The problem is really long term.

At this stage, "anything is better than nothing".

Dear expatella_girl, I say with with all the sensitivity I can muster. Your son's life is being seriously damaged by your decision to live in Russia. "Anything" is not better than nothing. This is your son we're talking about here. A parent should make *every* possible sacrifice to ensure that her child has the best future possible. I strongly suggest that if you cannot get him excellent schooling *this very week* in Russia, you should move back to the States ASAP. Put him in summer school this summer and help him get caught up by hiring a tutor for him. Get him through high school as fast as possible. It is your duty as a parent to provide your child with the chance to succeed. Your desire to work in Russia should be secondary to his well-being.

[JonnytheMann]

[steven_gerrard]

The time for running around Europe, reading Dostoyevsky and chasing Russian skirt is surely after high school, not in place of it? You can only take your kids so far but getting them to finish school is pretty fundamental, I'd say. Anything after that (uni, travel, work etc) is their choice but if they have their basic schooling behind them, their choices will be so much wider later in life.

A couple of years in Russia when you're 18 or 19 would be a great experience. When you're 15 or 16 it could be a disaster.


*Jonnytheman- what's with your avatar?*

[JonnytheMann]

It's Juan Carlos Ferrero warming up for tennis at the Australian Open. I am a huge tennis fan, and Juan Carlos is one of my favorite players. He won the French Open in 2003. I think it's a really cool picture.

[Slim Jim]

Sure. Fair point. Education first, wild pursuit of new worlds and hedonistic pleasures second. (But then the unbridled pursuit of such a lifestyle can lead to indolence and mental flabbiness - even if you have wealthy parents to foot the bill and prop you up in times of need.) Clearly, something has gone wrong in the case of this seventeen-year-old boy marooned in Moscow. The question is how to ameliorate an adverse situation. He must be enrolled somewhere asap. Failing that he could join the circus. As a previous poster has already stated, he should have been put into a Russian school from day one. Learnt to integrate, struggle with the language initially, been a curiosity. But he could only have benefited ultimately. The challenge of being thrown in at the deep end, to sink or swim, would have necessitated that he swim. Valuable life skills to be acquired.

He should be learning Russian now. The lad should have Russian friends. I get the feeling that this isolation has been unconsciously cultivated and maintained. Perhaps assumptions about Russian schools and the Russian educational system were there from the outset. A primitive relativism in connection with the public services here: West is good - East is bad. Now, I've taught kids at and from Russian state schools and I can say that the kids are alright, by and large. Yea, the odd psycho or ill-bred maht'-spouting idiot, but the problem of discipline and manners cannot be compared say, to your average inner city (or even town) comprehensive school in the UK. Evil places. (You can't even hit the f******s back if they assault you without being flung in the dock.) I found that teachers at Russian schools were very hard working and made the most of what they had in the way of resources. Could you perhaps talk to some Russian acquaintances and ask for their advice?

We're all ranting and saying our bit but I suppose this doesn't help expatella_girl. Easy to put the boot in when someone's down. All said and done, you should be returning back to the States to sort out your son's future. As the saying goes: 'Be nice to your children, they will decide which retirement home to put you in.'

[steven_gerrard]

[expatella_girl]

Although I have no obligation to defend or explain decisions we have made in our lives, surely I did not just blithely say to myself "What the hell! I'm moving to Russia." I made the decisions I made under the circumstances which prevailed, within the limitations of available options, and believing too much that we would find a way to make things work as we became more familiar with the city and the culture.

Actually, within a few weeks we had found a school which would have accepted him and which we could afford. The Son didn't like the place--not one little bit. Have any of you ever tried to persuade a 6 foot 200 pound rock-headed boy that he should show up every morning to a school he detests full of kids he can't relate to??? Would YOU like to try it to see how well that works?!

And furthermore, I have certainly spent at least 20 years paying my rightful dues. Being mommy-tracked in part time jobs so that my kids would never have to come home to an empty house, decades of getting up at 6 AM to make lunches and take kids to school, invested thousands of dollars and tons of time in the school band programs.....No, I don't want to hear what a selfish and negligent parent I've been.

Additionally, when the decision was made to take the contract in Russia the son in question was not a model of success in the American school system (yes, I'm sure that's my fault too, eh?). And since he seemed to be struggling and unhappy there, I didn't feel that taking him out was going to be any great loss that couldn't be made up for in other ways.

I AM guilty of not having a crystal ball so that I could peer into the future to predict the most likely path to success, prosperity, and happiness. I do not feel as though as though all is lost, I came here asking for input and information and maybe a little brainstorming. The lambasting some of you have given me based [/b]on your own past disappointments are enlightening, but not entirely relevant to our quandry right here right now.

Thanks anyway.

[EnglishBrian]

Expatella girl,

What kind of person is your son? What does he like doing? What kind of social contacts does he already have there in Moscow? Only asking 'cos knowing a bit more about him might stimulate some more positive ideas. I think most of what you said about him was what he doesn't like and failed at doing. What are some of his positives (or is he a real TEENAGER!!!???)

The rights and wrongs of the situation are really irrelevant, and we all make decisions and learn lessons as we go through life. Personally I get the feeling (from what you've said about your son so far) that he isn't the school type. As you say, he's not far off 'adult' and perhaps he's going to need more in the way of guidance in 'pursuing his own interests' now, rather than pushing and shoving into educational type environments he's clearly rejected. I see on American TV shows things about kids repeating years of school. We don't have that in the UK and maybe that's what's making me think more in terms of his now having to look more into adult education than 'catch up with' his childhood education.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit wooly and waffly.

[Trojan Horse]

Hello Expatella Girl,

Katyushka mentioned Russian schools with a special focus on the English language. Perhaps she could help you with some concrete addresses. I personally have no relevant experience to share.

I came across this link once
http://www.dubravushka.ru/detaileng.htm

I like the look of this school and the sound of the director. I am considering taking my daughter there in the school summer holidays once she turns 6 to learn Russian. They have very reasonable fees . Perhaps he would enjoy a Russian course there. Perhaps he could tutor there. I think being respected and liked would just do him good right now.

What does your son hope to do with his life? If we know that, we may find a way forward.

PS I sent you a PM!

[JonnytheMann]

[Trojan Horse]

It's a tough one and we don't know all the ins and outs that lay behind your decision to move to Russia. We don't know whether there is anything much for you to go back to if you return to the states. You said your son was unhappy in his school there and not an academic success.

If I were in your shoes, I would attempt to get a loan or borrow money from family to pay for him to spend the final year of your contract at one of the English language schools you looked at but found unaffordable. I would even invest additionally in a tutor to help him catch up some of his lost time whilst attending this school. If you have the teaching qualifications, two years working in the Gulf and you have that paid back.

If I were you, I would consider that the only option unless you have relatives in the states who would be willing to have him live with them and attend school there. Even so I would hesitate to send an unhappy, lonely and disorientated child away from his close relatives. In the end though, as everyone has said, without a decent school leaving qualification, what can he hope from working life?