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osakajojo · Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 229

Wow! This little girl is seriously scared to death of me.
I am helping out at my friend's preschool. All of the kids enjoy playing with me except for this one scared little girl, age 3, who comes in at 1:00. Yesterday she cried for her mom the second she saw me. The Japanese teacher took her downstairs for a few hours until I went down to try to "make friends" with her and instantly she started screaming again so the teacher took her to the park for a while. Once she came back I stayed in another room for another 20 minutes, came up for a final attempt of just being in the same room with her. She was playing with the others, smiling, till I opened the door and her smile turned upside down. They were going to take her back downstairs but we decided that I would just leave for the day, it being 4:15 and the day care closes at 5:00. My friend suggested that I wear lighter colors the next day and try to stay low to the ground, maybe even pretend to be a cat
Well, today at 1:00 she came in and her mom stayed there with her for an hour while I (dressed in white, laying on the floor) played with the other kids in another room. I would occassionally pass the doorway where she could see me and it always resulted in her being frightened. Eventually her mom left, appologizing to me and each time I would come near the room she was in she would start to scream for her mom again. I was doing more harm than good there so finally I was asked to leave at about 3:45, being told by my friend, the owner, that she ususally only comes once a week so don't worry about it.
I am really just helping out my friend for the month of August because they are having a "Summer School" session and have a lot more kids than usual right now. Its nothing permanent or anything, but still any advice for if I am ever there while the scared little girl is there and how I can get her to realize that I am not an evil monster would be helpful. Crying or Very sad

Revenant · Mod Team Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 1109

I'd say that in this case you might not be able to. The more the parents and staff make an issue of it the more they're also teaching the child to make an issue of it.

Do other things in the room with other children and IGNORE the hysterical one. have the other kids laughing and enjoying the class and consistently do this over a period of a month or perhaps longer. You have to have the child realize the that there is nothing to fear. With staff and parent removing the child from your presence they're justifying in the child's mind their hysteria.

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

Great story thanks! Give her some candy.

Bozo Yoroshiku · Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 1:41 pm Post subject:

When it happened to me last week, first thing I did was take out my red vampire contacts and the fake fangs. Really.

--boz

markle · Joined: 17 Jan 2003 Posts: 1316 Location: Out of Japan

Don't take it personally I work in a kinder and had one little girl burst into tears everytime I walked in the door, would even set off some of the others. over the course a of a couple months I got her to the stage where she was running to me with a book to read. I did what has already been suggested. Funnily enough she's in Canada now so hopefully I've cured her.

osakajojo · Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 229

Thanks all for the great advice.

Captain Onigiri · Joined: 20 Jan 2005 Posts: 103 Location: fly-over land

I had this happen to me once. Thank God just once. I like to think of myself as one swell guy that children instinctively adore. My cousin is a kindergarten teacher and she had one pupil that decided I was the devil incarnate out to kick her dog and rip the wings off little garden fairies. It's very disconcerting and gives your ego quite a beating.
Unfortunately, through no fault of your own, this child has connected you with some past trauma, like a really scary movie she saw. I remember when I was a little kid being terrified of all albino people after watching Foul Play with Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn. Anyway, no action you do with her will unconnect you to whatever is making her scared. It only drives her farther into the 'scared zone'. All you can do is give her space and time to find out for herself that you aren't the monster she has mistaken you for and for her to see the Mother Theresa within you. Of course that can't happen if they keep yanking her from the room. What she really needs is time in some safe corner observing you and realizing that you aren't an evil monster. It would do the child a service if that could happen.

Eleckid · Joined: 03 Jun 2004 Posts: 102 Location: Aichi, Japan

Well I think the kid's scared of your face (facial lines, big smile, teeth, or eyes). Try not to look at the girl straight in the eyes, and keep your eyes small, like in a smiling way. Try not to show huge facial reaction, and keep the mouth small & closed but still smiling. Keeping a gentle & low voice is good too. Perhaps even the perfume/colonge some of us put on is too strong & strange for the little ones...

I'm just trying to recap from my own exp when I was little & saw a foreigner approaching me for the 1st time. I'm a chinese & was born & raised for a little bit in HK. I'm just thinking what my English teachers did that helped me not to be terrified by them.

A gentle cute puppet worked great for me when I first went to Canada. The puppet was a white rabbit with a little pink ribbon around its neck. Real cute. The teacher would talk with the rabbit & the rabbit would respond, but the puppet will not speak, only doing hand & body gestures. When the teacher approached me, she used this puppet. I didn't have to look at my teacher at all. I guess she wanted me to make friends with the puppet first, then slowly to her. It worked great!

Um...don't let the other kids beat up the puppet, I remember my teacher would hold the puppet really high so no one can touch it. And the puppet was "sensitive" easily get hurt & will start crying.

Good luck!

osakajojo · Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 229

Day 3
I have taken everyones advice and am taking a break at the school right now. I stayed hidden till the mom left. I played in one room with 5 kids, once she saw me she cried a bit then started to pass her with "super dog" a few times (puppet dog with a cape). Eventually we stayed in the same room together and I haven't made eye contact with her. I play with some kids on one side of the room while she played with clay with the other kids. Then we all pretended to be different animals together, the teacher playing the keyboard. She is starting to be ok with us being in the same room together.
Thanks everyone for your advice!