Job Discussion Forums

[samnjoanne]

What is the attitude toward americans with adopted children from china. My family will be traveling next year to teach on a one year contract. Just curious how my daughter will be treated.

[Keath]

It shouldnt be a problem at all.. Happy travels!

[Holyrain]

I'd think it'll help you out if anything.

[tw]

[samnjoanne]

That is such a relief to know. Thanks for the information. She will have no idea what it will be like to return. We adopted when she was 14 months. She will be six in Feb.

She is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and my wife. She is also the reason we want to live in China.

[vikdk]

for older adopted children who have lived their lives in an adopted country the experience of returning to their birth country can apparently be traumatic. In northern europe many children were adopted as babies from Korea arround 30 years ago - many returned as young adults to try and rediscover their cultural roots but found because they couldn't speak the language and were not accustomed to the culture that after the initial feeling of being welcomed they afterwards got a feeling of cultural exclusion. In severe cases some had problems which they associated with neither feeling european or Korean - there have been TV documentaries and articles written on this subject - but that i've seen is in swedish or danish.

maybe bringing your kid over here will help her rediscover her language and she can be chinese again during her stay - a positive process that should also help her come to terms with her cultural roots at a latter stage.

[erinyes]

I bet other kids her age will be surprised if she doesn't speak Chinese. I think the Children who live down stairs from us are sometimes surprised that they can't make us understand them... and try, despite the results.

Or maybe the children will be amazed that she is so good at English!

[Rabid]

She'd probably a great english teacher for kids her own age.

[kev7161]

I have a seven year old student in my class who speaks flawless English. He was raised (born?) in Australia and so speaks fluently with his Aussie accent. The problem? The child is loud and overbearing. He blurts out answers and his speaking voice is easily 2 or 3x louder than most of the others. He gets overly excited and can sometimes come across as a bully to the others. In my opinion, he doesn't belong in this class, but there are no other options. I asked someone why he was even at this school/in this class in the first place and was told that the parents didn't want him to forget English (if he was in an "immersion"-style setting consisting only of Chinese).

Saying that, I don't feel it's fair to the other kids who are trying and struggling to learn English. It's also not fair to me as a teacher. Not only do I have to constantly reprimand him when he gets out of control, but I also have to come up with more difficult things for him to do. Quite frankly, with my busy work-a-day, I just don't have the time to find challenging work. Honestly, I don't think he really wants it anyway.

I'm not saying this is what's going to happen with the OPs daughter should they move to China and she goes to school here . . . but it might.

[KL]

I don't want to dampen your enthusiasm, but I will share some first hand experiences with you. My daughter, though not adopted is often taken as such as she looks entirely like her Chinese father as opposed to me, her American mother. First of all, your daughter will be the object of MUCH attention when you are out with her. Depending on her temperament, it may be too much. My daughter, who is three often cries out in frustration after the fifteenth or twentieth person rubs her head or grabs her arm to get a look at her in the market place. (this is not an exaggeration, but an actual number). I am assuming you don't speak Chinese which will at times be a blessing as you will not understand derogatory comments about how "foreign mothers don't know how to take care of children properly", which are made frequently. People will assume because she looks Chinese she MUST speak Chinese and sometimes will shout it in her face waiting for an answer. Again, my daughter speaks mandarin, but not cantonese and finds this a little scary every time we are in Guangzhou. You will also be glad not understand comments like, "Do you want to come home with a real Chinese mommy?" "Where is your real mommy, poor baby?" Again, I am not telling you these things to bring you down, I just want to give you some first hand information. Regardless of understanding the language, it is not difficult to pick up the "vibe" of many comments. Your daughter will also get them from her peers. Kids are naturally curious and Chinese is a pretty mono-cultural society so parents do not train their children not to point, or make rude comments about people who are different. Your daughter will be different because she won't speak Chinese and her personality will probably be more daring and less shy than Chinese girls her age. This will cause grandmothers and babysitters to whisper, "Don't forget you are Chinese! This is your mother land, etc." In my case, the last time I checked California (where my daughter was born) was not a renegade province so this is rather confusing for my daughter. When your daughter starts to pick up Chinese (kids learn fast!) she will probably be unsettled by these comments as well. Right now we are on a much needed, long- term vacation in our "motherland" the U.S. I do this several times a year so my daughter can keep in touch with her "American Culture" which I guess is the opposite of your situation! Chinese people are interested in children and the attention is certainly nice when a whole waitstaff in a restaurant will entertain your child by showing them the fishtanks(entrees) so you can enjoy a quiet meal with your spouse. In any case, I think it is a year of not only your life, but your daughter's. Take time to really weigh the pros and cons and ask yourself some difficult questions about what you hope to achieve over the course of the year.

[samnjoanne]

KL, I really appreciate your comments, thank you. We have looked long and hard and tried to answer the questions concerning how this will effect our daughter. We think the good things we want for her simply out weigh the bad things that will occur.

Thanks Again.

Who knows, there is a high probability we will adopt again while in China. My daughter has already asked if she can have a baby sister. Not sure if the Chinese govt. will allow us but I do know there is an abundance of beautiful children needing good homes.

[KL]

Oh! How funny....my daughter is big on requesting a little sister as well! It is possible to adopt while living in China and if you have the paperwork in order, I believe it even expedites the process slightly. I really wish you the best of luck. Rasing an international child and allowing more than one culture to thrive in your family is a challenge, but also a tremendous gift. On bad days, ( and I hope you have very few!) try to remember that the frustrations we experience are really minor considering our daughters will grow up to embrace different ideas and cultures rather than fear or criticize them. Just yesterday my daughter blurted out the Chinese for fire truck when she saw one. One of her little American friends said, "What did you say?" and she just repeated it for him and said matter-of-factly, "that's firetruck in Chinese"--- "Oh, cool! How you say that again?" was the response. Little moments like these (and I hope you have many!) will reaffirm that you made the right decision. Just be prepared to take the good with the bad and plan ahead to schedule time that is just for the three of you to have fun and talk about what you are experiencing. This will also help your daughter adjust while so many things around her are different. Special family time can be a good anchor.

[samnjoanne]

Thanks again for the kind words. BTW I did not mention that my wife is Canadian, I am American, and our daughter is of course Chinese. We have a true International house.

[brsmith15]

I'm Canadian/American (dual citizen), am married to a lovely Chinese woman and have an 8-year old step-daughter (Yin Yue); my wife's offspring from her fist marriage.

When YY and I are out, walking and holding hands, for the most part we get smiles. Once in a while we see a grimace, but it's always from the unwashed, no-education bums. Screw 'em.

[KarenB]

As KL said, any child of a foreigner (whether Chinese or not) will generate a lot of attention, and this can be overwhelming for some children. You will constantly be told you don't have enough clothing on your child (even when it's 89 degrees out). But you will get free babysitting in the restaurants!

But another thing to consider is identity crisis. Some American friends of mine who have lived long term in China adopted a Chinese girl as an infant, and she has lived part of the time in America and part of the time in China. While in China, they enrolled her in the private Chinese elementary school where they themselves were teaching. This proved to be extremely stressful for her -- she did not identify herself as being Chinese, but the Chinese did, and seemed to expect her to know everything (culturally) that they did and have the same attitudes and opinions. She learned Chinese quickly, but apparently that meant she picked up on some unkind comments. She was a little chubby, not obese, but heavier than most Chinese kids. The Chinese always seemed to treat her as some sort of an oddity. Anyway, at the time I met her, she was around 8 years old, and was quite a sullen little girl -- it seemed she was depressed and withdrawn. The following year her parents decided to take her out of the Chinese school and to homeschool her. This made a world of difference -- she snapped out of her depression and seemed much happier.

Other friends of ours lived next door here in China with their mixed raced children (half Chinese, ages 3, 6, and 11) who had been born and raised in Canada.. Their plan at first was to enroll them in Chinese school to get them in touch with their roots. Well, the school refused to take the children, so they had to homeschool. None of the kids picked up much Chinese in the year they were here except the littlest one, mainly because they had my kids to play with, and they thought the Chinese kids were rude.