Job Discussion Forums

abufletcher · Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 12:23 pm Post subject:

I once read that most people marry someone who lives within a 5 mile radius of where they live. Well, if that's true then all you need to do is draw enough 10 mile diameter circles to cover all the world's habitable land and you can see how many potential marriage partners are out there.

So much for that ONE perfect soul-mate. I love my wife -- and have come to love her even more over the years -- but I'm not kidding myself that I would never have been happily married to someone if the forces of the karma hadn't caused us both to be in the same 10 mile diameter circle at the time we both felt like getting married.

About a year before I met my wife in Southern Cal, I had gotten a job offer at a small eikaiwa in Osaka. This would have been my first "real" job but for whatever reason I turned it down and took the job that eventually led to me meeting my wife. Had I taken that eikaiwa job, I would in all likelihood have met and perhaps even married a young Japanese woman -- and my life would have run along an entirely different track than it has.

gaijinalways · Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 2279

Hmm, where did you read that? The last I saw a divorce rate printed, it was standing in the US around 40% (maybe what you saw include the Hollywood marriages and divorces like Britany's, married something like 1 day!) whereas Japan's is rising, close to 30% (not including the couples who live together but have separate bedrooms and separate lives for the children!).

SEndrigo · Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Posts: 437

Yes that's a very good point, think about all the couples in Japan who are technically married but who never see each other, sleep in separate rooms, and have completely different lives.

These are basically paper marriages, and I don't know that they are any different from actually getting divorced!

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

PAULH · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 4672 Location: Western Japan

abufletcher · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:04 am Post subject:

I just meant to be pointing out that it seems like an unrealistic romantic fantasy to imagine that there is only one person in the whole world to whom you could blissfully be married. What if you happened to be born in the "wrong" country? What if my ideal mate lives in a village in Burkino Faso? What's an "ideal mate" anyway?

In fact, I might suggest that it is JUST this sort of fantasy that has contributed to high divorce rates. If one assumes that there is ONE AND ONLY ONE possible perfert mate anywhere in the world then eventually you're going to run into someone that makes you think: "Oh I must have been mistaken before." On the other hand, if you take for granted that any given person could have a wonderful and fulfiling life with any of a number of possible partners, then you are not going to be constantly comparing your present partner with each and every newcomer.

To me the "L word" in marriage should be "loyalty."

abufletcher · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:06 am Post subject:

Oops. Multiple posts.

abufletcher · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:06 am Post subject:

Oops. Multiple posts.

abufletcher · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:09 am Post subject:

Is there seriously any happily married person here who doesn't imagine there is at least one peson in the whole country of China (1/5 of the world's population) who wouldn't also be a perfect mate? Now add at least one from India and one Indonesia and one from...

SEndrigo · Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Posts: 437

CZECH REPUBLIC!!!! Those women are hot !!!

But, because we live in Japan....how about the mini-skirt boot girls!!!!

They are fantastic !!