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[Mark Loyd]

From Sandy's blog:


Sandy McManus offers a whole range of tried and tested teaching tips for the obsolete and unadventurous EFL professional.

Over the past 20 years spent teaching EFL and running away from looney private English language schools all over Europe, I have more then once found myself involved in teacher training. In fact, several years ago I wrote a manual for Tefl trainees, but it turned out to be pure shite. However, after much further deliberation, and more than enough beers, I would like to offer the world the benefits of my accrued whiteboard wisdom.



There should be plenty in these few notes for an experienced colleague - and even if you, unfortunate loser, are just starting or planning to start a career in Tefl. What it offers is something you can read and perhaps go back to every now and then - or just tip in the bin, along with yesterday's crusty old sandwiches.

Although not every lesson will follow the same pattern (and indeed should not do so, unless you really are a dull old fucker), on some days you will want to, for example, concentrate on practice rather than presentation. This is fine, but it is important to know how language chunks can be introduced so that you are then free to depart from, or go back to, that pattern. Or, if you simply can't remember that you were doing ten minutes before (this is called recycling the language, by the way).



A Typical Lesson



Important Note: It is extremely important that your students learn to respect you as a real professional and a sentient human being. This respect, however, needs to be earned, and can in no circumstances be assumed in today's social climate. It is therefore imperative, from the very first meeting, to clearly define the roles of teacher and student, and to make sure that no smelly foreign teenager ever tries to get the better of you. You are the boss, after all!



Procedure: Walk into class ten minutes after it was due to start. Slide the half-empty bottle of beer out of your trouser pocket in an effortless manner, as if you are accustomed to doing so (as you are), and take a quick swig. Then bring the bottle down with a crash on the teacher's desk. This should grab their attention.



Look at the class warily. Grunt "English?" at them, in a slightly disinterested manner. It is vital to make this first effort at bonding with your students via a primitive duo-syllabic vocal ejaculation. Chomsky said so ... at least I think it was him (or maybe it was Trotsky?).



Stroll (or prowl) around the classroom in a proud manner. Pretend to ignore the students - look out of the window, scratch your neck, and hum a few bars of "Roxanne".



Next, walk casually up to the board, pull a piece of chalk out of your cardigan pocket, and write the following in large letters...



My name is Reginald



(NB: If your name is not Reginald, don't worry yet)



By now there will probably be a good deal of muttering and tittering going on in the class. Raise a finger to your lips and make an appeal for silence. Just stand there, silent, solid, and motionless, until only one student is left talking. Stare at him fiercely. Then, very slowly, draw your finger across your neck, making a retching sound at the same time.

[BERRY]

All of this was recently put to the test in Jubail, Saudi Arabia - the guy, a Brit I think, took his trousers down in front of his class. What he got was:
a. a post-modern reaction from his students - they went for their mobiles and took his picture...
b. a pre-modern reaction from the management - he got deported...

His last words on his way to the plane were: "I just didn't get the right tips"...

[turkishlover25]

This thread really raises postmodern questions about the supposed relationship between BERRY & MARK LOYD...

[molly farquharson]

berry has a life

[turkishlover25]

and a few pairs of suits

[BERRY]

CESUR suits, to be exact...

[turkishlover25]

If one has not read up on your posts, perhaps they would be lost at this point. BERRY is quickly becoming the most-seen name on this forum... does Loyd have some competition?

[BERRY]

We're twins...

[dmb]

[Mark Loyd]

[Baba Alex]

[whynotme]

[Mark Loyd]

a suit