Job Discussion Forums

[Alex Shulgin]

....

[khmerhit]

Subject: Irish Joke of the Day

Two Kerrymen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird
section
and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if
he
can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat
cage
up dere," says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the
birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of
the
Conor Pass. At the Conor Pass,Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop
andsays, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the
bag,
puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as
Gerry
falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking
down at
the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat.
Dis
budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"

PART TWO: Moment's later Seamus arrives up at Conor Pass. He's been to
the
pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another
paper
bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis,"
Seamus
says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge
of the
cliff.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm
never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

PART THREE: Paddy is just getting over the shock of loosing two friends
when
Sean Og appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper
bag
out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean Og then hurls himself off the
cliff
and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once
more Paddy shakes his head - "Fook that Lads. First der was Gerry with
his
budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting and now Sean Og and his
fook'n
hengliding!"

[Lucy Snow]

[khmerhit]

Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all
day
long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The
guilt
and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself,
trying
to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first
doctor to
sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're
single. Let it go...."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:





"Bob, you're a vet."

---------------

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about
their
sons.

"My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we
obviously decided to call him George."

"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St
Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."

"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman. "Exactly
the
same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

-----------------

There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their
teenage
daughters.

The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day &
I
found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even
know she
smokes".

The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room
the
other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really
shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry
about. I
was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of
condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a w*lly."

-------------------------------------------------------

[naturegirl321]

I don't get the Pancake one . . Is it supposed to be St. Paddy's day?

[yaramaz]

Shrove Tuesday= Pancake day. A Catholic thing, I think. Maybe before Lent.

[Seth]

An Irishman goes on holiday to Britain. First he goes to Wales, has a good time. Then he goes to England, sees the sights, and also has a good time. Finally he ends up in Scotland and is getting friendly with the locals in a pub. After a few pints he leans to the guy sitting next to him and says 'Say, I hear that in Scotland you guys like to shag sheep.' The man shakes his head and says 'No, no, that's Wales.' The Irishman thinks for a bit and then says 'I bet you have to be a good swimmer to do that.'

An Irishman is in London waiting at a street corner waiting to cross. After a while a traffic warden walks out, stops traffic, and says 'pedestrians may cross.' Everyone crosses the street but the Irish guy just stands there. The traffic warden walks back to the corner and traffic resumes. After a while more people start to gather at the corner so the traffic warden walks out, stops traffic, and says 'pedestrians may cross.' Everyone crosses the street but the Irishman just stand there, and now he's getting angry. The traffic warden walks back to the corner and traffic resumes. Again people start to gather so the traffic warden walks out, stops traffic, and says 'pedestrians may pass.' The Irishman suddenly shouts out at the traffic warden, 'Hey! When are you gonna let the Catholics cross!'

[khmerhit]

Subject: THE ' F' WORD

Top Ten Times in history when using the "f" word was appropriate: -----

1) "What the f**k was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima

2) "Where did all these f**king Indians come from?" - Custer

3) "Any f**king idiot could understand that." - Einstein

4) "It does SO f**king look like her!" - Picasso

6) "How the f**k did you work that out?" - Pythagoras

5) "You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?" - Michaelangelo

4) "I don't suppose it's gonna f**king rain." - Joan of Arc

3) "Scattered f**king showers... my ass!" - Noah

2) "I need this parade like I need a f**king hole in my head!" - J.F.K.

And the number one most appropriate reason to use the "f" word....

1) "Who the f**k is going to know?" - Bill Clinton