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Mark
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Posts: 500
Location: Tokyo, Japan
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 Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:37 am Post subject: Re: Off I go soon...any advice? |
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| Doglover wrote: |
| TK4Lakers wrote: |
| H: I have been with my gf here in the states for over one year now. Yes, not a long time, but we are very committed to each other, and we are planning on staying together once I leave. The future is up in the air since we are still young and there's so much out there, but we plan on being honest and upfront with each other and to make the time and effort. Have YOU or anyone you know ever had a long-distance relationship and had it work out? I'm talking about overseas, 1-2 years, etc. Any advice or thoughts for the both! |
Just my humble opinion, but you are only committed to each other when you put a ring on her finger in front of a hundred guests. You can be boyfriend or girlfriend for ten years but still break up any time.
Having a relationship is great when it happens, but at the end of the day, she is not yur wife. Sometimes you just have to know when to let go.
I will also add that you will be tempted when you come here, i assure you. You can lock on the chastity belt and give her the key, but be prepared for a bumpy ride when you get here as young women throw themselves at the 'gaijin'. |
This is somewhat true, but also somewhat avoidable. Young women don't throw themselves at random foreigners in the street. And the OP said he'll be teaching in elemantry/middle schools so no problems with the students. So, if he avoids the foreigner bar/pick-up club scene, that should cut down on the difficulty of being faithful. |
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stillnosheep
Joined: 01 Mar 2004
Posts: 2068
Location: eslcafe
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| Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:29 am Post subject: |
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Doglover makes no sense. An unmarried couple can be just as, or more, committed to each other than a married couple. A married couple may find a prolonged separation just as hard to deal with as may an unmarried couple. A wedding is a symbol of commitment, no more, no less; it is neither a substitute for, nor proof of, such commitmemnt.
Long distance relationships can be difficult, but do-able with lots of phone calls (skype!!) and a clear time-scale for when you will be together again.
As per the previous poster. Avoid the skanky bars and nobody will be throwing themselves at anyone. |
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TK4Lakers
Joined: 06 Jan 2006
Posts: 159
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:23 am Post subject: me again..the OP |
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Once again, thank you for everyone who has posted. I appreciate your honesty, opinions, and thoughts. Doomo arigatoo gozaimasu!
Just to clarify a bit more, I'm 22. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now, but we were "good" friends before that for 2 years (meaning, we kinda liked each other but never admitted it, but had the friendship/trust/common ground to work with from the get-go). So as some of you may assume, we have a really healthy relationship.
Yes, you're right in that I don't know how long I will be gone for....I'm going to Japan with an open mind, seeking new challenges, learning the language enough to be proficient and do business, and to quite possibly look for a career (if one presents itself).
My gf and I plan on seeing each other 3x after I leave....she will come to visit in August, I will come back home for Christmas, and once more once my contract ends in March.
So, what do you think? 3x in one year isn't horrible, but its manageable. We are getting sad, but we are both committed to making this work out. Its up to God now, I hope it works....
and about me being American w/ Japanese descent (nisei), I was wondering if that would help me find good paying teaching jobs (even though I'm already contracted with a company), or if that would maybe allow me to hike up some tutorial fees.
Thanks for reading this far again, and write back if you can =). |
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Doglover
Joined: 14 Dec 2004
Posts: 305
Location: Kansai
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 3:05 am Post subject: Re: me again..the OP |
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| TK4Lakers wrote: |
Yes, you're right in that I don't know how long I will be gone for....I'm going to Japan with an open mind, seeking new challenges, learning the language enough to be proficient and do business, and to quite possibly look for a career (if one presents itself). |
I wont be the grinch who stole Christmas but working full time and hoping to become 'proficient' in Japanese that you can use in business is unrealistic. It depends on the person of course, but in my case I went from zero (no hiragana or katakana ) to level 2 of JLPT, an upper intermediate level in 3 years of virtually full time and continuous study. Expect the japanese study to take twice as long as learning a romance language, consideriing you have 2000 Kanji to memorise.
Its unlikely you will have a visa that allows you to go anywhere any non-teaching jobs. People here are paid for what they can do, and japanese ability is icing on the cake. people wont pay you for speaking Japanese unless you have marketable skills. You can always shoot the breeze with the NOVA secretaries and office staff, but they are usually too busy.
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| My gf and I plan on seeing each other 3x after I leave....she will come to visit in August, I will come back home for Christmas, and once more once my contract ends in March. |
We did the same thing and saw each other about every 4-6 months. It makes it more manageable but its still tough.
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| and about me being American w/ Japanese descent (nisei), I was wondering if that would help me find good paying teaching jobs (even though I'm already contracted with a company), or if that would maybe allow me to hike up some tutorial fees. |
I have friends here who are "nisei" and though I cant comment on what its like except anecdotal evidence. You will get strange quizzical looks from people if you speak in broken Japanese or appear not to understand when people talk to you in Japanese. I have heard of bilngual and fluent white folks be ignored by service and hotel staff while they look to you for the drinks order even though you cant speak the language.
At the moment in eikaiwa-land there are not any really good paying jobs and in fact minimum salaries are getting worse, lots of ALT and dispatch type work. Good jobs require you know people have experience and be in the right place at the right time. people who have good jobs dont advertise it except to people they know and trust, not to foreigners on bulletin boards just arrived in the country. |
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shuize
Joined: 04 Sep 2004
Posts: 1270
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| Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:07 am Post subject: Re: me again..the OP |
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| Doglover wrote: |
| I wont be the grinch who stole Christmas but working full time and hoping to become 'proficient' in Japanese that you can use in business is unrealistic... |
| Quote: |
| At the moment in eikaiwa-land there are not any really good paying jobs and in fact minimum salaries are getting worse, lots of ALT and dispatch type work. Good jobs require you know people have experience and be in the right place at the right time. people who have good jobs dont advertise it except to people they know and trust, not to foreigners on bulletin boards just arrived in the country. |
This response covers it in a nutshell. But it's the unintended humor from posts like the OP (although his is certainly not the worst) that keep me coming back to the board: "Hey, like, does anyone know where I can score a great paying job with no experience where I've got all kinds of time off to travel around and learn to speak fluent Japanese overnight? If so, please pass along all the information to set me up and, uh, like please don't take it for yourselves or anything. Thanks, New Guy." |
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