Job Discussion Forums

[easyasabc]

[cafebleu]

I do know enough from what I have seen, heard and read and experienced to know that most western men are going to be far more fulfilled when it comes to having a decent relationship with a Japanese member of the opposite sex. I do know that the western woman I mentioned in another post was not the only western woman I have talked to about such issues.

Sure, I wouldn`t disagree that Japan can be easy for women - in particular it`s safer than any number of western countries for women, especially single women. But when I always hear the same problems for women being talked about by women, I know that a signficant number of western women would find it very difficult to adjust to married life with a Japanese man.

For a western man marriage with a Japanese woman is not all great but there are not the expectations that a western man is going to have to curb his energies to suit the in-laws.

A western man is not going to be expected to give up his working life in the way that a western women most likely will. Sure women work in Japan now after they are married etc but there is still the notion that women are just waiting around to get married and after you have kids then you have to be a proper okasan.

An independent minded western woman is also going to have difficulty adjusting to the mind-set of Japanese married women if she is included in mothers` circles, kids` playgroups etc.

You just have to chat with Japanese mothers to find out after not so long a time that their way of thinking is so different. They are conditioned to believe that marriage is the be all and end all, and they are also conditioned to regard individualism as something threatening. An independent thinking western man has little trouble in Japan - a woman will have to keep her mouth shut and always be wondering what to say or not to say.

Single western women teachers I have known have been the object of pity, patronising attitudes and downright bad mouthing if they have lived in the countryside. Why? Because they lived by themselves. Or they brought their boyfriend or male friends home, regardless of how discreet they were or whether the guys were just friends. Western men have virtual carte blanche to socialise in their own house/apartment in the country without vicious gossip that will damage their standing because of the simple fact they are men.

As for relationships with Japanese men and western women - I think the fact that there are so few tells you that there are problems for western women there.

[markosonlines]

easyasabc,

Grow up.

[easyasabc]

[markosonlines]

Why?

Because of your insistence on discussing the one percent, worst cases scenarios so to promote a stereotype of western men in Japan that is anything but fair, but perhaps close to your own opinion, after everyone else has managed to lift the thread out of the gutter.

I realise you're entitled to your own opinion and you may not feel inclined to say anything positive about us western men here. But this is about western men in Japan IN GENERAL, include myself and other posters. It is small of you that you only talk about the complete trash that has been washed up onto Japanese shores.

If you want to talk about the complete freak minority men out there start a new thread. Something like: completely freaky western males in Japan: wazupwidat? I won't be offended as the discussion won't be aimed at me. Don't keep lumping it in this one as it seems that everyone else has managed to get past the childish 'sticks and stones' stage and an interesting discussion is emerging.

The question now is: Are you up to it?

I hope you are because I am not trying to silence you, or anyone else, or sanitize this thread. The bad experiences surrounding western men need to be discussed and this is obviously the forum for it. Just ask one of your more articulate friends for a few points on how to go about it first and you won't need to concern yourself with these sorts of criticisms.

[markosonlines]

easyasabc,

I understand why you wouldn't want to be at the centre of such attention, I respect your decision to avoid such circles and I can tell you I would do likewise.

But what makes you think I might treat a girl like that? I won't bite like you did to West Brom's comment. Is such attention normal for Western men in Japan in your opinion? If that is what you think is normal I think you need, or needed, to hang out with different faces in different places.

I am yet to see or hear of such things here or during my time in Korea. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that it's probably some sad, immature 1%'er. I have certainly seen, and hung out with, guys on the prowl but that alone doesn't make them (I'm taken now) hostile to western women. In fact most of us all pillowed, or tried to pillow, western women too. It really didn't matter where they were from, assuming they were nice, hot, whatever. Intimate details were rarely shared, whether Japanese or western, barring the knowledge that something is, or was, going on between the peoples concerned. When more details were shared generally nobody wanted to hear them and the guy who spoke came across as a loser. We weren't angels, but we weren't out to hurt and disrespect people, local or foreign, either. Just take them to bed for some fun, and it takes two to tango.

And, as many posters have mentioned, there are many Japanese women in Japan and men in their twenties like to date. Perhaps we would be more inclined to make newbie western women feel welcome when they first arrive if we were romantically interested. That doesn't make us hostile if we don't, just a bit thoughtless.

Teach yourself hiragana.

[canuck]

[Lynn]

I lived in Japan for 4 years. Although, I made one good male friend from Cali, I was not at all attracted to the Western men in Japan. There seems to be a certain type of guy who wants to come to Japan, and it's that 'type' that I am unattracted to.

My best frined "yoko" was dating the American teacher at the local university, "David". I was physically repulsed by David. He looked like a pig. He had really white skin with an upturned nose that showed a clear view of his nostrils. He had really thin light blonde hair that looked like pig hair and blue eyes and was chubby around the waist. Furthermore, he was uninteresting and could be a jerk at times.

Yoko, on the other hand, found his pig-face charming. She would call him "bu-chan" (little piggy). She thought his blond hair and blue eyes were so exotic compared to her Japanese counterparts. She thought his being a jerk was his deep dark side.

I kept my comments to myself. David wasn't hurting Yoko, or cheating on her, but Yoko was beautiful. To this day, she is still the most beautiful Japanese woman I've ever met. All the ESL teachers in town agreed. Funny thing was, my Jpes boyfriend (now husband) didn't think she was cute at all. He said she looked like "inaka-mono".

So, it just goes to show you, that I think the system is working just fine. People do find mates and people do get married.

[nomadder]

The last post really ties in to what I wanted to say but first back to West Brom-the reason many don't go to Spain and Italy is you must have an EU passport(UK) and there's not much money. Most people go for the job-the guys are just a fortunate or unfortunate side effect.

The scary thing was seeing a guy as described above(and if you're one I'm sure we'll be hearing from you) who didn't have a hope in his homeland walking along with a decent looking Japanese girl. I felt sorry for her and thought either she didn't have very good skills at discerning or more likely was blinded by the white. There are no free lunches so you work it out. There was something downright creepy about it. If it works for you-go for it.

But worse than that was that there were(as stated above) a disproportionately large number of bad catches per capita of the foreign male population and I found myself wondering-where do all the decent guys go? You know the kind of guys who would never stoop to pathetic defences for his lack of logic to properly conduct a proper debate probably because he sees himself all too clearly in our mirror. Such defenses of the unevolved(caught in the headlights) sort of male would be PMS, Lesbian and "Big". What do they have to do with anything except they are a sad attempt to belittle someone. As for PMS-without it none of you would be here-so don't put down the Life Force. Big? Ya I'm a bigger person than you so we'll end this here and lesbi friends.

[mr pink]

Nomadder

[canuck]